Believe (Some Of) The Hype

"But Stray Dogs is going to be on this show called Ginormous Food. You're a food writer. Why haven't you been there?"

To be honest with you...we don't know.

See, we were big fans of the previous occupant, Zona 78, especially their Danish Blue pizza that featured a ton of stinky blue cheese, oh man...so good, and when Stray Dogs moved in we always said that we would go there and investigate but, well, it just never happened.

Until recently that is.

The original plan was to try out this new deli on 1st Avenue but when we got there we discovered that it had yet to open. Maybe we should have called first? So plan B was to finally go to Stray Dogs, order a bunch of stuff and see what happens.

This is what happened...

Pickles or just squishy cucumbers?

It was a pretty hot day, an hour or so after the lunch rush, like 2pm-ish, and we were ready to get down. Some lunchtime stragglers were hanging out on the small patio in the front and the place was relatively empty except for a table of old ladies that gave us the murder eye when we walked in. Why the murder stink eye? We don't know.

I mean, we looked okay, there was just three of us, but I guess a small crew of "yungins" moving in on their lunchtime turf was ill advised.

And we're not even that young.

Anyway we found a table next to a window, opened the menu and made some decisions.

As serious pickle fans we had to get their pickle jar appetizer. Then we settled on some chicken taquitos, the burger of the day and a pizza called the Hair Of The Dog that features bell peppers, bacon, eggs, French fries and then finished with a sriracha drizzle. Even though we are kind of done with sriracha this option just sounded too dumb to pass up.

Then for later we had to get the always blogged about Munchies milkshake. This thing comes with a chocolate frosting rim decorated with M&Ms, potato chips and pretzels, a Rice Crispies treat and cinnamon sugar donut holes. C'mon now...how could we not order that thing?

That's the milkshake that's going to be on that show right?

Probably.

The salsa was the star here

The service was fine but the beer selection is pretty boring. It's okay but we sort of expected something a little more adventurous from a place that boasts wild food. We settled on a Barrio Mocha Java Stout (which was quite lovely), a Dragoon IPA (which always delights) and a Sierra Nevada rotating beer called the Sidecar, which was an orange pale ale. Meh.

First to come out was the pickles and chicken taquitos.

Hate to say it but...those weren't pickles. They tasted as if someone cut a cucumber into spears and threw it into some salty water overnight. Not good and not crispy. Very disappointing. Two of us at the table make our own pickles and its not that hard to get an even somewhat decent pickle. It just takes a little effort and a little more time. Unless they fix their recipe, Stray Dogs needs to change it from "pickle jar" to "jar of slightly salted cucumbers".

Sorry.

The chicken taquitos were thankfully tasty. Not a whole lot of seasoning but the chicken was cooked well, the cheese wasn't overly cheesy and there was a good crunch on the tortilla. What totally saved this dish though was the salsa. Get that stuff in jars quick and sell it. A nice heat, good roasted flavor and the peppers tasted really fresh.

Whew!

Yep...that was a burger

Next up was the burger and pizza.

The burger patty had a fine flavor, it was cooked alright and the large side of fries were definitely the star: hand cut and seasoned perfectly. The veggies that came with it were nice and fresh but the bun was really greasy which was kind of off putting.

You can even see it in the picture above, it's shiny from the amount of grease coming off of it. Okay, its standard practice to toast the bun on the grill, flat side down, to give it an added texture but I think the kids working in the kitchen that day thought it would be fun to put the bun top side down in a pool of fryer muck. If they would have left the bun alone all together we would have been totally okay with the burger. But...

Note to Stray Dogs: Do not add grease to your hamburger buns! 

That is all.

The Hair of the Dog pizza was actually kind of fun. The various toppings somehow worked and we didn't mind the sriracha element, in fact we rather enjoyed it. The sauce on the pizza was tasty as well, not too heavy handed, and the crust was cooked evenly. Thing is, this pizza is really hearty. We were only able to take down half because of all of the other items we sampled and we still had to make room for that milkshake Godzilla.

Speaking of which, when all was said and done The Munchies milkshake made it to the table.

Yep, this thing is kind of glorious. It was tall with a lot of color and a lot going on.

The chocolate sauce bark cascading down was a sweet, salty and crunchy delight. The ice cream was delicious, really firm but creamy, with lil' bit of donut floating at the bottom which made for a sugary doughy surprise when you sucked it down on these really wide straws.

The Rice Crispies treat was the only thing that fell flat. It just didn't do anything. Didn't make sense with the shake, didn't have much flavor, was kind of dense and boring. That said, what made this whole trip and experience worth while were just two little things dangling from the straws.

The donuts.

Don't know how to properly say this but they were some of the best donuts we've ever had. Perfectly fried, perfectly seasoned, perfectly sweet and just plain perfect. Stray Dogs needs to take out the GS in their name and replace it was NUTS and just be a straight up donut shop. Luckily they sell them individually so next time we are in the neighborhood you better believe we're getting a dozen and locking ourselves in a dark room, eating them as we cry as a donut glaze of shame overcomes us.

Whatever.

They are that good.

All this was missing was actual dog hair

This was our first experience at Stray Dogs but we feel it wont be the last. Sorry it took so long for us to get there but with other food writing obligations we can be a bit slow on the take these days.

But now that we are hitting a grove with the new gig we promise to blog more often. There is a lot going on in Tucson, food and drinking wise, and we plan on covering it as much as humanly possible.

Thank you Stray Dogs for the hospitality. Sorry we had to come down on you for a couple of issues we feel are totally workout-able but overall we had a great time and will try to come back and try some actual dogs and other things.

But them donuts though!

Oh man.

Let's hope those things make it on that food show.

Cheers!

Not pictured: the best thing at Stray Dogs

Camera, Typing and Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
A Perfect Spring Day, 2017

Metal Influence:

DESTRUCTION

"Eternal Devastation"

The Garbage Food Chronicles Continues: Meaty Chips and Buttery Burgers Galore

Well Homeskilleteers...it's that time again! Yes, the heralded brief era of the eating season when a mass snack conglomerate gets together with some kind of sick wizard cabal, locking themselves in a chemical tower doing nothing but ingesting heavy psychotropics with roiling cauldrons filled with strange oozing ingredients all with the idea that they can get a potato chip to sort of taste like meat.

We've done it before dear readers and, heck, we are here to do it again!

You're welcome.

Two flavors that go, well...we don't know yet

Last year, let's see, what was it that we ate? Gyro? Yeah, I think gyro was one of them. Eh. It was okay. Remember the truffle fries variety? Neither do we. The Reuben sandwich one was...okay. Pretty weird. But if I recall, the biscuits and gravy flavored mixture seemed to appeal to our taste test vict...uh, participants the most. That lot was fairly enjoyable. But why...and how?

It's an annual right of Tucson Homeskillet passage: They, the royal they, put out a few bags of inspired potato chip ludicrousness around this time of year and we of the brave gasto-fold gather together to eat said aberrant glory all for your well being and entertainment.

Or should we say "edu-tainment"?

I mean, we are learning you proper on the pitfalls of consuming crunchy whims dashed to the thin and sometimes wavy rafters brought to you by the spite mafia science community who, we all are assuming, are in that high tower of deviant creation laughing at us as we actually purchase and then actually eat potato chips that recreate essences of Asian fare, Brazilian steak skewers and a creamy cucumber dill sauce you pour over Greek sandwiches.

Huh. Gyro was last year and now we have tzatziki. You see a pattern here? Is this some kind of Greek conspiracy? Is this...???

Wait. Calm down.

Greek conspiracy? Really dude? Well after eating way too much of these new chips I think the assorted alchemical dustings have gotten to your good pal Metal Mark here. I mean, I haven't been able to taste real food in two days. Everything just has this "sheen" to it; a flaccid gulping flavor mire that coated my tongue and brain only to make my breakfast cereal take on the character of a garlicky chimichurri glop.

How is this possible, you might be asking me and yourself.

Here. Let's get you up onto what went down...

Let's see. Uh...okay and I guess so

In true and traditional form, we gathered some of the usual food suspects at our favorite hangout to try out the new issues of potato chip madness.

This year, here are the four horsemen of the chipocalypse we had to contend with:

Picanha 

(which is a popular Brazilian cut of steak, the rump, grilled or skewered and served with a bright chimichurri sauce...sometimes)

Tikka Masala

(tomato based and heartily seasoned Indian sauce)

Chinese Szechuan Chicken

(no explanation needed...right?)

Greek Tzatziki

(cucumber dill yogurt sauce...but you already knew that)

Sure. Whatever. Kind of odd but...fine. So were the biscuits and gravy and truffle fries chips of last year. So we splayed out the bags on the bar and then we all dove in, ate, deliberated, consulted, confirmed, burped, groaned, nodded our heads in approval or disgust and now here are the results of the big taste test.

You ready?

Here we go: 

Alright...lets do this

First up was the Tikka Masala.

Not bad...but in small quantities

The initial whim on the palate from the Tikka Masala chip was fake tomato sauce. It hits like a spilled bucket of the stuff only condensed into powder form. Then comes the turmeric. Oh boy, the turmeric. Wow. Yeah. It overtook the tomato squirt pretty easily and shifted us into a melange of concocted ingredients. Hints of ginger, some kind of coriander, maybe a whiff of cream even.

It took a while to gather up all of the essences, like a few pulls and chews off of the stuff, but once you wrap your taste buds with this chip you can kind of see, sort of, the direction in which they are heading.

"I don't like it," one random participant noted. "Tastes like bad marinara, only not good."

Um, not too sure what that means but...thanks?

"It's interesting," said another. "I can't see myself eating a whole bag but there is something about it that keeps me coming back. I don't normally like Indian food but this is pretty good."

As a huge, huge fan of Indian food all I can say is that, yeah, it wasn't bad. No, it's not like the Tikka Masala you get from Sher-E-Punjab or India Oven, but it did have elements of the dish and for that we set this one aside as a "Possibly Maybe" in the winner for the taste race.

"Is this what Tikka Masala tastes like? No? Oh, okay. Then I'd have to say I like it enough to not hate it. Does that make sense?"

Sure.

Yeah, eating a whole bag of this stuff would destroy your palate and belly. Plus it was salty. Like really salty. Which is probably what that one guy liked about it. That and he'd been drinking beer since noon.

It was after 5pm when we started this. So...there's that.

Next up was the Chinese Szechuan Chicken.

Some loved this...others not so much

First bite: Whoa. Spice. Yeah. The chili flavor was pretty pronounced and really did its job. Eating more and more just gave it the extra stoke for the mouth fire. Not that we were suffering or anything, no, it's not that hot (and this is a group that can handle the hot) but it did deliver quite a kick.

"I really like this," said my partner in crime She-Ra who adores Chinese food almost as much as I adore Indian cuisine. "It's crazy how it has hints of chicken under the soy and chili flavor."

"This is a weird one," stated another brave eater. "It's almost like eating spicy dirt. I don't get chicken anywhere but I do get a feeling that we shouldn't be eating this."

"Tastes like pure chemicals," said another.

"You know, this is pretty good. I wouldn't buy it, ever, but, yeah...I see where they are going with this."

For me I wasn't really a big fan. I totally agreed with the 'spicy dirt' observation. For some reason I also got a distinct chicken flavor but it was over powered by the sizzling tongue punch and the fact that only after eating two different styles of chips my palate was going bye-bye. Chugging water and a cocktail helped but with this kind of witchcraft going on your sinuses began to give way to a swirling cloud of condensed manufactured flavor profiles.

I mean, how long did it take to get this idea down to chip size and format? Most importantly...why? If you like snackin' chips and enjoy Szechuan cuisine, you might be excited to try this one out. For me though? It was kind of just too much. On so many levels.

Okay...on to the next.

Brazilian Picanha.

How did they...how...I mean...this tastes like steak

"Holy crap," someone uttered as they bit into this flavored chip. "That tastes just like steak."

"Oh wow," followed another. "It totally does."

Yep, this is where things got interesting. The Picanha chips had a very distinct meat flavor to it and it was a bit off putting for a second. Once the initial shock of grilled rump steak hitting your senses came to pass the after thought of the chimichurri kind of sank in. Kind of.

"If chimichurri has garlic in it, then, yeah...I taste garlic."

Um. It does.

The chimichurri flavor wasn't conquering by any account, quite the opposite, but sparkles of its essence were experienced here and there. Perhaps it was just the parsley flakes that seemed to dabble on the thinly sliced potato product or the fact that several garlic substitutions were used in the makeup of this salty treat. And, yes, there it was again: Salt.

These chips are very salty.

I mean, sure, most potato chips heavily manufactured like this rely on the salt element to hold the texture and flavor and definitely keep you coming back for more, but this new batch of hellish crunch concoctions have gone to a new level of salty. Along with the fabricated dreamspace of ingredients you might find in a lab result following the embalming of a arachnid sub-demon, these chips fall into a new category of odd, faintly tantalizing and seriously alkaline. So be prepared.

Otherwise, I kind of liked the Picanha. Not bad really.

Finally we have the true divider of favorites: Greek Tzatziki.

On the left, the minority of votes, the right was the consensus 

The last to hit the rounds was the one that either they loved or absolutely abhorred: The Tzatziki.

"Good lord! This tastes like old bathwater, one where grandma was found dead in."

"Whoa, this is really yummy. I like the dill."

"If a refrigerator that hasn't been cleaned since the Reagan administration had a flavor, this would be it."

"Not bad. Not great but...the cucumber flavor is nice."

"Are you kidding me? Get this the fxxk out of my mouth. Disgusting!"

Yep and there you have it. Some loved it while others totally hated it. I was one of them that hated it.

Not getting much tzatziki, rather what I experienced was spoiled milk mixed with acrid powdered vegetable substitutes. This one, the last one, was by far my least favorite. The wavy chip style didn't help either. In fact, it just made hate ridges hold on tighter to the sour mash of fake dill and talc reduced cucumber. Imagine biting into a turned yogurt slab that was left in the lawnmower mulch bag for a week and then experienced freezer burn for no apparent reason at all.

Like that.

"You guys are on crack," said Jana who was eating them by the handful with scoops of ranch dressing to ease it down. "This stuff is awesome."

She's also very pregnant. We just gave her the bag of tzaziki chips.

So, with that, here are the final outcome and results of our taste test!

It's a resounding: (insert shrugging here)

Well, we will say that the tzatziki chips, for us anyway, were at the bottom of the voting tablets. Sorry Jana. It seems that the other three were a toss up and go around with everyone else. There were elements and components of each chip that some liked then some totally despised. But there was one distinct conclusion:

This round of crazy flavored potato chips are most likely created for novelty and not much for absolute enjoyment. I'm sure there are folks out there that think the Chicken Szechuan is the greatest thing since the invention of potato chips and others that are currently brandishing pitchforks and torches and attempting to burn the Lay's factory down to the ground because of such blatant atrocities.

But know this gentle Homeskillet reader: We had a lot of fun eating and trying out these various curiosities for the tongue and tummy. They amused, aroused and even started a fight or two, but all in all a good time was had by everyone that participated.

Would we buy these random flavored chips again?

Absolutely not.

Now it's up to you. Try 'em out, or don't, be brave and above all be open minded and keep your palate sharp and tongue relatively protected.

Oh, and have a glass of water nearby at all times. Did we mention the saltiness of them all? Yeah we did.

Good luck...

Metal Mark's choice....uh...these? I guess?

BONUS FOOD ROUND!

As if eating loads of exotically enhanced potato chips weren't enough, some of us went out on a further limb and attempted these two new menu items from a fast food juggernaut:

The Brewhouse Burger and the Buttery Jack

Why you may ask? Because...it's what we do. Plus we were pretty lit from the amount of booze we consumed from trying all of those chips that we ended up in the drive-thru after seeing commercials for these new burger options.

So a recent trend in fast food burgers is the "buttery" variety. Down home eateries have been using butter on burgs for quite some time and now it's all over the place it seems. Mind you I have had some darn good butter burgers, some even with the compound and herby stuff jammed right into the meat, so trying this style of fast food was an analytical one.

They promise a garlic herb butter on a "gourmet" bun, with bacon and cheese. Since that sounded kind of sad we also added, or at least asked for, lettuce and tomatoes. Well, the late night stoned staff totally forgot the lettuce and tomatoes so what we got was the stripped down style.

Yeah it kind of sucked. Really dry with little to no "butter" flavor. Just meat and reconstituted "bacon" with some kind of drippy white cheese. The idea behind a real butter burger is absolute juiciness and decadent mouth feel viscosity. This burger had none of that. Pretty stale, boring and without any of the promise those stupid commercials were promoting.

Basically that's why we wanted to try these sandwiches, those freakin' commercials. They make crappy fast food burgers look like a meaty slice of heaven. Getting liquored up and eating bizarre potato chips, which somehow fused our cerebellums making us hapless victims to the horrid advertising industry, subliminally got to us and made us order at the drive thru thinking we were going to get some amazing food fare. Yeah...no. Blame the booze and the potato chips. That's what I did.

Next we sampled the Brewhouse Burger. Again, the commercials were not only kind of funny but spotlighted the sandwich in a way that tilted the taste buds and brain into thinking you're getting a hand crafted burger oozing with porter ale cheese, "pub sauce", sauteed onions, more bacon on a "artisan" seeded bun. Sounds kind of awesome right?

Yeah it was okay.

Much better than the butter burger, this one actually had some flavor and texture to it and, yes, this time they included the lettuce and tomato. Is it the best burger we have ever had? Oh heeeeeeellz no. But for a fast food late night creff burger it wasn't terrible. Would we get it again? Maybe. Depending on how much alcohol is in our system and if you are buying. But good on the fast food chain into trying to step up their game. Perhaps it was the bong hit night crew that screwed it up but, we highly doubt it. Everything in those stores have specific and detailed "spec" sheets and all they have to do is assemble them and then throw them in a bag. Still though, if we were you we'd totally skip that butter burger and give a whirl on the brewhouse option. That is, if you want.

Honestly there are way too many burger joints in Tucson that absolutely slay corporate chains and for that we advise you to visit them and get a real honest handmade chef inspired burger. Please.

Thing is, most of those places don't have a drive thru or are open that late. So there's that.

Did I mention the drinking and strange potato chip chemicals invading our decision making processes?  Yeah. Sorry about that.

Cheers!



Camera, Typing and a Bit of Suffering
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
The Third Week in August, 2016

Metal Influence:  

NAPALM DEATH

"Scum"

"Wait...That Tiki Bar On Broadway Serves Food! Really? I Didn't Know That."

You probably haven't been here since college. But...you know this place.

Kon Tiki.

Yeah, that Polynesian themed island getaway bar that serves up some serious drinks in kitchy goblets and steins up on Broadway and Swan. You know, Kon Tiki. Remember? You 'member.

In college you most likely came here because the drinks were huge and strong and they had a happy hour that dished out some free grub. You were young, you were broke, you wanted to get faced so this was the place you probably ended up in.

Right?

Probably.

The free happy hour buffet...um, thanks but no thanks, although the meatballs were good

But now you're all grown up and you haven't been back since you graduated. You have a real adult job, you drink real adult drinks, you eat at real adult places with white linen set tables or tolerate locations that have jungle gyms and Whack-A-Moles for your kids to play with as you talk about adult things with your adult friends as you sip those adult drinks.

Why should you go back to Kon Tiki after all these years? That's, like...college era you. Right?

So why a feature on Kon Tiki, a bar most Tucson residents have been to at least once, be it voluntarily or talked into by ne'er-do-well roommates?

Uh...because of the food, dude. It's good.

Real good.

Real adults drinking, um...well they're drinking all right

Honestly, we kind of forgot about Kon Tiki too and the fact that they actually served food there. No, seriously.

A few years back, when the Homeskillet was just a once in a while / if we felt like posting 'blog lite', we did a feature on Kon Tiki as part of a short lived series where we buy a Groupon for random places, eat there and talk about it. We did like one or two, maybe three, Groupon article things then just moved on, or forgot about doing it all together. Anyway, even back then we were all "Oh yeah, the food here is great."

So you're probably reading this going, "C'mon, the food can't be that good. Kon Tiki?  It's a weird drunky bar and that buffet kind of sucks. Even if it is free."

Work with us here people.

Monkeys On A Stick, a classic and oh so tasty

True. The gratis fare isn't the subject here. That happy hour buffet is just free vittles for folks that need a bit of a buffer when it comes to quaffing much of their hell grog and it's cool that they do it in the first place. Its just chips, veggies, some dip...stuff like that. But they do put out some of their BBQ meatballs and those are pretty tight. Honestly its just some bits of bites, cheap as free, to keep you going and that's that.

No, you gotta order off the real food menu here kids. Trust us.

Okay, look...check this out.

Hawaiian fish tacos...just like the god Tangaroa used to make

If you can recall Homeskilleteers, a few weeks back we ended up eating the self-proclaimed "Best Burger and Burrito in Tucson"...and they sucked. So bad in fact that we needed booze immediately. Just a few blocks up was Kon Tiki, so we got ourselves a large vessel filled with all of the alcohol and some well needed tasty food.

"Oh wow," we all sort of said as we bit into our nibbles. "The food here is good. Maybe we should write about it."

Um...okay.

And here we go!

The Loko Moko, a delicious burger with an egg on it...so tropical!

So in true Tucson Homeskillet fashion we gathered up some of our closest and bravest friends and decided to order, oh, one of each from the menu.

Both the drink and food menu. C'mon, what else would you expect?

Anyway, here are the results:

JB looking concerned as Rizz slurps down another sacrificial mind drink

First, yeah, the drinks were really strong, as expected. Probably just as strong as when Kon Tiki first opened in the '60s and when you used to come here with a fake I.D. once finals were over with.

We got something called the Pele, named after the pissed off goddess of volcanoes and, boy howdy, did that thing live up to its name. Fiery, powerful and sort of lava like as it went down the gullet. Another called the 'Greenpeace' which felt like washing down a fine lawn mulch but with a distinct fruity alcohol kick to the cajones. Then there was the Fog Cutter, something called Lights Out, the Creepy Tiki, Maiden's Downfall and so forth, all of which did not list ingredients (which is probably for the best) but instead came equipped with brief descriptions of just how you might feel after you finish one:

"If strength you need, drink and it shall be granted!"

"Virgins beware!"

"The original drink was intended for a sacred ceremony until some white man found the recipe!"

Stuff like that. You get the picture.

Moa Nui chicken in coconut sauce...amazing

The crew was getting a bit tipsy but then the plethora of food arrived.

The ton of appetizers was daunting, but oh so delicious. The egg rolls were deep fried yet filled with a garden of vegetables and served with a mighty teriyaki and a sweet and sour sauce so there was a fun balance between decadent and sort of, kind of, "healthy". The BBQ ribs were hearty and sticky and fall off the bone tender. We got our pot stickers steamed which counter balanced the amount of weighty fare that was spread before us. Really good, stuffed full of savory pork with a good chew to the dumpling casing.

Then, of course, there was the classic: The Monkeys on a Stick. Tender, marinated bites of perfectly cooked medium rare steak served mini kebab style. This is essentially what saved us after eating crap food just a few blocks away. Accompanied with a stout viscid dipping sauce this dish is what you need on a daily basis.

So good.

Angry volcano deity sized pile o' rings

As people were queuing up for the free fare at the buffet, we were getting looks from all sorts; bug eyed at the amount of food we had on the table.

"Wait, they serve food here?", I overheard a portly guy ask his doppelganger wife as they glooped ranch dressing on mini carrots and ruffly potato chips atop their drooping paper plates.

Well, we hate to say it buffet jockeys, but you are officially eating food here, so, yes, they do serve "food". But if you mean like burgers, steaks, ribs, shrimp and lobster tails? Yes. Yes, Kon Tiki serves food.

And not just any kind of food, really tasty food with a distinct tropical influence.

So what are you waiting for? Do what we did and dive in!

Possibly some of the best egg rolls in town

The Loko Moko is a half pound burger of good ground beef, seasoned and cooked to order with a nice runny egg on top; it was really hefty, juicy and delicious.

There was also an order of fantastic fish tacos that were tangy and flaky with a crisp slaw and finished with a spicy aioli drizzled over. The house club sandwich could feed about three people but one of us took it down in no time flat. Piled high and served with piping hot fries, this one made us want to join whatever club they had going on, one where we would look like that Israel Kamakawiwo'ole guy in no time flat if we kept eating the way we were.

In fact, all of the plates were generous and all of it really yummy.

No really.

Jana happy/nervous about the size of her chef salad

More drinks, more food, more weird looks from bar patrons.

There was ten of us, but the feast on our tables mashed together looked as if we were on some sort of medieval gorge feast, one that would encourage many trips to the vomitorium so we can continue with the eat-a-thon.

"What did you order?"

"Oh, this is the Moa Nui."

"What's that?"

"It's, uh, a big chicken breast served with this amazing coconut sauce with a side of perfectly cooked rice and a ton of seasoned grilled vegetables."

"Good?"

*not responding because of shoveling more food in face*

The Tucson Homeskillet eating all of the foods

Alright, here is where we have to give some kind of critique.

Our server was amazing, but she was the only one on the floor so sometimes our orders took a bit longer than expected. Big whoop, it happens.

But here's the clincher:

Kon Tiki does not have a modern computer POS ticket service, something that like 90% of busy establishments utilize because, oh, we don't know, it's the 21st century and efficiency is as easy as pushing a few buttons. Sure it might cost a few extra (thousand) dollars but in the end it is so worth it. Our poor but awesome server had to divvy up the five separate checks BY HAND, doing the math, tax and all that using her brain and a small calculator, all the while juggling other demanding tables. So, yeah, we had to wait a while for the bills to arrive seeing as the place was jumping but not totally full and chaotic...enough to keep her very busy let's just say. It wasn't a big problem with us because we ordered more drinks straight from the bar and we were happy to do so, but if this was a table of people that didn't know how hard it is to be a server in a busy restaurant or empathize with a young person, probably in their like first or second job, ever, doing all they can to make things right, it could have gotten ugly.

So, Kon Tiki, this is the Tucson Homeskillet advising you to get a POS system for your servers. It'll make it easier on them, on you in the long run and you'll thank us and your patrons will thank you because of this.

You're welcome.

Metal Mark just had to get in on Jack and Chili's third Scorpion Bowl

Other than that, yes...Kon Tiki serves food. Not just bobbles of celery and broken pretzel fingers on the buffet table, but real authentic and fantastic food.

When you were going to the U of A you probably ate nothing but ramen or crap corporate pizza when you scored a coupon from the bookstore and, at the time, couldn't afford the "adult" prices from the Kon Tiki menu. Not that we're saying Kon Tiki is pricey, oh no, not even close, but when you are 19 with nothing but loose change in your pocket and school debt piling up, a $12 steak might as well be a Bugatti sports car. Thing is, you can't eat a Bugatti sports car. So...where's the fun in that?

Yeah. We don't know either.

Now you know, you gotta go

Now that you are all grow'd up and adulting like a mofo, you should go back to ye olde stomping grounds of Kon Tiki, get yourself a proper drink and order up some really grand food. It's fun, it's local, it's kind of a Tucson tradition and most importantly it's really scrumptious.

Unless you're still in college and are broke as all living heck so you just might have to wait a while. If you ask us we suggest dropping out of school, selling all of your text books and then just blowing it all on a drink and food fest at Kon Tiki. If you do decide to do this, just call us up and we'll show you how its done.

Just kidding. Stay in school kids.

Forget that. Have you had the Mahi-Mahi here? Oh my gosh, so good.

Whatever. You're an adult, you make the decision. But if we were you, we'd just eat Monkey Sticks all day and drink Zombies till we start walking like one. That, of course, is up to you.

Uh huh. Just what we thought.

See you here...

Thanks Kon Tiki!

Camera, Typing and Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
At the Summer Solstice, 2016

Metal Influence: 

GRUESOME

"Savage Land"

Trident II : Eclectic Food n Booze!

We were first hipped to the Trident Grill not long after moving here to Tucson in 2006. It was at the very edge of football season, perhaps even in pre-season, and my Redskins fan friend had only one destination in mind for the game. Yep, you guessed it, the Trident Grill.

"You're going to love this place," he said rather enthusiastically as we exited the car and approached the front door. "Food is off the chain. And if your a 'Skins fan like I am this is the best place to catch a game."

We walked in and, boy, he wasn't kidding. Redskins jerseys and hats were adorned by at least 80% of the customers in the tightly packed open space. It was so busy that we almost bounced but a friendly server assured us there was space so we stuck with the original plan and stayed. Somehow we found a bit of standing room only close to the bar, ordered a couple of pints and then moved our attention to one of the various big screens showing the game. Not too sure who the Redskins were playing (the Vikings maybe?, dude, this was like almost ten years ago!) but the dedicated crowd were in a fervor with almost every play and pass.

Now, at the time, I wasn't much of a football fan, so after the first quarter I became not that interested in the game and decided that I was a bit hungry. I asked a server for a menu and when it arrived it was pretty impressive if not intimidating. 

A road sign for sore eyes

Back then the menu was really big, like food option big. Mainly focused on seafood items, the list of dishes ranged from small bites, bar food to beefy sandwiches and, of course, really massive offerings from the sea, but, like, a lot. This was the kind of menu you'd see in a space twice if not more so larger. When I glanced up towards the kitchen area I saw that it was a cramped space in the back of the restaurant with three to four guys moving, like running to get orders out on time. With a menu this packed in a space this tight I was hesitant to order anything at all. Looking closer, the dupes up on the line were at least twenty in so I made a mental note to come back later when it wasn't game time and order some food.

So I drank more beer and watched the game with my friend.

Then the Redskins lost. My friend was sad as were most of the patrons. Some got mad.

It happens.

Always a smiling face at the Trident II bar

When I finally got a chance to go back to the Trident to actually eat their food, I was a bit shocked to find out their menu had changed. It was scaled down, it was on a one sheet laminate and the prices matched the options much easier than the first time I was there. It became pretty clear that after a few Redskins games with a rather "ambitious" menu for such a mid sized area they had to meet the reality that a cramped line with a few guys on top of each other can't really bash out a Cheesecake Factory sized menu.

Okay, maybe it wasn't that big but...it was pretty imposing.

We got some crab cakes and calamari. Delicious. Very tasty, fresh and cooked to perfection. Then I think I got the Wildcat Burger, which came equipped with bacon, cheddar cheese, onion rings and the house hot bar-be-que sauce. Amazing. She-Ra got the clam chowder which was some of the best she or I have had in quite some time. It was actually nice to say the food was well worth the wait.

Oh and don't forget about the beers. Those are good too.

Trident II bartenders workin' it

It was settled then. We became regulars. Great happy hour specials, good food, awesome service, interesting beers on tap...who wouldn't be?

Then sometime in late 2015 word got out in the Tucson culinary underbelly, that owner Nelson Miller and his staff were considering opening up a new Trident Grill, possibly in the Plaza Palomino where the old Jackson Tavern used to be. Pretty soon those rumors became true as construction began right across the way from Vero Amore. In fact, if you read my haphazard escapade during the Super Bowl, that was the first time I laid eyes on the facade, which was to be called, cleverly enough: Trident II.

Trident II...I like that. I mean, some of my favorite movies are sequels, so why not just put a "Part 2" next to the original money making name? "The Empire Strikes Back"? Better than the original. "Hellboy 2"? Far superior to the first. And let's not forget, the only reason they made "Grease" is that they could make "Grease 2". No, really, I swear.

And then, after all the rumors slowly became reality and then seeing it come to life, Trident II finally opened in early 2016. Immediately I knew I had to write about it for the Homeskillet. It just seemed like too much awesome to pass up.

Nothing like good company on a beautiful day on their open patio

So on a lovely early spring afternoon I made my way to the now open Trident II only to find it just as bumpin' and packed as the original down by the U of A. Luckily I had a chance to hang out with manager Danny Gallego, who was very busy juggling issues between the bar and kitchen, and even in the really early stages of the new restaurant being open, he explained to me the reasons for expansion and the challenges that come with it.

"Well if you ever tried to dine at the original Trident Grill on any U of A game, be it home or away, you find it hard to get a seat," Danny explains with a shrug and smile. "As staff we do what we can to accommodate everyone but that is a mid-sized restaurant at best and can only hold so much. So we felt as a team that this location on Swan would be well received by all the surrounding neighborhoods and the traffic here, which there is plenty of, could create the volume of customers that is needed."

I'm always a sucker for a perfectly poured IPA

Sure the original Trident is a success and by the head count in it's sister/brother store, they are well on their way to even more progress. Yet in the early trials of a new venture there are always obstacles and hurdles that out even seasoned restaurant workers to the test.

"Everything is a challenge," notes Danny trying to maintain the crowd during a busy happy hour, "some are lessons learned and some not so much. Every restaurant owner has a plan in their head how everything will fall into place once the dust settles and the construction is done. Things out of your control pop up out of nowhere! Such as kitchen equipment working fine then suddenly shutting down right before service. Luckily you have the tools and knowledge to troubleshoot the problem if your tech guy is off skiing in Colorado when the POS (point of sale, the tickets you see streaming out of little black machines at the bar or on the line) system just decides to stop operating."

Trident II culinary team doing work

Okay, so we get that running a busy restaurant is tough work, but now for the fun stuff: The food!

Me personally am a fan of most of the items on the menu. No really, I haven't had a bad meal once, be it just a snack or a full on rager of an eat-fest. Now, I have my favorites but I just had to ask what Danny's favorite menu item was.

"Oh man," he says clapping his hands and leaning his head back as if dreaming. "Hands down the Maryland crab cakes. Unbelievable. One of our kitchen guys, Jason, is so creative. He comes up with the most outrageous food. We are so lucky to have a really talented kitchen staff like we do. Those guys earn their stripes!"

Delicious food waiting to be delivered to lucky patrons

"I wouldn't say what we are doing here 'separates' us from the original that owner Nelson (Miller) started almost fifteen years ago, but more of a 'continuation'", states Danny when I asked about the concept of Trident II and whats contrastive from the original. "Right now I'd have to say the location would have to be the obvious answer.

"We as a company consider all of our patrons family and that, right there, is what really separates us from most other restaurants. I mean, look at this," extending his hands to the throng of people seated or waiting to be. "This...this is a lot of family!"

Happy Hour in full effect

Seeing the amount of flurry on the floor and in the kitchen, servers constantly coming up and asking questions and an unexpected 12 top just showing up with no notice, I knew Danny had to get back to work so I just had to know one thing:

What is he looking forward to in the near future.

It didn't take him long to answer as he beamed saying, "Oh man, I am really looking forward to the warmer months coming up. Our patio is completely shaded after 10am and with these big ol' fans we got installed and going on here, it just might create the perfect environment to sit back, enjoy the day with a tall icy beer without getting scorched by the sun.

"We just want to create the same experience as the original and just feed off of our successes. It's funny, you'd be surprised at how many people here at the new location have never even heard about the original down on Speedway. But, hey...big shout to all Team Trident. Because of the success of the original that's why we've had the fortune to open Trident II!"

With that, Danny was whisked away by his team in need as the happy hour was winding down and the dinner rush was about to commence. Success indeed...

Just start from the left and keep moving

Feeling like Frogger in the middle of a busy highway trying to take pictures, I assessed that I had gotten what I needed, finished my beer and took off. Just like the first time at the original Trident, just as busy and lively as that initial visit, I told myself that I would be back to, yes, eat the food. Have you had their charcuterie boards, dubbed "Nelson's Love Plate"? Oh yeah, I'm gonna need some of that soon.

For now I felt the love of everyone at Trident II and know that even further prosperity is headed their way.

Just don't go back to those huge silly menus. You're doing fine now. Just...fine.

Thanks Team Trident II. Like I said before, sometimes sequels are better than the original. Not that...the first...you know...it's just that...um...

You know what I'm trying to say, right? Okay.

Cool.

The staff was having just as much fun as we were

Camera and Typing
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Early/Mid March, 2016

Metal Influence:

MASTODON

"Leviathan"

American Flying Buffalo: Your New Food Truck Obsession Starts Here!

If we know one thing about food trucks here in Tucson is that if they have a specific dish or style they usually just stick with that. Taco carts sell tacos, hot dogs do hot dogs, crepes are all about crepes...you get the idea. That's normally the norm. But what if I were to tell you about a new truck on the block that is chopping it up and serving up dishes that are as diverse as the heritage of it's chef and owner. I hope you would say, "Bring it on Metal Mark!", because I know you're cool like that.

Enter American Flying Buffalo.

On a chilly evening, all you need is American Flying Buffalo

A brief history. 

The man behind the flavor madness is Eddie Bickel, who has been bartending now and then at the Saddlehorn Saloon for quite some time. Thing is, Eddie is a natural cook, always has been, so one day he decided to bring in some homemade wings and serve it up to his bar regulars. Turns out, they were some of the best wings anyone had ever had. His business started to grow at the bar but not just for his drink slinging abilities. People were actually lining up for his food, not just the booze. Since it was always a dream of Eddie's to open up his own restaurant, he gathered up what resources and backing he could and before you know it, he is the proud owner of a bright orange truck to deliver amazing food to the (essentially) good people of Tucson.

"I had just won the Best Wings in Tucson from the Easter Seals foundation and was looking to bottle my own sauces", Eddie notes while turning chicken and burgers on his long grill from the back of the truck. "Originally the name started out as Arizona Flying Buffalo with the slogan 'Bring Your Taste To New Heights'! I actually got some product into a few local shops and they did really well. To reach a larger demographic, I changed the name to American Flying Buffalo so I pulled them from the shelves and just decided to open up my own restaurant, which has always been my dream. 

"I still want my sauces to be in stores but, really, I wanted my own place to get going so people know where it actually comes from."

Burgers and lemongrass chicken on the grill 

Sure Eddie has amazing wings and incredibly addicting sauces to go with them, but with a full service food truck, it was time to start looking into expanding his culinary horizons. 

Born in Vietnam to a Vietnamese mother and Dutch/German father, he was exposed to a grand plethora of diverse flavors and dishes from all across the globe seeing as his family was also influenced by French cooking (if you know your history, you know the French had a huge impact on the Vietnamese during their occupancy...oh just read about it HERE) and even American and Mexican cooking as well. 

Eddie and his "secret burger seasoning"

"Growing up, my mom used to bar-be-que all the time on weekends and everyone would come over to eat," muses Bickel over rising flames from his grill on a drizzly evening in front of Danny's Baboquivari. "Once the marinaded meat hit the grill we could smell it and see the smoke and we'd all come running. Everyone thinks their mom is the best cook but my mom is the best chef ever! 

"Our dinner table during the holidays was full of everything: turkey, eggrolls, ham, tamales, roast beef, salsa...you name it. I always tease her about teaching her how to cook when in reality she was the one that taught me how to cook."

Well all that time with mom really paid off. Eddie and American Flying Buffalo dole out some of the best mobile food fare around. With a sundry of styles and flavors, on any given night you really don't know what the menu might entail. But one thing is for sure, you will always be treated to a huge and delicious burger and a steaming bowl of his signature pho.

"It's like what Anthony Bourdain said", Eddie says with a grin, "'I would burn down cities for a great bowl of pho'. Ha! What I love so much about pho is that you can add anything you want in it. My pho comes from an old family recipe and it's just slow slow cooking and you gotta always remember to skim the top." 

Another happy customer

"I have been cooking, seriously, since I was thirteen," informs Eddie after handing out a heaping platter to a happy patron. "I started out as a dishwasher when I was sixteen for a fish fry place in Sierra Vista. But I soon got a line cook job when they saw I had some skills. 

"Then one day I just had to quit and immediately got a job cooking at a mom and pop burger and beer place which was soon bought out by a enterprising couple. They would come into the restaurant almost everyday and get burgers. They told me it was my secret rub for the meat that kept them coming back. Eventually they cleaned house of all the lackluster employees...everyone but me! That was back in 1987 and for three years straight we won best steakhouse in town. We even won a chili cookoff in Tombstone, one that had almost sixty contestants. From there I went to Phoenix to enroll in culinary school but instead I ended up apprenticing with Chef King at the Phoenix Hilton."

Cooked to perfection

Eddie continues as he "beast mode"s his way around the truck, trying to get orders out to chilly and hungry customers. 

 "Around that time my mom opened up a Chinese food restaurant in Bisbee so I moved out there to help her out. For five years straight she won best Asian restaurant. Five years! After she retired I really didn't want to live in Bisbee anymore, so I moved to Tucson where I got a job as a chef at another Hilton, but cooking in hotels was starting to bore me.

"So pretty soon I started bartending at the Saddlehorn Saloon for extra cash and for a new challenge, then I  started bringing in my wings to the bar and then, well...the rest is history!"

Grill master Eddie doing work

And what a history.

All of the combined energies, food factions, locations and methods, really paid off for Eddie seeing as his cuisine has a very distinct rapture to it. 

The lemongrass chicken is so succulent yet so, lets say, "Tucson-ish". Is that a term? Well, it is now. Enter any Asian eating establishment and you can get, I'm sure, delicious lemongrass chicken, but it might have the same quality and distinction of so many herds of similar eateries. American Flying Buffalo bring a twist and turn to the dish, completely making it their own which is something to be savored and enjoyed to fully understand what you are reading about here. 

Same goes for the pho. There is a bite and credence to the flavor profiles Eddie creates in a bubble hue of spices and secrets he keeps in a continuum steam brew on the line. The fat noodles, the cilantro, the citrus, the perfectly rare meats, it all comes together in yet another uncommon provision of simple yet wonderful sparks of inspiration and just wanting to get the magic of a real bowl of pho to the headscratchers that might not be convinced of its glorious healing power. 

No really, on this sputtering rain evening, Eddie's pho somehow made us all feel just a little bit better. Not that we were sick...just better. 

PS: and it's pronounced FUH, not FO. Just saying. 

Delicious pho broth roiling away

Always the freshest ingredients 

Fantastic flavor, slurping is encouraged

"But what about the burgers?", you might be asking me. "You said in your header that American Flying Buffalo has some of the best burgers in town. Is this true?"

Well...yes. 

Each one weighs in at a decent half pound; a good n' hearty half pound. I got something called the Mac Daddy, which was loaded with crisp lettuce, tomatoes, onions, thick slab of cheddar cheese and a "secret sauce". Combined with his already special rub, this thing nearly killed me. And, I was alright with that. 

If I was to enter the kingdom of the otherside, face slathered in burger juice and secret sauce, with tater tot (yes, Eddie serves up tater tots, and fries too but, whatever...tots!) speckles dusting my mouth and beard, I'd do so with a dumb grin and lazy meat soaked gait, totally content. 

Then the Almighty would look down and ask, "Why are you here so early?"

I'd be all, "Fxxk it. American Flying Buffalo dude."

Then we'd have a good laugh before going off to see whatever band Cliff Burton had established in the after life.

Mackin' down on the Mac Daddy. Not a great shot because I was on  meat high and sweat (note perspiration on finger)

To make matters worse (not really but...well we were already packed in with food), Eddie had a special eggroll going that night, one that he usually changes depending on his mood and what ingredients he can get fresh that day. 

This time around it was a pastrami Reuben roll. Oh yeah, you heard it right and you heard it right here: eggroll stuffed with my favorite cut of deli meat, topped with provolone cheese, fried to perfection and served with a spicy Russian dressing. If you ever get a chance to eat these things, please do yourself a favor and do so. Check his social media, make sure he's got this going and hunt Eddie down. 

We had three servings that night. Three. After everything else we ate. Three. 

Trust me here.

Reuben rolls ready to, well, roll

Classic techniques makes Eddie's rolls so sensational

Three rolls were just the beginning for us that night

"I just love the people's reactions. I love being in the restaurant business!", beams Eddie as he tosses his famous wings. "No really. Everything from the back of the house to the front. But mostly I love it when people say I just made their tastebuds explode or that they can't get fried rice anywhere else because of me.

"People always ask me 'what's my favorite thing to cook?' All I can tell them is that I simply love to cook! Whatever. That's why I don't want to just, say, open up an Italian place because I'd just be cooking Italian food all day. Or a Mexican place, or strictly Asian. Not that there's anything wrong with that but...I just wanna cook what I want to cook.

"But running a food truck isn't easy," Eddie confesses. "We have to keep this thing extremely clean and we detail it once a week. Plus having to refuel and all...everything else is awesome. I'm used to working in small spaces so the tightness in here doesn't bother me. I really love the mobility and always serving to a new audience."

Wings are on point as well

And Eddie's thoughts on the future of American Flying Buffalo?

"I can see us opening up restaurants here in Tucson and elsewhere. That's our dream and goal. I would love to go back to that restaurant in Sierra Vista and just buy it. That's where I met my business partner Bill (Tankesly) where we worked together. It's definitely on our wish list. 

"Plus I want to get our sauces out there back on the shelves along with our seasonings and dressings. Who knows, maybe I'll write a cookbook someday!"

Then, in the midst of his flurry of activity, Eddie paused, looked at me and said:

"You know, I would like to say I wish I had more time to bake more."

Huh. Okay. 

So simple, so perfect, definitely not your basic burger

With a belly full of goodness, cooked with love, we headed out into the cold dribble of the night,  and all we could do was exhale a delighted breath which caused a rare quick steam cloud in the Tucson air. 

Later, in a beef and pho soaked slumber, I had a dream about a heaven that was lined with bright orange food trucks, manned by heavy metal bassists and serving up vegan sprout patties while blasting Jimmy Buffet records over a sea of cold soup made with the tears of a Nickleback reunion. 

Wait. Is this heaven...or?

Nevermind. Eddie's food was worth it.  

Cheers!

Be sure to follow American Flying Buffalo on Facebook and Twitter

Camera and Typing
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Early Autumn, 2015

Metal Influence:

Bison BC