Believe (Some Of) The Hype

"But Stray Dogs is going to be on this show called Ginormous Food. You're a food writer. Why haven't you been there?"

To be honest with you...we don't know.

See, we were big fans of the previous occupant, Zona 78, especially their Danish Blue pizza that featured a ton of stinky blue cheese, oh man...so good, and when Stray Dogs moved in we always said that we would go there and investigate but, well, it just never happened.

Until recently that is.

The original plan was to try out this new deli on 1st Avenue but when we got there we discovered that it had yet to open. Maybe we should have called first? So plan B was to finally go to Stray Dogs, order a bunch of stuff and see what happens.

This is what happened...

Pickles or just squishy cucumbers?

It was a pretty hot day, an hour or so after the lunch rush, like 2pm-ish, and we were ready to get down. Some lunchtime stragglers were hanging out on the small patio in the front and the place was relatively empty except for a table of old ladies that gave us the murder eye when we walked in. Why the murder stink eye? We don't know.

I mean, we looked okay, there was just three of us, but I guess a small crew of "yungins" moving in on their lunchtime turf was ill advised.

And we're not even that young.

Anyway we found a table next to a window, opened the menu and made some decisions.

As serious pickle fans we had to get their pickle jar appetizer. Then we settled on some chicken taquitos, the burger of the day and a pizza called the Hair Of The Dog that features bell peppers, bacon, eggs, French fries and then finished with a sriracha drizzle. Even though we are kind of done with sriracha this option just sounded too dumb to pass up.

Then for later we had to get the always blogged about Munchies milkshake. This thing comes with a chocolate frosting rim decorated with M&Ms, potato chips and pretzels, a Rice Crispies treat and cinnamon sugar donut holes. C'mon now...how could we not order that thing?

That's the milkshake that's going to be on that show right?

Probably.

The salsa was the star here

The service was fine but the beer selection is pretty boring. It's okay but we sort of expected something a little more adventurous from a place that boasts wild food. We settled on a Barrio Mocha Java Stout (which was quite lovely), a Dragoon IPA (which always delights) and a Sierra Nevada rotating beer called the Sidecar, which was an orange pale ale. Meh.

First to come out was the pickles and chicken taquitos.

Hate to say it but...those weren't pickles. They tasted as if someone cut a cucumber into spears and threw it into some salty water overnight. Not good and not crispy. Very disappointing. Two of us at the table make our own pickles and its not that hard to get an even somewhat decent pickle. It just takes a little effort and a little more time. Unless they fix their recipe, Stray Dogs needs to change it from "pickle jar" to "jar of slightly salted cucumbers".

Sorry.

The chicken taquitos were thankfully tasty. Not a whole lot of seasoning but the chicken was cooked well, the cheese wasn't overly cheesy and there was a good crunch on the tortilla. What totally saved this dish though was the salsa. Get that stuff in jars quick and sell it. A nice heat, good roasted flavor and the peppers tasted really fresh.

Whew!

Yep...that was a burger

Next up was the burger and pizza.

The burger patty had a fine flavor, it was cooked alright and the large side of fries were definitely the star: hand cut and seasoned perfectly. The veggies that came with it were nice and fresh but the bun was really greasy which was kind of off putting.

You can even see it in the picture above, it's shiny from the amount of grease coming off of it. Okay, its standard practice to toast the bun on the grill, flat side down, to give it an added texture but I think the kids working in the kitchen that day thought it would be fun to put the bun top side down in a pool of fryer muck. If they would have left the bun alone all together we would have been totally okay with the burger. But...

Note to Stray Dogs: Do not add grease to your hamburger buns! 

That is all.

The Hair of the Dog pizza was actually kind of fun. The various toppings somehow worked and we didn't mind the sriracha element, in fact we rather enjoyed it. The sauce on the pizza was tasty as well, not too heavy handed, and the crust was cooked evenly. Thing is, this pizza is really hearty. We were only able to take down half because of all of the other items we sampled and we still had to make room for that milkshake Godzilla.

Speaking of which, when all was said and done The Munchies milkshake made it to the table.

Yep, this thing is kind of glorious. It was tall with a lot of color and a lot going on.

The chocolate sauce bark cascading down was a sweet, salty and crunchy delight. The ice cream was delicious, really firm but creamy, with lil' bit of donut floating at the bottom which made for a sugary doughy surprise when you sucked it down on these really wide straws.

The Rice Crispies treat was the only thing that fell flat. It just didn't do anything. Didn't make sense with the shake, didn't have much flavor, was kind of dense and boring. That said, what made this whole trip and experience worth while were just two little things dangling from the straws.

The donuts.

Don't know how to properly say this but they were some of the best donuts we've ever had. Perfectly fried, perfectly seasoned, perfectly sweet and just plain perfect. Stray Dogs needs to take out the GS in their name and replace it was NUTS and just be a straight up donut shop. Luckily they sell them individually so next time we are in the neighborhood you better believe we're getting a dozen and locking ourselves in a dark room, eating them as we cry as a donut glaze of shame overcomes us.

Whatever.

They are that good.

All this was missing was actual dog hair

This was our first experience at Stray Dogs but we feel it wont be the last. Sorry it took so long for us to get there but with other food writing obligations we can be a bit slow on the take these days.

But now that we are hitting a grove with the new gig we promise to blog more often. There is a lot going on in Tucson, food and drinking wise, and we plan on covering it as much as humanly possible.

Thank you Stray Dogs for the hospitality. Sorry we had to come down on you for a couple of issues we feel are totally workout-able but overall we had a great time and will try to come back and try some actual dogs and other things.

But them donuts though!

Oh man.

Let's hope those things make it on that food show.

Cheers!

Not pictured: the best thing at Stray Dogs

Camera, Typing and Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
A Perfect Spring Day, 2017

Metal Influence:

DESTRUCTION

"Eternal Devastation"

Blake's Lotaburger Comes To Town And...Sure.

I've seen this place. No really. Road travelling through New Mexico there were a bunch of Blake's Lotaburger  on the side of the highway but we never stopped to try out the food. For some reason we just kept on going and when we finally were out of the "land of enchantment" we kinda forgot all about that Lotaburger stand and continued on with our lives, free to pursue other burger spots and a career of religious fulfillment.

Then a few months ago it was announced that a Lotaburger was coming to Tucson. Oh. Okay. Cool. I guess.

And that's when locals began losing their frikkin minds!

Here it is...and...okay

As a California native, we just took having In-N-Out Burgers every five miles or so apart for granted. They were and are, and will be, always there. It was just road food for me. When driving for a while and you need a fairly expedient, satisfying and reasonable grub stop, the go to was In-N-Out.

But do you remember when one opened up here in Tucson a few years ago? Dude, it was like the second coming of the Meat Messiah. The lines coiled around blocks to get a sample of the West Coast style fries and burgs. It wasn't as if they were giving away free food or that the In-N-Out was suddenly the only place to get a quicky lunch here in Tucson...it's just a burger, man!

I mean, it is a tasty burger...but still.

So when folks started flipping about this Lotaburger joint, of course we had to get a sample and see what all the hype was about.

Packed parking lot and crazy long drive thru lines

Started back in the 50's by a guy named Blake Chanslor, Lotaburger quickly became a staple in the Albuquerque fast food quadrant, eventually expanding to other New Mexico cities to reign supreme in fry grease and cheese. Famous for featuring fresh roasted green chiles on their burgers, the chain soon became a local favorite earning the title of 'Best Green Chile Burger in the World' by National Geographic and now, ladies and gentlereaders...Tucson has one.

Friends who needed a Lotaburger fix asap braved the early soft opening chaos only to report that it took almost an hour at times to get their food. For a burger. When I asked if it was worth the hour wait, the response was a resounding:

"Eh."

Patrons lining up to start waiting to wait

Just "eh" for a burger you waited for up to an hour to eat? Oh man. But then others chimed in claiming that it beats In-N-Out by tenfold in flavors and concept. Heck, Lotaburger even serves up breakfast burritos (take that Taco Bell!) so now it was like 50/50 as far as what I was to expect from this place.

The dust had (sorta) settled from its big grand opening and I got there fairly early, like 10:30 am, on a Wednesday. I got parking right next to the front door so I had thought I lucked out. If you can get rockstar parking at a popular joint, bets are that it's not as hoppin' as it usually is or could be, so I opened the door and stepped inside.

There was a decent amount of people in there and a fair bustle of activity, just not the turmoil I had come to expect. I suppose at such a non-lunch/too late for breakfast time frame this light smattering of burger hungry patrons was to kind of be expected.

Here's the thing: This Lotaburger is pretty small and is set up quite oddly. When you first walk in you immediately are set to queue for your order. The main dining area is off to your left and there are a few tables within butt height and distance to the right. There was one employee on the register who had a few folks asking questions and placing orders with her under a fairly paired down and basic menu which stretched out above them all. The kitchen behind her was a squall of food hustle though. People were running around putting items in bags, manning the grills, taking orders from the drive thru window, slapping meat on buns and then running out to the floor and yelling out numbers.

"Number 283!?", announced a team member in a white shirt which was immediately followed by a dude raising his hand, claiming that he was number 283 and then was handed a sack full of steamy beef promise. Wow, at 10:30 am they were already up to almost 300 orders.

Impressive.

Here it is: the Lotaburger with green chiles

I was standing behind a guy whom I thought was in line, but when the line in front of him began to surge forward the dude didn't move. So I asked him if he was in line. He then turned around and stated that he had already ordered and was just waiting. Huh. So I moved up past him and prepared to order.

Looking around I noticed lots of folks just standing there, holding tickets, staring at the general register/kitchen area hoping their order pops up next. In fact, there were more people waiting for their food in the designated order line than there were actual people gearing up to order food. So people would come in, see some person standing in the queue area, queue behind that person and just stand there like idiots thinking they were in the line, when in fact the real line was a few heads down a notch, being blocked by folks who were just hanging out and waiting for their order to arrive. There is no wait station or area to hang out in as you anticipate someone calling out your ticket number. Kind of a bad move on the Lotaburger design team if you ask me. People just milling about the dining space clutching ticket orders while other people nibble on drippy sandwiches just looked uncomfortable for all parties involved.

So I placed my order, three burgers with green chiles, to go, grabbed my ticket and tried to find a spot where I wouldn't be confused with someone in line or bothering some sap who's just trying to enjoy their burger without some dork standing there going "Hey, maybe my order will come up next...what'dya think?"

It took about 15-20 minutes to get my sack full of burgs and by that time the line to order at the register was out the door. The 11 am, early lunch crowd was beginning to pack it, so I grabbed my goodies and mushed my way through the horde and ran to the car.

But when I got to the car I was blocked in by the teeming mass of drive thru patrons. Again, not the best in design. Luckily a good soul saw my predicament, backed up as much as he could, curbing out a bit onto Speedway, which allowed me to wiggle the rig just enough to make it safely to the street.

Thank you kind person. You know who you are.

Metal Mark in Lotaburger judge mode

My first stop was to drop one off to my lady, She-Ra, to snack on while she was at work.

"You didn't get fries?", she asked.

"No," I replied. "I just wanted to get out of there."

She would later reply via text: 'Well that was a spicy pile of garbage'

Let's play a game: Try to find the green chile topping

Next was to visit our good friend Chili, who co-owns our favorite bar Danny's Baboquivari. You might know Chili from our strip club excursion where we got free burgers and got the go-ahead to take photos of said free burgers in an environment that isn't so spiffy on things like that. Chili is always up for a Homeskillet food challenge and this one was a breeze compared to others we have endured in the past.

We both took a seat on the outside patio, unwrapped the provisions and assessed the damage.

"Good meat to bun ratio," quipped Chili. "But pretty skimpy on the green chiles."

The burgers looked like...burgers. Nothing amazing, nothing groundbreaking. Burgers. Amidst the usual lettuce, pickle, onion fare, the meat was topped with a scant amount of roasted green chile plop. Now, we had heard that Lotaburger was famous for their green chiles and you'd think that they would embellish the Tucson eaters with just a bit more sweet heat than what we were witnessing here.

Whatever. It was time to eat.

Chili is a man of action

Was this burger worth the 20 minute wait? Not really. Does it live up to the hype? I don't think so. Is it the best green chile burger in the world? Umm...not in Tucson, no.

The burger was...fine. It's at that grade of an In-N-Out but not on that level if you know what I mean. Maybe some chains in New Mexico hook it up like no other but for this burger enthusiast, it tasted like a slightly higher class of fast food burger.

Half way through our burgers though, we began to realize why they use so little green chile: The heat and spice is a slow yet palpable burn. If they had slathered more of the green mush relish on the meat we would have been in some trouble. Not crazy napalm scorch but it did have a bite.

And believe me, we can take the heat.

"You know what," Chili said (by the way, yes, we found it funny that our good friend Chili was sampling green chile burgers...we got it, thank you) as he finished his burger and wiped his mouth, "I ate it but I don't think I need to again. Maybe in a year or so when the crowds die down...maybe. But for now, all I can say is: I just ate a burger with some green chiles on it. And, I can move on with my life."

No truer words were said on that fine sunny Wednesday afternoon.

Some folks have waited for up to an hour for this thing...really?

To be fair we did not try the breakfast burritos, we did not sample the fries and we only ate their basic burger with green chiles, so there really wasn't a well rounded account for all that Lotaburger can offer up. But if a place is boasting the "best green chile burger in the world", you better believe I am eating that burger. It's sort of like how I judge diners: if they screw up a simple club sandwich I wont go back. Or if a Japanese restaurant has crappy chicken teriyaki. If you can't get the basics down how is the rest of the menu going to fare?

Listen, there are so many burger options in this town and Lotaburger just seems like the new kid at school that at first appears all fun and shiny but then when you get to the heart of things they are proud of their Nickleback ticket collection and thought that the last Fantastic Four movie was "Oh my god, so good!"

Only to repeat myself: It was a burger. It had green chiles on it. We ate it. And then we moved on.

So to sum up our Lotaburger experience, just let this photo of me tell you what we all thought:

Camera, Typing and Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
First Wednesday in April, 2016

Metal Influence:

NEUROSIS

"The Time Of The Beasts"

"Hey, Tucson Homeskillet, All Of The Food Action Is Downtown...How Come You Don't Write About It?"

When I moved to Tucson in early 2006 from San Francisco, downtown wasn't much of anything really. I mean, it had a few cool bars, a decent pizza place, The Grill which sold tater-tots and a venue where I spun Hard Rock and Heavy Metal tunes to a captive audience of no one. Honestly, downtown Tucson didn't do much for me and I rarely took the leap of cruising on over there, mainly because the parking sucked. Other than meeting the occasional pal for drinks or playing old Slayer and Motley Crue songs to an empty space, what's the point?

But then, in just the last few short years, something happened. An explosion it seemed, kind of out of nowhere, started slowly erupting downtown. Suddenly upscale bars, restaurants and brewpubs began spouting up everywhere and as a food guy, this made me pretty excited.

That is...until the Tucson Homeskillet made the way down there.

One of many places everyone insists we have to try, and after we did...*shrugs*

Don't get us wrong, we do love some fancy food now and then among chef driven eateries. The mastery of flavors and courses has always been a decadent delight. Heck, our Twitter feed and Instagram is basically just food from the delicate care yet well worn hands of chefs from all over the world. Do you not think we want to see and taste what Rene Redzepi is doing to inky cap mushrooms for his renown restaurant Noma? Or watch Magnus Nilsson perfectly cook huge sea scallops over burning juniper branches in the kitchen at his place, Faviken, in some remote outpost in Sweden? Or dream about the sausages April Bloomfield creates for her various eateries and then go hang out with her drinking a cold beer and talking about what cheese goes best with roasted beets?

(a good stinky goat cheese variety most likely...)

But, for whatever reason it may be, so far...the downtown food scene just isn't doing it for us right now.

Sure its amazing but just not our scene

Look, when the Tucson Homeskillet got revamped almost two years ago, after briefly contributing on another local food website, our goal was to focus on the hidden gems, the lil' out of the way places, the possibly questionable food trucks and dive bars with kitchens and overall funky mom and pops that dot this wide, dusty and chock full of possibilities desert city of ours. That's the food we like and that's the style we feel comfortable in.

Does that mean we should just write off all the higher end and "fancy" dining options here in Tucson? Of course not! But...here is the thing:

You've got so many other options, websites and publications as a go-to for what's the next big thing in upscale Tucson dining, why should our humble eat and drink blog try to muscle in on the big boys already established food writing territory?

Huh, when you put it that way, maybe we should.

We kind of prefer our ice cream from old drug stores and windowless vans

Thing is, at this point, the Tucson Homeskillet is just hitting its stride and it's going to take awhile for us to catch up to trusted and well rooted publications and websites. We don't get invited to soft openings to new eateries....yet. The email isn't blowed up with early notifications on what is being planned for that empty space that used to be a speakeasy now that some bigwig restauranteur from LA bought the place and is considering an artichoke and rum ripple concept. Or even getting press passes to food and booze events. We're just too DIY and small (yet well cooked) potatoes right now. But hopefully that'll change soon and the Homeskillet can hang out with the cool kids.

For now, though...we'll stick with the weirdos at table nine.

World of, well...I guess

It's not like we haven't tried to get into the downtown food action. In fact, just recently, we have taken tours of downtown in hopes that a restaurant or gastropub peaks our interest and we crack out of our rather un-hip shell. All of the menus looked...fine...but just not enough for us to break the bank and risk getting not great service (which we have heard about way too many times and that would bug the crap out of us). The over saturation of Tucson culinary chic in a fairly tight area, along with the parking situation, for the most part just keeps us on the lookout for a food cart with amazing fry bread tacos that no one has heard about or how delicious the Friday fish fry is at that bar that looks like should be condemned or even some crud hut that sells beads and dreamcatchers but also serves up some of the best pozole in town.

We even have friends that own places on Congress and more that even work in that area, so let this blurb here set as an apology for not hanging out as much as we'd like. We'll get down there again...someday. We promise.

Now, if we did get the invites and "comped" course meals, you better believe we will be there! Who wouldn't? When those opportunities arrive we will grab them by the apron and face dive into the food and let you know what we thought and how the event transpired. Even if we don't dress or look the part.

Is it cool to wear well scuffed old school SK8 Vans to a white linen multi-course tasting event? Hope so 'cause that's what we got...

Uh...no

Tucson is so rich with an amazing food culture which continues to grow and expand right before our eyes and tastebuds with uncharted culinary terrain yet to be discovered. For that reason alone, being a food blog and big eaters makes us chomp at the yummy bit as to what more is out there and what is in the works for the near and distant future. Downtown Tucson is fine for most but for the time being we will leave the food coverage there for the kids with the money and contacts. We really don't have the money right now. And our one contact can get us a free taco now and then. Not enough to be considered "big competition" at present. Is it? It's a pretty good taco.

But we can write good though...right? Us write good! Yay! Thanks for reading.

That's all. And we find the Hi-Fi Lounge rather terrifying. So many TVs. So....many...douchenozzles.

Sorry. But that's our story and we're sticking to it.

Have fun!

Didn't take this picture, don't know these people

Photo Uploads, Typing and Griping 
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Last Day in March, 2016

Metal Influence:

TESTAMENT

"Apocalyptic City"

Fumbling Around Tucson During the Super Bowl

The Super Bowl, for me anyway, always represents the end of a season and the beginning of a new one. Winter, kind of, officially ends when the winner of the game gets handed that oblong silver medal and is showered with multi colored confetti spewing out of plastic canons. The holiday season is long gone, the decorations are put away and all we have to look forward to now is the dreaded pink and muck of Valentine's Day.

Baseball and basketball linger for far too long, hockey is cool but not the biggest American diversion. So the end of football means that we have to wait another seven months till the weather starts to cool off a bit and we can prepare, once again, for the awesome calendar holidays and a sport that all but consumes most sports fans. I myself decided to be a football fan a few years ago and, since then, have wavered in and out with my attention. Some seasons I have fun with it and watch as many games as possible. But some, such as the most recent, I really didn't care about any of it and I would blankly stare at the TV at my local watering hole if a game was on. Just wasn't feeling football in the '15-'16 season. Just didn't care. It happens.

But, for some odd reason, I wanted to try and get into the super bowl this year. Not play in the game silly but make an attempt to give a crap, just one last time, before spring hits and the summer wave of heat and bad television takes precedence. So in order to do so I thought it would be fun to completely immerse myself with super bowl happenings all across Tucson.

The idea was to map out a bunch of neighborhood and sports bars that advertised themselves as a Super Bowl headquarters and restaurants touting food and drink specials to coincide with the sport spectacle, take a bunch of photos, chat about the food and drinks and have a good time. Seems pretty fun right?

Yeah.

It didn't hurt that the night before the game, and my Tucson super bowl trek, Metallica played a free show at the stadium in San Francisco and live streamed it. Now, I have only seen Metallica live twice; the first was their Master of Puppets tour just a few short months before Cliff Burton died in that bus accident and the second was their ...And Justice For All show which was cool but lacked the energy of the days playing with Cliff. Then they released the "Black Album" then I stopped caring and then time passed and, well, here we are.

Thing is, the show they delivered the night before the game was really fun and impressive. They sounded great, seemed to be having a good time, played a lot of old school favorites and I'm sure with the talent and youthful energy of bassist Robert Trujillo have found a new vitality in what they do. So I went to bed that night happy and excited about my adventures the next day.

"Too heavy to play halftime"

The map I created had me starting in my neighborhood (midtown) with some local bars, then winding around various east side locations, back around Speedway and Broadway then ending up on University Avenue with all of the open air locations with huge TVs and possible heaps of screaming fans. For a second I thought about going downtown but...meh. If you know me then you know I don't go downtown much. Let the other food writers cover that territory. I'll cover the rest.

So my first stop was a place right down the street from me, Nancy's Fort Lowell Pub. It doesn't take much for the owner, staff and even a few regulars to bring in a swinging potluck. So I was sure that for the super bowl, they would pull out all the stops.

First stop on the super bowl adventure

I got there a bit early, like 3pm, an hour and a half hours before kickoff, and they were still setting up. In the midst of people bringing in offerings, there was already an impressive stash of brauts, chili, chips, pulled pork and so on. A lot of people I know are a bit weary of going into Nancy's, mainly because of it's location (1st and Ft. Lowell at the dark end of a line of shops) but mostly because this is a real neighborhood bar with real neighborhood patrons. There is absolute no pretension at this place and that is why we love it. An honest drink for an honest price? Yes please. Then throw on top of that the usual pop up of a potluck? Awesome.

It was still pre-game and I had a lot of ground to cover, so I made my way out and onto the next location.

Bartender Patty's beloved Cowboys crockpot filled with slow cooked goodness

Now, some of you may know while others have literally no idea, I am married to the uber bar maven of Old Chicago on Campbell Ave, She-Ra. Have been for a decade now; the reason I moved to Tucson in the first place. One year she was recognized for her homemade hot sauce and mix that goes into their Bloody Mary and won "best of" from local media. Pretty cool.

Well, for the super bowl, Old Chicago was running a special on Bloody Mary's and I decided to check it out even though She-Ra is out of town training new staff in a Texas location.

Me and this place go way back

Here is where super bowls of the past started to come back and haunt me.

For a few years I was the pizza chef and kitchen supervisor at Old Chicago and the minute I stepped foot into the restaurant I remembered that the super bowl was a notoriously slow day. We always overstaffed the kitchen, over prepped for the onslaught of tickets we were preparing to blind us with orders...all of which never came.

Usually by halftime we sent most kitchen guys home and just froze the over prep for later use. No one was ordering Bloody Mary's and in the still eve of a kick off the place was a bit quiet. So I said my hellos, took a photo or two and left.

It's just not the same without She-Ra.

Waiting for the game to start, trying all 110 beers

Third on the list was our usual hangout, Danny's, which had a wing cook off starting at 3. Unfortunately I was a little late seeing as I had already been to two other locations celebrating the big game but was lucky enough to eat a few wings, have my first drink and relax in a comfortable spot before heading back out.

I know, I talk about this place a lot...it's like home away from home

The wings that I did get to sample were delicious. In  fact, since I was too late to be a judge, the wings that I thought should win actually did win. See, this is the kind of forethought and community inclusion that I love about days such as the super bowl and about places such as Danny's. If you're not going to spend game day at home or at a friend's house, why not go to your usual spot and enjoy the day with your adopted bar buddies?

Much like Nancy's, Danny's was filling up and was full of happy customers a good hour before kickoff. Unfortunately, I had a long day ahead so I finished my drink and headed up to my next pinned location.

Amazing BBQ chicken wings as part of the cookoff

Vero Amore is one of my go to restaurants for pizza and has been for quite some time. It is so good, for the most part. Now that Tucson has Pizzaria Bianco and the mobile unit Fiamme Pizza Napoletana, they seem to teeter on good and acceptable lately. But they were advertising themselves as a go to spot for the super bowl, so I parked my car and got there just in time to see and hear GaGa sing the national anthem.

I thought the girl killed it. In the best way possible.

Werk that anthem hunty

When I asked the girl at the host stand what they're specials were, she looked distressed and said she didn't know of any. So she scuttled off, asked one of the chefs and then came back saying there was a rosemary potato pizza special and a gnocchi special.

Were those two items cheaper because they were special? She said no. What about drinks? You have to have a beer or cocktail special for the game, right?

There wasn't any.

Huh.

Looking around, I noticed the place was near empty. Old Chicago at least boasted specials with reduced prices but Vero Amore, advertising super bowl deals, had none. Interesting.

This is where things began to take a dull and fruitless turn.

This image became the norm for the rest of the day

Leaving Vero Amore, I turned right onto Speedway Blvd. and tried my hand at Sir Veza's, the place that boasts that they are the "day drinking headquarters". This place must have something cool going on for the game. Nope. And just like Vero Amore, it was almost empty.

With the game about to begin, I made my way into Trident Grill. Okay, this time the place was packed, but after asking if they had any game day specials, the girls all looked so rushed that I couldn't get a straight answer. Now I didn't take any pictures here because I felt odd, for some odd reason, of taking pictures of dudes staring at big TVs. Same went for Sir Veza's. Why shoot a near empty bar or just a packed bar with folks camping for the game?

So I moved on to what I thought would be my final location, which is the bar and restaurant stretch on University Avenue.

Before I decided to park the car, I made the move to just drive down the street first and see if there was any action. Well, from my vantage point, there was not, or at least not very much. The new kids on the block, Illegal Pete's had some turnout but not enough for me to pull over and start snapping photos. Frog and Firkin had all their TVs going, so did their neighbor No Anchovies, all blaring loud as the game was underway, but the seats were nearly empty. Perhaps I should have just gone to Red's Smokehouse ordered some bomb ribs and called it a day.

Thing is, at that point, I just wanted to go home. Driving around Tucson looking for food and drink awesomeness during the super bowl was my first big (insert fail music here) since restarting the Homeskillet, other than getting turned down by the Salvation Army to cover their big Xmas turkey dinner for the homeless. Oh yeah. Because of who knows why, they wouldn't let me promote and help with their big charity event. Whatever. Until they can support same sex marriage I could give a poo.

Now I know. The super bowl is more of a home gathering, with friends coming over with treats, the BBQ is smoking and filled with burning meat and veggies, ice cold beers in the fridge, you know...American stuff. For some reason I had this idea that Tucson would be out in droves, celebrating, screaming at the TV and cramming as much food and beer into their football loving faces in a public display of fan affection.

Nope.

Here's a tip though: If you don't care at all about the super bowl...the city is yours! For real. All those usual, crammed, hard to get in places? You can just step right in and have the space to yourself. Much like when I lived in San Francisco, during Burning Man the city was an empty shell of what it normally blusters. For one week all of the wait lists and deep cover charges are lifted. So on the next super bowl Sunday, have fun exploring the food and bar scene of your fair southwestern hamlet. Because it is extensive, exciting and growing day by day.

After grabbing some Indian food, I sat in the soft warmth of my own home, streaming the game on the computer, quietly rolling my eyes at each referees call while petting the cat and making a note to do the same next year.

But if I do decide to go out next year...c'mon Tucson. Give us some incentive to do so. Learn from the neighborhood bars and give us a reason to sit and occupy your services for three hours. It's not that hard. Is it?

I hope not.

Anyway....who won?

Camera and Typing
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Super Bowl Sunday (and Monday), 2016

Metal Influence:

MANOWAR

"Violence and Bloodshed"

Pionic Pizza: Either this fast casual concept will fail miserably or it'll make a bajillion dollars

When Pionic Pizza first opened up on 2643 N. Campbell Ave., for some reason a lot of my friends asked me if I was going to go. I guess it's the food writer thing, the 'new kid in the neighborhood' thing and, most importantly, the pizza thing. Of course I am always up to try something new, especially when it comes to pizza, but upon further investigation, Pionic really didn't seem like a place I would be into. 

The first thing that got me was the fact that, at first, I thought it was a chain. It just had that look and feel of a plastic mold of yet another plastic mold, probably starting in Phoenix, making its way to Los Angeles, then perhaps settling on some college stretch in New Mexico before finally making a settlement here in Tucson. It had a logo, it had a concept, it had a mission statement...all the trappings of a corporate bore that thinks if you put sauce on dough, add some cheese and a cured meat on top, toss it into the oven for a few minutes and what you have as a product is technically considered "pizza". 

The other factor in my hesitation, was the location it chose to wriggle its way into. The stretch of Campbell Ave in midtown Tucson, between Grant and Ft. Lowell,  is more affectionately referred to as "Pizza Row", and I felt it did not need another mediocre pizza joint because the options were already too wide. You have your great pizzas from Upper Crust and Old Chicago, the artisan from Sauce, the standard stand-bys for late night munchies from Hungry Howie's and Blackjack and there's even a Pizza Hut right in the middle to round things off. Another pizza stand just seemed like white noise. 

But after a while my curiosity just got the best of me and I relented. How bad can it be, I thought. The reviews on Yelp and Zomato were pretty good and, well, it is my job as the Tucson Homeskillet to try all food related things within sniffing distance. So one evening, we walked in, ordered a bunch of stuff and here are the official results...    

At least they got the name right

Here's the thing: Pionic Pizza knows that Subway and Chipotle are simple ideas turned into billion dollar businesses. You have a few options, a bunch of fresh ingredients, you let the customer pick out what they want, cook and prep time is minimal and, zing!, you are on your way with food that's not a Mc Creffin burger with plenty of time to pursue a life of religious fulfillment. Easy. And that's what Pionic is. 

You have a pizza option, a pasta option and a salad, you pick out what you want on it, it takes less than two minutes to prepare the cooked items, you pay the nice kid at the register, you take the food, you eat the food and you still have time to make your kid's dance recital and grandma's funeral. It's a good concept and if the minds and wallets behind Pionic make the right decisions, this too can be a successful vocation. 

But how is the food? That's the important thing here. If the grub is less than satisfactory then they're going to be treading on water until they can paddle their way out of mediocrity. If it's bad then you just have to write them off and call it a "nice try". But...but! if the food is great then, yes, they can clearly be on their way and I'd be proud to say that, yes, I knew them way back when, back when they were just a small store front on Campbell Avenue in lil old midtown Tucson. 

So we ordered up a good variety of stuff: a veggie pizza, a basic peperoni pizza, a pesto pasta and a loaded salad. You know, one of each. It's...our job.  

Looks promising

The veggie pizza consisted of red sauce, light cheese, mushrooms, red onion, tomatoes, artichoke hearts and finished with arugula. 

You know what, it was actually alright. Cooked in a blisteringly hot oven for 90 seconds, the crust was crispy with a decent chew, the sauce was...fine; not too sweet with a good balance of flavors and the toppings were surprisingly fresh. So far so good. We were pleasantly pleased. 

You'll find it in the frozen food section

If you call yourself a pizza place, you better have a decent pepperoni option, otherwise to quote Pantera, better walk on home boy! 

Pionic's pepperoni pizza was...fine (just like the sauce I rated earlier). It did its job. One step up from some Red Baron frozen crap, maybe a tad better than Papa Johns, but definitely not in the top 10 around town. Not even close. There just wasn't much to it. I'm sure the kids will like it and for those that don't know what actual "pizza" tastes like, this'll do I suppose. 


It was thin crust, which I prefer, but the sauce this time around was bland, the cheese seemed a bit greasier and the actual pepperoni were just lil rounds of "whatever". Mind you it was like six bucks and was made in less than two minutes so, it has that going for it. 

Otherwise (with a shrug), "eh". 

The salad was strangely on point

Pionic also does salads. Basically you just point and say "that one!" and a kid behind the sneeze guard will put a grip of the greens into a bowl and before you know it, you've got yourself a pile of veggies ready to jam into your craw. 

The salad I actually got into. With the poppyseed dressing lightly drizzled over the loaded plastic vessel this dish actually had some crisp and fresh flavor. We combined the field greens with some spinach and just, literally, got one each of the topping options and we were not disappointed. 

I mean, what more can you say? It was a salad. It was a good salad. It was around five bucks. Done. 

Its a trap!

Now here is where some damage sets in. 

We opted for the penne pasta tossed with pesto and topped with artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, garlic, tomatoes and basil. Seemed like a winning combo, yeah. It would have been if the pasta was cooked correctly and the pesto had any depth of flavor to it. 

 Now, doing al dente pasta is the way to go, any fan of the popular carb knows this. Thing is, the penne wasn't toothsome, it was just chewy. Not too sure how they got away with that but it wasn't soft and it wasn't crunchy; it was more like biting into little rubber tubes. This required lots of water (aka beer) to wash it down. And the pesto. Um, yeah..."pesto". I'm sure it was made with a kind of olive oil, possibly some salt and garlic, some "basil" maybe, Parmesan perhaps, but it was just feckled oily green stuff and did nothing to enhance the pasta or any of its components. In fact, gnawing down on the multitude of gummy penne greased with this mossy impostor just made us sad. That and the roll that came with it looked like Admiral Ackbar, which actually made us laugh.  

So, in the end, we had run the gamut of emotions all based off of sub par pasta and some pizza. Thanks Pionic. 

I'll take the cannoli!

A pleasant surprise came in the form of dessert cannoli that we did not order. Did they know it was the Tucson Homeskillet ordering up a bunch of crud and to butter our bread they just threw in some chocolate chip fused dainty wafer pastry filled with creamy deliciousness, or did the zitty kid filling our order just thought with all the food we did order why not some dessert as well? 

Didn't matter.

Don't know if they make this stuff on site or if it's imported from another source but (and this is coming from someone that usually skips dessert and just goes for thirds) I have to admit the cannoli was good. It was light and airy with a good vanilla punch that was accompanied by some real chocolate chips. I liked the cannoli. I did. After mediocre pizza, a good salad and that whatever that was penne pesto was, it was nice to round things off with a fun treat. So, cheers again Pionic. 

Maybe you should be a fast casual dessert place. Just sayin'...

Could be worse but...it could be better

The final judgement? 

You have options Pionic. You can either stay the way you are, sitting on Campbell Avenue surrounded by a plethora of pizza and pasta distilleries, selling your uninspired wares to folks that are taken with the fact that their hot food was made in less than a few minutes and that they get to choose their own toppings and be fine with that. Or you can step it up a notch or two, start your brand now, make your franchise reasonable for the first few that dare and become the next go to fast casual restaurant because there's not a lot of pizza and pasta places like that around town. Or anywhere really. 

We can see Pionic Pizza either being a nice idea that goes bust because after a few takes you get bored with the same tolerable choices on acceptable food items day after day or we can see it take off into the stratosphere with a few tweaks and enhancements here and there. We liked Pionic enough not to hate it but it's gonna take some time and effort to really see this concept through. 

With that we say good luck Pionic Pizza. The choice is yours. 

But we'll let Phil here get the last say in the matter... 

Camera and Typing
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Almost Halloween, 2015

Metal Influence

The Accused

"Splatter Rock"