Unfinished Blog #2 : TOP GOLF

Okay this one was a bit weird.

What was supposed to be a humorous take on a "stranger in a strange land" type of scenario (aka me in an upscale driving range golf concept, say no more) totally backfired. And it was all my fault.

The nice people at TopGolf sent me an invite to their media night for the new one that just opened in Marana and after I had a few free drinks in me I posted on social media calling the whole event a "wank".

What made it worse is that someone I know got a job there and she had a talking to by the higher ups asking what my comment was all about and, yeah... Not good.

So let me apologize to everyone at TopGolf for being a turd that night. If it helps I was also on the cusp of being sick so I was edgy going in. But still.

Thing is, I had a totally good time. Now, I am not much of a golfer...hold up, let me rephrase that: I AM NOT A GOLFER!, so getting the chance to hang out at a place I would probably not go to voluntarily was really cool. The place is huge. Three levels of bars, driving ranges, restaurants, etc - TopGolf is set up to be a destination for corporate events, parties and general sporty mirth. Oh and is equipped with like 500 humongous 3D plasma screens. Again, not my scene but it is for a lot of people who got the cash.

The food was really tasty. We got to sample rare prime rib, charcuterie boards, cheesy meatballs, amouse bouche bites and dessert balls that you get to inject cream into. All of it was good. But this was just media night fare. The regular menu includes chicken and waffle sliders, flatbread pizzas, brisket grilled cheese sandwiches, a kids menu and best of all...tater tots.

How can I insult a place that serves tater tots? Idiot!

Thing is after my gaffe I'm sure I wont be invited back so if I want to eat that food I'm going to have to go in incognito and, sigh, pay for it myself. Oh the humanity!

But I deserve it. What I should have done is just added an S to that word and the whole thing would have been 'swank'. Then things wouldn't have gotten sticky. Or at least as sticky.

Not to mention but we also got free water bottles as we exited. I insult a place after drinking and eating on their tab alongside getting a gift? C'mon man.

For all my smarts, sometimes I am just not that bright.

Anyway, that said here are the pics I took from the media event and I'm sure you'll get an idea of what you are in store for when you visit TopGolf.

Oh and I  removed all of the posts once I got word that the wank hit the fan. So...we/I got that going for us/me.

Cheers!

Spiffy

Can't go wrong with a meat and cheese board

Bacon with a side of sprouts

Bite sized nibbles

There's a lot of balls at this place

You get to inject cream into these balls

Very Metal

S'long Top Golf!

Eating, Drinking and Not Golfing
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Early December, 2017

Metal Influence:

HIGH ON FIRE

"Fertile Green"

"Wait...That Tiki Bar On Broadway Serves Food! Really? I Didn't Know That."

You probably haven't been here since college. But...you know this place.

Kon Tiki.

Yeah, that Polynesian themed island getaway bar that serves up some serious drinks in kitchy goblets and steins up on Broadway and Swan. You know, Kon Tiki. Remember? You 'member.

In college you most likely came here because the drinks were huge and strong and they had a happy hour that dished out some free grub. You were young, you were broke, you wanted to get faced so this was the place you probably ended up in.

Right?

Probably.

The free happy hour buffet...um, thanks but no thanks, although the meatballs were good

But now you're all grown up and you haven't been back since you graduated. You have a real adult job, you drink real adult drinks, you eat at real adult places with white linen set tables or tolerate locations that have jungle gyms and Whack-A-Moles for your kids to play with as you talk about adult things with your adult friends as you sip those adult drinks.

Why should you go back to Kon Tiki after all these years? That's, like...college era you. Right?

So why a feature on Kon Tiki, a bar most Tucson residents have been to at least once, be it voluntarily or talked into by ne'er-do-well roommates?

Uh...because of the food, dude. It's good.

Real good.

Real adults drinking, um...well they're drinking all right

Honestly, we kind of forgot about Kon Tiki too and the fact that they actually served food there. No, seriously.

A few years back, when the Homeskillet was just a once in a while / if we felt like posting 'blog lite', we did a feature on Kon Tiki as part of a short lived series where we buy a Groupon for random places, eat there and talk about it. We did like one or two, maybe three, Groupon article things then just moved on, or forgot about doing it all together. Anyway, even back then we were all "Oh yeah, the food here is great."

So you're probably reading this going, "C'mon, the food can't be that good. Kon Tiki?  It's a weird drunky bar and that buffet kind of sucks. Even if it is free."

Work with us here people.

Monkeys On A Stick, a classic and oh so tasty

True. The gratis fare isn't the subject here. That happy hour buffet is just free vittles for folks that need a bit of a buffer when it comes to quaffing much of their hell grog and it's cool that they do it in the first place. Its just chips, veggies, some dip...stuff like that. But they do put out some of their BBQ meatballs and those are pretty tight. Honestly its just some bits of bites, cheap as free, to keep you going and that's that.

No, you gotta order off the real food menu here kids. Trust us.

Okay, look...check this out.

Hawaiian fish tacos...just like the god Tangaroa used to make

If you can recall Homeskilleteers, a few weeks back we ended up eating the self-proclaimed "Best Burger and Burrito in Tucson"...and they sucked. So bad in fact that we needed booze immediately. Just a few blocks up was Kon Tiki, so we got ourselves a large vessel filled with all of the alcohol and some well needed tasty food.

"Oh wow," we all sort of said as we bit into our nibbles. "The food here is good. Maybe we should write about it."

Um...okay.

And here we go!

The Loko Moko, a delicious burger with an egg on it...so tropical!

So in true Tucson Homeskillet fashion we gathered up some of our closest and bravest friends and decided to order, oh, one of each from the menu.

Both the drink and food menu. C'mon, what else would you expect?

Anyway, here are the results:

JB looking concerned as Rizz slurps down another sacrificial mind drink

First, yeah, the drinks were really strong, as expected. Probably just as strong as when Kon Tiki first opened in the '60s and when you used to come here with a fake I.D. once finals were over with.

We got something called the Pele, named after the pissed off goddess of volcanoes and, boy howdy, did that thing live up to its name. Fiery, powerful and sort of lava like as it went down the gullet. Another called the 'Greenpeace' which felt like washing down a fine lawn mulch but with a distinct fruity alcohol kick to the cajones. Then there was the Fog Cutter, something called Lights Out, the Creepy Tiki, Maiden's Downfall and so forth, all of which did not list ingredients (which is probably for the best) but instead came equipped with brief descriptions of just how you might feel after you finish one:

"If strength you need, drink and it shall be granted!"

"Virgins beware!"

"The original drink was intended for a sacred ceremony until some white man found the recipe!"

Stuff like that. You get the picture.

Moa Nui chicken in coconut sauce...amazing

The crew was getting a bit tipsy but then the plethora of food arrived.

The ton of appetizers was daunting, but oh so delicious. The egg rolls were deep fried yet filled with a garden of vegetables and served with a mighty teriyaki and a sweet and sour sauce so there was a fun balance between decadent and sort of, kind of, "healthy". The BBQ ribs were hearty and sticky and fall off the bone tender. We got our pot stickers steamed which counter balanced the amount of weighty fare that was spread before us. Really good, stuffed full of savory pork with a good chew to the dumpling casing.

Then, of course, there was the classic: The Monkeys on a Stick. Tender, marinated bites of perfectly cooked medium rare steak served mini kebab style. This is essentially what saved us after eating crap food just a few blocks away. Accompanied with a stout viscid dipping sauce this dish is what you need on a daily basis.

So good.

Angry volcano deity sized pile o' rings

As people were queuing up for the free fare at the buffet, we were getting looks from all sorts; bug eyed at the amount of food we had on the table.

"Wait, they serve food here?", I overheard a portly guy ask his doppelganger wife as they glooped ranch dressing on mini carrots and ruffly potato chips atop their drooping paper plates.

Well, we hate to say it buffet jockeys, but you are officially eating food here, so, yes, they do serve "food". But if you mean like burgers, steaks, ribs, shrimp and lobster tails? Yes. Yes, Kon Tiki serves food.

And not just any kind of food, really tasty food with a distinct tropical influence.

So what are you waiting for? Do what we did and dive in!

Possibly some of the best egg rolls in town

The Loko Moko is a half pound burger of good ground beef, seasoned and cooked to order with a nice runny egg on top; it was really hefty, juicy and delicious.

There was also an order of fantastic fish tacos that were tangy and flaky with a crisp slaw and finished with a spicy aioli drizzled over. The house club sandwich could feed about three people but one of us took it down in no time flat. Piled high and served with piping hot fries, this one made us want to join whatever club they had going on, one where we would look like that Israel Kamakawiwo'ole guy in no time flat if we kept eating the way we were.

In fact, all of the plates were generous and all of it really yummy.

No really.

Jana happy/nervous about the size of her chef salad

More drinks, more food, more weird looks from bar patrons.

There was ten of us, but the feast on our tables mashed together looked as if we were on some sort of medieval gorge feast, one that would encourage many trips to the vomitorium so we can continue with the eat-a-thon.

"What did you order?"

"Oh, this is the Moa Nui."

"What's that?"

"It's, uh, a big chicken breast served with this amazing coconut sauce with a side of perfectly cooked rice and a ton of seasoned grilled vegetables."

"Good?"

*not responding because of shoveling more food in face*

The Tucson Homeskillet eating all of the foods

Alright, here is where we have to give some kind of critique.

Our server was amazing, but she was the only one on the floor so sometimes our orders took a bit longer than expected. Big whoop, it happens.

But here's the clincher:

Kon Tiki does not have a modern computer POS ticket service, something that like 90% of busy establishments utilize because, oh, we don't know, it's the 21st century and efficiency is as easy as pushing a few buttons. Sure it might cost a few extra (thousand) dollars but in the end it is so worth it. Our poor but awesome server had to divvy up the five separate checks BY HAND, doing the math, tax and all that using her brain and a small calculator, all the while juggling other demanding tables. So, yeah, we had to wait a while for the bills to arrive seeing as the place was jumping but not totally full and chaotic...enough to keep her very busy let's just say. It wasn't a big problem with us because we ordered more drinks straight from the bar and we were happy to do so, but if this was a table of people that didn't know how hard it is to be a server in a busy restaurant or empathize with a young person, probably in their like first or second job, ever, doing all they can to make things right, it could have gotten ugly.

So, Kon Tiki, this is the Tucson Homeskillet advising you to get a POS system for your servers. It'll make it easier on them, on you in the long run and you'll thank us and your patrons will thank you because of this.

You're welcome.

Metal Mark just had to get in on Jack and Chili's third Scorpion Bowl

Other than that, yes...Kon Tiki serves food. Not just bobbles of celery and broken pretzel fingers on the buffet table, but real authentic and fantastic food.

When you were going to the U of A you probably ate nothing but ramen or crap corporate pizza when you scored a coupon from the bookstore and, at the time, couldn't afford the "adult" prices from the Kon Tiki menu. Not that we're saying Kon Tiki is pricey, oh no, not even close, but when you are 19 with nothing but loose change in your pocket and school debt piling up, a $12 steak might as well be a Bugatti sports car. Thing is, you can't eat a Bugatti sports car. So...where's the fun in that?

Yeah. We don't know either.

Now you know, you gotta go

Now that you are all grow'd up and adulting like a mofo, you should go back to ye olde stomping grounds of Kon Tiki, get yourself a proper drink and order up some really grand food. It's fun, it's local, it's kind of a Tucson tradition and most importantly it's really scrumptious.

Unless you're still in college and are broke as all living heck so you just might have to wait a while. If you ask us we suggest dropping out of school, selling all of your text books and then just blowing it all on a drink and food fest at Kon Tiki. If you do decide to do this, just call us up and we'll show you how its done.

Just kidding. Stay in school kids.

Forget that. Have you had the Mahi-Mahi here? Oh my gosh, so good.

Whatever. You're an adult, you make the decision. But if we were you, we'd just eat Monkey Sticks all day and drink Zombies till we start walking like one. That, of course, is up to you.

Uh huh. Just what we thought.

See you here...

Thanks Kon Tiki!

Camera, Typing and Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
At the Summer Solstice, 2016

Metal Influence: 

GRUESOME

"Savage Land"

Trident II : Eclectic Food n Booze!

We were first hipped to the Trident Grill not long after moving here to Tucson in 2006. It was at the very edge of football season, perhaps even in pre-season, and my Redskins fan friend had only one destination in mind for the game. Yep, you guessed it, the Trident Grill.

"You're going to love this place," he said rather enthusiastically as we exited the car and approached the front door. "Food is off the chain. And if your a 'Skins fan like I am this is the best place to catch a game."

We walked in and, boy, he wasn't kidding. Redskins jerseys and hats were adorned by at least 80% of the customers in the tightly packed open space. It was so busy that we almost bounced but a friendly server assured us there was space so we stuck with the original plan and stayed. Somehow we found a bit of standing room only close to the bar, ordered a couple of pints and then moved our attention to one of the various big screens showing the game. Not too sure who the Redskins were playing (the Vikings maybe?, dude, this was like almost ten years ago!) but the dedicated crowd were in a fervor with almost every play and pass.

Now, at the time, I wasn't much of a football fan, so after the first quarter I became not that interested in the game and decided that I was a bit hungry. I asked a server for a menu and when it arrived it was pretty impressive if not intimidating. 

A road sign for sore eyes

Back then the menu was really big, like food option big. Mainly focused on seafood items, the list of dishes ranged from small bites, bar food to beefy sandwiches and, of course, really massive offerings from the sea, but, like, a lot. This was the kind of menu you'd see in a space twice if not more so larger. When I glanced up towards the kitchen area I saw that it was a cramped space in the back of the restaurant with three to four guys moving, like running to get orders out on time. With a menu this packed in a space this tight I was hesitant to order anything at all. Looking closer, the dupes up on the line were at least twenty in so I made a mental note to come back later when it wasn't game time and order some food.

So I drank more beer and watched the game with my friend.

Then the Redskins lost. My friend was sad as were most of the patrons. Some got mad.

It happens.

Always a smiling face at the Trident II bar

When I finally got a chance to go back to the Trident to actually eat their food, I was a bit shocked to find out their menu had changed. It was scaled down, it was on a one sheet laminate and the prices matched the options much easier than the first time I was there. It became pretty clear that after a few Redskins games with a rather "ambitious" menu for such a mid sized area they had to meet the reality that a cramped line with a few guys on top of each other can't really bash out a Cheesecake Factory sized menu.

Okay, maybe it wasn't that big but...it was pretty imposing.

We got some crab cakes and calamari. Delicious. Very tasty, fresh and cooked to perfection. Then I think I got the Wildcat Burger, which came equipped with bacon, cheddar cheese, onion rings and the house hot bar-be-que sauce. Amazing. She-Ra got the clam chowder which was some of the best she or I have had in quite some time. It was actually nice to say the food was well worth the wait.

Oh and don't forget about the beers. Those are good too.

Trident II bartenders workin' it

It was settled then. We became regulars. Great happy hour specials, good food, awesome service, interesting beers on tap...who wouldn't be?

Then sometime in late 2015 word got out in the Tucson culinary underbelly, that owner Nelson Miller and his staff were considering opening up a new Trident Grill, possibly in the Plaza Palomino where the old Jackson Tavern used to be. Pretty soon those rumors became true as construction began right across the way from Vero Amore. In fact, if you read my haphazard escapade during the Super Bowl, that was the first time I laid eyes on the facade, which was to be called, cleverly enough: Trident II.

Trident II...I like that. I mean, some of my favorite movies are sequels, so why not just put a "Part 2" next to the original money making name? "The Empire Strikes Back"? Better than the original. "Hellboy 2"? Far superior to the first. And let's not forget, the only reason they made "Grease" is that they could make "Grease 2". No, really, I swear.

And then, after all the rumors slowly became reality and then seeing it come to life, Trident II finally opened in early 2016. Immediately I knew I had to write about it for the Homeskillet. It just seemed like too much awesome to pass up.

Nothing like good company on a beautiful day on their open patio

So on a lovely early spring afternoon I made my way to the now open Trident II only to find it just as bumpin' and packed as the original down by the U of A. Luckily I had a chance to hang out with manager Danny Gallego, who was very busy juggling issues between the bar and kitchen, and even in the really early stages of the new restaurant being open, he explained to me the reasons for expansion and the challenges that come with it.

"Well if you ever tried to dine at the original Trident Grill on any U of A game, be it home or away, you find it hard to get a seat," Danny explains with a shrug and smile. "As staff we do what we can to accommodate everyone but that is a mid-sized restaurant at best and can only hold so much. So we felt as a team that this location on Swan would be well received by all the surrounding neighborhoods and the traffic here, which there is plenty of, could create the volume of customers that is needed."

I'm always a sucker for a perfectly poured IPA

Sure the original Trident is a success and by the head count in it's sister/brother store, they are well on their way to even more progress. Yet in the early trials of a new venture there are always obstacles and hurdles that out even seasoned restaurant workers to the test.

"Everything is a challenge," notes Danny trying to maintain the crowd during a busy happy hour, "some are lessons learned and some not so much. Every restaurant owner has a plan in their head how everything will fall into place once the dust settles and the construction is done. Things out of your control pop up out of nowhere! Such as kitchen equipment working fine then suddenly shutting down right before service. Luckily you have the tools and knowledge to troubleshoot the problem if your tech guy is off skiing in Colorado when the POS (point of sale, the tickets you see streaming out of little black machines at the bar or on the line) system just decides to stop operating."

Trident II culinary team doing work

Okay, so we get that running a busy restaurant is tough work, but now for the fun stuff: The food!

Me personally am a fan of most of the items on the menu. No really, I haven't had a bad meal once, be it just a snack or a full on rager of an eat-fest. Now, I have my favorites but I just had to ask what Danny's favorite menu item was.

"Oh man," he says clapping his hands and leaning his head back as if dreaming. "Hands down the Maryland crab cakes. Unbelievable. One of our kitchen guys, Jason, is so creative. He comes up with the most outrageous food. We are so lucky to have a really talented kitchen staff like we do. Those guys earn their stripes!"

Delicious food waiting to be delivered to lucky patrons

"I wouldn't say what we are doing here 'separates' us from the original that owner Nelson (Miller) started almost fifteen years ago, but more of a 'continuation'", states Danny when I asked about the concept of Trident II and whats contrastive from the original. "Right now I'd have to say the location would have to be the obvious answer.

"We as a company consider all of our patrons family and that, right there, is what really separates us from most other restaurants. I mean, look at this," extending his hands to the throng of people seated or waiting to be. "This...this is a lot of family!"

Happy Hour in full effect

Seeing the amount of flurry on the floor and in the kitchen, servers constantly coming up and asking questions and an unexpected 12 top just showing up with no notice, I knew Danny had to get back to work so I just had to know one thing:

What is he looking forward to in the near future.

It didn't take him long to answer as he beamed saying, "Oh man, I am really looking forward to the warmer months coming up. Our patio is completely shaded after 10am and with these big ol' fans we got installed and going on here, it just might create the perfect environment to sit back, enjoy the day with a tall icy beer without getting scorched by the sun.

"We just want to create the same experience as the original and just feed off of our successes. It's funny, you'd be surprised at how many people here at the new location have never even heard about the original down on Speedway. But, hey...big shout to all Team Trident. Because of the success of the original that's why we've had the fortune to open Trident II!"

With that, Danny was whisked away by his team in need as the happy hour was winding down and the dinner rush was about to commence. Success indeed...

Just start from the left and keep moving

Feeling like Frogger in the middle of a busy highway trying to take pictures, I assessed that I had gotten what I needed, finished my beer and took off. Just like the first time at the original Trident, just as busy and lively as that initial visit, I told myself that I would be back to, yes, eat the food. Have you had their charcuterie boards, dubbed "Nelson's Love Plate"? Oh yeah, I'm gonna need some of that soon.

For now I felt the love of everyone at Trident II and know that even further prosperity is headed their way.

Just don't go back to those huge silly menus. You're doing fine now. Just...fine.

Thanks Team Trident II. Like I said before, sometimes sequels are better than the original. Not that...the first...you know...it's just that...um...

You know what I'm trying to say, right? Okay.

Cool.

The staff was having just as much fun as we were

Camera and Typing
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Early/Mid March, 2016

Metal Influence:

MASTODON

"Leviathan"