Here Come The Judge!

I gotta tell ya: It all started with this funky lil blog.

When I decided to go rogue and start the Tucson Homeskillet my goal was to have at least one post a week, minimum. This wasn't that big of an effort seeing as Tucson has so many fun places to go to and feature. Days off I would hunt down hidden gems and questionable eateries then take a bunch of pictures and upload it. Sometimes I'd get a fairly decent amount of hits, while other times I would barely get some in the low double digits. But I always got a nice comment from my mom.

Thanks mom.

Without a budget and being just an off the cuff endeavor, the Tucson Homeskillet has been my culinary diary friend for almost three years now.

Let's just say it's how I got my start in the food writing game.

And because of this blog it landed me the honor of being the Chow writer for the Tucson Weekly. Which is amazing. But because of that, and having a wife, cat and full time job, the Homeskillet has kind of taken a backseat. Which sort of sucks.

Thing is, being the food writer for the Weekly has opened up a whole new culinary world for me. Instead of never getting responses from restaurants and chefs, now that's all I do. I am literally so swamped with assignments that my days off are not days off anymore. I don't like that the Homeskillet has suffered as it has since I have been with the Weekly but the exposure and experience I am now getting is irreplaceable.

Plus I get to do cool things like judge culinary challenges.

My first one was back in July and here is what happened...

Big turnout for the free event

Like I said, this blog has taken an unfortunate backseat to my obligations to the Weekly, so that's why its taken so long to get this blog post up and running. On the other hand, I am so loving being the food writer for the Weekly that I hope this ride never ends. Unless I get picked up by Food & Wine or get my own Eat TV show. That'd be awesome.

But when the opportunity arose to be one of the judges at the Main Gate Square Culinary Challenge all I could do was prepare my already bulbous belly and say a resounding "Yes!"

It was to be a free event, open to the public, and featuring all of the restaurants in the Main Gate Square / University Avenue area, like close to 20 or so, with samples for everyone that steps foot in the main hall at the University Hotel.

But out of all of the vendors slated to be there only seven stepped up to the challenge of winning the title of  'Best Of' that night. That's where I came in. Along with Adam Lehrman from Tucson Foodie and Matt Russell of On The Menu Live!, we were the three to seal the fate of who would take home the culinary crown that evening.

I totally forgot who this was from, but...it was good

The main hall was packed. What did you expect for a free event that is dishing out free food and drinks? I found Matt Russell and he escorted me through the throng of folk downing tiny plates of mac n cheese, cookies, pizza and mini cups of coffee to a long table up front. Luckily that day, taking cues from competitive eaters, I ate like a bird all day. Just micro snacks here and there to get my belly ready and teased for the amount of food that I was about to take in.

I sat next to Adam Lehrman, who has done culinary judging many many more times than I have. I told him that this was my first so he leaned in and had these wise words to say:

"Just be sure to pace yourself."

Thing is I was starving so when the first dish was placed in front of me I dove in.

We had these score cards with each plate and we had to rate each dish according to taste, presentation and originality. It was such a blur of introductions, people, rules and so forth that I totally forgot who was up to bat first. Maybe Red's Smokehouse? Gentle Ben's? It was tasty; a kind of deconstructed shrimp gumbo of sorts and I gave them an 11 (out of a possible 15) and I downed about half. That would prove to be a big mistake. In hindsight I should have had maybe a bite or two then moved on. I was so hungry and excited that I got carried away.

Plus the free cocktail I had before the judging didn't help either.

I mean...it helped, but when I have booze in my system all bets are off.

I am an eating machine.

Steak and potatoes from Fuku Sushi

Next was a surprising entry from Fuku Sushi: A steak and potatoes dish.

The potatoes were hearty and buttery which were topped with thick cut asparagus that were grilled to a near perfection. Thing is, the steak was, for me anyway, cooked a bit too much. It was grey in the middle, not pink, but I blame that on the rest time it took to get it from the grill to my plate. I told the chef about it but did not lay blame on him. The young kid looked a little deflated but, hey man....this is the slam bang, laugh in the face of death realm of cutthroat culinary competition on a random Saturday in Tucson.

You'll do fine kid. No worries.

I think this got a 10 or 9 from me. Not sure.

Some poke inspiration from Jimmy's Pita and Poke

So poke is great and all but at this stage of my food writing I need a break from it. That and sushi-ritos. So when a poke dish arrived from Jimmy's Pita and Poke I kind of rolled my eyes.

Mind you, it was pretty tasty, if not a bit warm for my taste in poke, but the flavor was there.

Luckily I made my judging quick here and within a few bites I was able to move on.

Octopus from Pasco and a warm sippin' seafood jus

Pasco Kitchen & Lounge offered up a bit of grilled octopus over a large croquette and covered in fresh greens.

The croquette was nice, as were the greens, but the octopus was really tough; kind of like biting down on an old eraser. There was flavor, and the help of a tangy seafood au jus helped wash it down but, yeah...I wasn't a big fan of this dish. You need to soak and render the tentacles down like over night, if not longer, to make it nice and tender. This seemed like a last minute decision.

Sorry Pasco. I still love you though.

Delicious squid ink tagliatelle pasta from The Dutch

Now here is where things got interesting.

Chef Marcus from The Dutch made a lovely vegetable medley in a lemongrass broth paired with this incredible handmade squid ink tagliatelle pasta. Oh my gosh...this was easily my favorite dish.

Pretty sure I gave this one an almost perfect score. Thing is, everything was so good that I kept eating. And eating. Having almost nearly killed everything in the bowl I knew that I was in trouble.

I was now officially full.

But the event was far from over.

People kept packing into the already at capacity hall and another dish arrived that was so big all I could do was laugh.

A monster meat plate via Sinbad's

Sinbad's had this sword-like meat and potato skewer dangling over two lamb shanks, samosas, rice, hummus and a mint chutney. This thing was so gargantuan that the three of us let out a painful groan.

We ate some. It was good, but my stomach couldn't handle anymore incoming food. I was starting to hallucinate a bit. People were clamoring around the table asking me what I thought. I was growing hazy. The food began to not have much flavor anymore. It was sort of a curse at this point.

Kids started to crowd the table and all I could do was let them all have bites. They were thrilled. I was thrilled. As vendors began to shut down folks moved towards the judges table where there was still plenty of food on display. Not too sure what Adam and Matt did but I let them eat cake.

Was there cake?

Probably.

The evenings winner and the worst photo ever uploaded on the Homeskillet

At the end of the night, a scrummy sausage slider courtesy of Mutts Hot Dogs won. To my surprise The Dutch didn't even place. I guess Matt and Adam really liked the slider and house cut chips, and I liked it too, but I was a little shocked to see that it took the prize.

The photo is really blurry because at the point when it was taken, towards the middle of the tasting and judging, things were moving really fast. All photos were taken with my phone (I was not going to risk my real camera to get squashed or stolen in this kind of fray) so I apologize for the lackluster images.

When the judging was mercifully over, I went on stage to congratulate Mutts and to thank everyone for attending. It was nice to stand up and move. My already prominent belly was distended and poked out from under my Ben Davis pullover.

I went home that night, took a mighty dump, had a digestive drink and apologized to my wife for all of the weird noises my body was making. I slept soundly, if not a bit uncomfortably, with Adam's suggestion "Pace yourself" echoing through my dreamspace, slightly mocking.

The next day I did not eat till noon and when I did it was a piece of fruit.

Thing is, it was totally worth it and I look forward to being a judge again for a cookoff in the near future.

Thank you Main Gate Square for letting me be a part of the recent culinary challenge. Now that I popped my so-called food judge cherry, I now know how to approach the next one.

By pacing myself.

Cheers!

Adam and Matt post judging. Me? I was too full to move...

Camera, Typing and Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Monsoon Season, 2017

Metal Influence:

SEPULTURA

"Arise"

When Marcus And Anthony Came To Dinner

How can you not love Thanksgiving?

Its the one true day a year that you can get away with eating almost anything, all day long, and the best part is you have leftovers for like a month. Do you get sick of eating turkey after a week? Yeah, us either. That stuff goes with almost anything. Its a great lean protein that can be utilized in soups, stocks, casseroles, sandwiches and a ton of other options. You can use the stuffing/dressing a million different ways too. And green beans. And cranberry sauce. And...

You know what, we're just going to stop here because two new cookbooks have arrived just in time for the big day of feasting and giving thanks for doing so. We here at the Homeskillet are big fans of both cookbooks along with the chefs/authors as well.

The always engaging Marcus Samuelsson has finally given us a full rendition of what goes on in his Harlem restaurant Red Rooster and Anthony Bourdain breaks down his favorite recipes from all of his travels and time honored traditions in his first actual cookbook.

Plus Xmas is arriving quicker than you think so both of these food tomes would make an awesome gift for that fussy "foodie" home cook buddy of yours. Both of these books are unpretentious, a bit artsy but most importantly jammed with all sorts of fun ideas and innovative recipes.

Let's get started shall we?

"Red Rooster : The Cookbook"

By Marcus Samuelsson

We have been a huge fan of Marcus' for a long time now. It wasn't only his incredible rise to culinary power, but after reading his memoir, Yes, Chef, we kind of fell in love with him.

Lots of longtime Harlem residents have both praised and chastised Samuelsson for bringing his concept to a neighborhood that, at one time, was thought to be quite, um..."dubious". Now it seems because of Red Rooster and its upscale jazzy approach to soul food, it and he have invited other like minded chefs and business owners to join them. Some residents love that their neighborhood has gotten a well deserved face lift while others find it has become gentrified and with the new digs a new rent hike has come into place.

Whatever the case may be, Marcus Samuelsson can cook and by the character of his other works, the man can really write too.

Red Rooster is a departure from his other cookbooks, Marcus Off Duty or The Soul of a New Cuisine, which are more straight ahead cookbooks, where Red Rooster features more of the community that help build, inspire and support his iconic restaurant. The pictures are stunning, creating an air of musicality and swingtime style which go great along with the eclectic and savory recipes.

The book goes from some suggestions of the ingredients you will need to make a successful dish, advice on how to stock your pantry, tools you will want in the kitchen and a whole laundry list of tips, techniques and even music playlists to get you moving and cooking.

Red Rooster is very new Harlem and very Samuelsson which makes this one of our new favorite cookbooks of 2016.

As far as Thanksgiving is concerned you can find a slew, a slew!, of inspiration to make a memorable meal this year. And next year too if you like. Whatever man. It's your cookbook...do with it what you will.

We really like his "Bird Broth" recipe that infused white miso and jalapeno on a down home take on traditional ramen. There are also a ton of chicken recipes, such as hot wings and chicken and waffles, along with lamb and all sorts of fun ideas for a delicious yet uncommon family dinner.

His herb roasted turkey with cranberry gravy is delectable and smart. Using parts garam masala, lavender, ruby port and even prune juice, this one will surely turn heads as grandma pipes up "But this isn't the turkey I used to make!" followed by everyone rolling their eyes and sighing in relief.

And after the holiday has come to pass and you still have half a bird leftover, his recipe for a Thanksgiving banh mi is really fun. This time we use the livers and he walks you through a simple process of dusting the offal, deglazing your skillet and assembling the sandwich. It's pretty simple and a great way to use some parts you normally might throw away. Now we are not a huge fan of livers but this take changed our minds.

Or if you wanna cook short ribs for Thanksgiving he provides the recipe for the ones he made for the Obamas for their first inauguration. Using plum sauce, some horseradish and a few herbs, this one just feels, and tastes, like eight years of awesome. We plan on making these when whats his name takes office in January. We plan on fighting the power with the strength of good food.

At least they can't take that away from us.

Included in Red Rooster are playful cocktail recipes, delicious side dish options, appetizers and desserts. Sure, you'd expect all that from a normal cookbook, but what makes this one so special is the man behind your mouth watering.

Marcus Samuelsson was born in Africa, raised in Sweden, trained abroad and now calls New York his home. The influences from his life come alive on these pages and it makes you want to don a sharp suit, pick up a saxophone and blow soulfully into the night knowing that at the end of the jam session some blackened catfish, peanut bacon pork chops, curried goat stew and a strong house cocktail made with homemade ginger beer and black rum waits for you.

This book is vibrant, it is essential and best of all it has stories to tell.

You have to think; Marcus is a writer at heart. His memoir was so well done that it took our basic fandom to a new level of respect after reading it. Heartbreaking and captivating, Yes, Chef should be in the library of any food fan or cook.

There are so many narratives in Red Rooster that you almost feel as if you own a novel with a bunch of pictures in it rather than an elegant street smart book filled with innovative, sumptuous while at the same time hands on recipes to bring your family, and community, together.

This Thanksgiving do everyone you are cooking for a favor by picking up a copy of Red Rooster and see how many smiles you can muster up by giving them something new to both eat and think about.

Or give it as a Xmas gift. Either way.

Red Rooster rules.

"Appetites : A Cookbook"

By Anthony Bourdain

Now you all know Anthony Bourdain right? Yeah, of course you do. He's like super famous now. You've seen him on the TV on such shows as No Reservations, The Layover, Parts Unknown and various appearances on chef competitions and the like. He has traveled all over the world, probably several times over by now, and has a taste for real and sometimes debatable street food.

He likes to drink, he swears, he was a heroin addict, he's brash, he's funny and best of all the man can really frikkin' write. In some cases, and even according to him, Anthony Bourdain is a better writer than he was a chef and Bourdain was quite an accomplished chef so that's saying a lot.

So it's really cool that he actually wrote a cookbook and, yes, just like the guy that wrote it, it is intriguing, amusing, sometimes scary but best of all totally entertaining.

Basically if Anthony Bourdain is going to compose a cookbook, you know you can trust it.

This is a man that puts up with very little bullpucky and it comes across on his shows, in his writing and most importantly his food. Appetites is just another reflection of what he has bestowed upon the globe as far as his take on food and eating is concerned. Its full of candid, slightly insolent photographs, some teetering on the grim and near pornographic. The colors are as raw as the subject matters; chicken pieces, whole boars heads, steamy piles of red noodles served in helmets, bloody jujitsu gear, stuff like that.

Composed alongside these shots are recipes both fairly commonplace and extrinsic. You have wedge salads, Caesar salads even, deviled eggs, lasagne, sandwiches and so forth. But these are dishes that Bourdain deems worthy of writing about and putting his name on so you know the techniques and ingredients are not going to disappoint.

And they dont.

Of course, just like Marcus Samuelsson, Appetites is filled with all kinds of well crafted stories and anecdotes, most filled with profanity and blunt observations. But you expect this from the man. This is why we love him.

But we are not here just to blow smoke up Bourdain's bum, we want to talk turkey here. Thanksgiving turkey most importantly.

This is why Appetites works on so many levels and can be added to this here blog post.

Bourdain has a whole section in his book totally dedicated to doing a Thanksgiving that will be not only tasty but relatively stress free.

Here's how he does it:

Bourdain breaks down what you need to do for a successful Thanksgiving in three days, all of which should start about a week before the actual event.

Day 1 is buying all of the stuff you will need: vegetables, herbs, butter, oil, bread, seasonings, etc etc. And this is where things get awesome: He suggests buying two birds instead of just the one. Yes. He has one called the "stunt turkey", this is the smaller version that is on display for the family and can be used for sandwiches and stock later. Then there is the "business turkey" which is the actual turkey you will be serving. It's a bigger version of its stunt double and will already be sliced and dealt with when family arrives.

Clever huh?

Day 2 is making stock into gravy, assembling and baking the stuffing, making his cranberry relish (whole orange, some cranberries and sugar...that's it) and putting it in the fridge and, of course, knocking out all of your side dish prep. This way when the third Thursday in November rolls around all you gotta do is keep everything warm, keep everyone happy and get into the Thanksgiving nog.

Is there a Thanksgiving nog? We sure hope not.

Day 3 is roasting the stunt turkey, finishing the side dishes, roasting and dismantling the business turkey, fixing the stuffing to your liking, making the stunt turkey look all pretty and displaying the business turkey in a delightful manner.

The side dish recipes are awesome: Robuchon (use a ricer) style mashed potatoes, creamed pearl onions, candied sweet potatoes and bacon-y Brussels sprouts.

If you follow the simple rules that Bourdain lays out then your Thanksgiving should be fairly tension free. Unless uncle Jeb gets into the horse liquor again and starts chanting old Polynesian naughty limericks to the kids then you might have a problem there.

Appetites as well as Red Rooster are simply fantastic cookbooks by simply fantastic chefs that can really write as well.

We love both the chef's take on Thanksgiving, or at least components that could be construed as Thanksgiving, and it is up to you to find inspiration from both Samuelsson and Bourdain to make a memorable holiday feast.

But as both authors say, its good to have have a razor sharp and heavy chef knife, always have a "mise en place" (everything in place) in your kitchen ready to go (salt, pepper, oils, spices, onions, garlic, etc) and always have some kind of music playing. This is important to keep the rhythm of the cooking and maneuvering around the kitchen like a schizophrenic ballet more enjoyable.

But is it safe to cook while listening to Thrash Metal?

We are about to find out.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Camera, Typing & Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
The Week Before Thanksgiving, 2016

Metal Influence:

BLOOD FEAST

"Chopping Block Blues"

Can You Eat 28 Hot Dogs In 10 Minutes? A Local Teacher That Weighs Far Less Than You Can!

Yeah, alright, fine.

Other websites, blogs and such got a chance to hang with Michelle "Cardboard Shell" Lesco first, and long, before we ever did but...hey, the Tucson Homeskillet is still up and coming and barely a year old so we a bit slow on the take sometimes. Plus we've been busy with a full time job and other life bits. And so has she. We've been busy I tell you! So let's just get to it and have some fun shall we?

We shall.

Michelle Lesco, among other things, is a competitive eater, meaning she eats a lot of food in a short amount of time for glory, fame and, occasionally, some prize money. It's not the most glamorous sport, competitive eating, but it's the only one we really follow and are a fan of so getting a chance to meet and chat with her was a big deal on our end.

Originally from California, Michelle has been calling Tucson her home for many years and is the city where she began her rise to notoriety and power in the competitive eating circuit. Just a little over 100 lbs and barely in her 30's, Michelle is now ranked 7th in the world of competitive eating and came in 4th in her division at the renown Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition. How awesome is that?

So you can see why we were stoked to hang out and get to know this lady.

Tucson's own Major League Eater, Michelle "Cardboard Shell" Lesco

Michelle, having just gotten back from Las Vegas to compete in the Hooter's Hot Wing Eating Competition, sat down with us at one of her (and our!) favorite spots, Boca Tacos Y Tequila, to enjoy chef Maria's amazing creations while we discuss how she devours all that food in so little time, why she does it in the first place and what the meaning is behind her silly nickname, "Cardboard Shell".

It was a very warm (no, it was a crazy hot and muggy) afternoon when we met up and we were so ready to dive into some cold beers, delicious food and make a new friend while doing it.

Here's the snag though: This interview was like way longer than you are about to read because the lame voice recorder app on our phone cut out here and there making it splinter in conversation. Plus we didn't take a ton of photos because we were having too much fun just chatting and eating Boca Balls, Macho Tacos and the Wednesday "Exotic" feature which was lambs tongue served on, well...most things. 

So that said, here's (most of) the topics we discussed while eating and drinking and you will soon see why Michelle is now one of the best things about being a food fan, and food blogger, here in Tucson.

Check it out...

Yes, there is a federation for competitive eating...why wouldn't there be?

Metal Mark: So when did you realize that you could eat like this and go pro?

Cardboard Shell: I'd say it was around 2009 or so. It was back when "Man VS. Food" was really popular and the host came to Tucson to eat the Lindy's OMFG burger and two of my guy friends that were in a band and living in Phoenix kept saying 'We have to eat this burger!' when they came to town. Well when they did and we finally got to Lindy's they totally chickened out. I was like, 'What? That's the whole reason we're here! To eat this burger!' Eventually one of them looked at me and was all 'Why don't you eat it then?' And I said 'Fine I will.' So we ordered the burger and the second it gets dropped on the table I immediately start eating it. I thought that the 30 minutes or so you have to eat it began when its placed in front of you. My friends kept saying 'You should let it cool down first!' It was too late at that point. What sucks is that when the burger is that hot it continues to steam when its in your stomach. So what was really difficult was not only all that meat and all the stuff on it...it was the gas that was being created by the steam. But I finished it, of course I finished it, but it took me forever. After that my friends called me when there was any kind of food or eating challenge.

Eventually this lead to the Something Sweet food challenge, when that existed.

MM: Oh yeah, I miss that place. What was the challenge again?

CS: Four pieces of cheesecake, four big ol' brownies, four scoops of ice cream with chocolate and whipped cream and cherries on top. So I was driving home and my friend calls me saying they were at Something Sweet and they wanted me to do this challenge that, apparently, no one had finished. And I said 'So are you telling me you want me to go there and do it now?' I was going to go home and eat a salad, that was my plan that night.

MM: Man, the brain freeze must of sucked. From the dessert challenge I mean, not the salad.

CS: No. It wasn't that bad. You had, I think, 30 minutes to do it and I did it in like 15. After that I just started to do more and more eating challenges.

If you get interviewed by the Tucson Homeskillet, beers are usually involved

MM: So how do you train or prepare for a big eating competition?

CS: I don't really. When I was a kid I always tried to eat more and eat faster than my brothers. It was just a kind of competition between us. Like when we'd get fast food we always tried to see who could eat the burger in the fewest amount of bites...

MM: Kind of like John Belushi in Animal House?

CS: Exactly. I remember this slumber party we had which soon developed, or devolved, into a pizza eating competition. I was 8 and I remember eating this piece of pizza so fast that it got caught in my throat and I threw up all over the place. After that I just learned how to control my chewing and swallowing so that wouldn't happen again. It never really did. After that I just got really good at eating fast and eating a lot. Now I just do it on a bigger level.

Best part is I get to travel and eat free food. And the other competitive eaters are awesome. We're all good friends now.

Michelle dominating the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition (picture is from the internet, I did not take this)

MM: During high school I skateboarded a lot and when we would stop for a bite I had to kind of do the same thing, eat as much as possible and as fast as possible, so my friends wouldn't nab my vittles.

CS: You should think about going into competitive eating!

MM: Yeah, as if I'm not chubby enough.

CS: You should. It'd be fun.

MM: So what are your personal bests as far as eating records go?

CS: Let's see. I've eaten 135 marshmallow peeps in 5 minutes. 6 and a half pounds of pasta in 8 minutes. 170 gyoza in 10 minutes. 435 oysters in 8 minutes. Over a gallon of chili in 6 minutes. Almost 11 pounds of pie in 8 minutes. 59 tacos in 8 minutes. Over 150 wings in 10 minutes and, of course, 28.5 hot dogs in 10 minutes.

MM: Wow. And how do you feel after a competition?

CS: Fine. In fact after Nathan's I went on one of the big roller coasters with some of the other eaters.

MM: No full reversal?

CS: Nope. Never. Not since that slumber party.

Eating lambs tongue tacos and talking about, well...eating

MM: So how did the nickname 'Cardboard Shell' come about?

CS: According to Crazy Legs Conti, when I order takeout, all that is left is the cardboard shell. Funny thing is, it has been dubbed the worst nickname in competitive eating! Probably because it started unrelated to competitive eating. Sort of a spinoff of a Jack Handey quote.

MM: 'Deep Thoughts' Jack Handey?

CS: Yep. Something about he stepped on a snail and thought that he's like a snail because he builds a shell around himself, but it's made of foil and paper bags. Not cardboard.

MM: Ah. So you mentioned traveling earlier. Outside of Coney Island, where else are you traveling to this year?

CS: Well I just got back from Las Vegas for the Hooter's wing eating competition and I'll be traveling again, soon, to Northern Ireland to compete against the decade long world record holder of oysters, Colin "The Oyster King" Shirlow, for the Hillsborough International Festival World Oyster Eating Championship. Colin set the world record at 233 oysters in 3 minutes back in 2005. Last year I pushed him to a new record of 235, the first time in a decade, because he looked up and saw how fast I was going and he just had to 'speed up'. I ate 213. I stumbled and fumbled some oysters in the first 20 seconds before getting it together. In a 3 minute contest, where you are eating more that 1 per second...that makes a huge difference.

MM: Wow. And...how much do you weigh?

CS: I'm like, almost, 115 right now.

MM: I am, almost, two of you.

Macking hard on some ribs (again, I did not take this photo)

MM: I know you make a little money being a competitive eater, but unless you're Joey Chestnut who has like mass endorsements, I'm assuming you have a day job.

CS: Oh yeah. I work at Pantano High School as a math, physics and service learning teacher. It's a credit recovery alternative school for students that have fallen behind on credit hours and can't graduate on time at traditional schools. We provide additional support to help them graduate.

Every year I tie my training goals into fundraising goals and we've raised over $13,000 for various causes, mostly focused on impacting the global water crisis through charity water campaigns. Right now I'm hoping to help a local Tucson based nonprofit by a man who grew up in Ghana called Global Children's Fund reach their goal of $1000 to repair four water wells in a Ghana community where they are helping to improve education through a variety of means.

MM: That's awesome. I work in a library to support my food blogging habit.

CS: Cool. Yeah the principal of my school is very supportive and understanding of what I do. A lot of my students are big fans of mine and love that I do competitive eating. Even though some of them find it pretty gross.

MM: Well, if you think about it...it is kinda gross.

CS: Yeah. It is. But I love it.

MM: Me too. I listen to Metal so people gorging on meat products is just an album cover to me.

CS: And here we are eating balls and lambs tongue.

MM: So Metal.

Michelle doing what she does best...and locally too

MM: So do you have any advice for kids that may want to become a competitive eater?

CS: Um...don't! No, actually if you want to be in any kind of competitive sport, I suggest going into something that you can really fall back on. Think football or being a triathelete, because when you are training for these sports you will be taking in a ton of food calories. All that muscle build up and calorie burning will only make you a better eater down the line. Unless, of course, you're a force of nature like I am.

MM: It's true. Long gone are the days of tubby guys eating a pie or two. Ever since Kobayashi came around it's been little thin people taking the crown. It has to do with metabolism.

CS: It's sort of an art form isn't it?

MM: It is.

CS: And people always think that I am not a cheap date, like they have to order 12 steaks to fill me up. That's just not true. I love to eat just as much as the rest of us but I just happen to eat more because I am an athlete. A food athlete. Like we're sitting here eating these tacos, and they are delicious tacos, and I could easily eat more but at the same time I just want to enjoy the taste. When you are in competition, you don't taste the food. At all. In fact, you're just kind of drinking a lot of liquid to act as a sort of waterslide for the food you are taking in. Then your body just takes care of the rest.

MM: Before a competition do you eat any form of breakfast or anything?

CS: No. You don't need that. In fact that is just more food weight your stomach has to deal with. Like when I challenged this guy to eat the Navy SEAL burger at Trident he told me he ate a huge breakfast to stretch his stomach and he didn't even finish the thing. Really I just eat a lot of fruits and vegetables before a competition because it helps flush out all of the undigested stuff out of your system and you have more room to take in more food.

MM: I like fruits and vegetables.

CS: I seriously think you should try competitive eating.

MM: Well there is this 5 pound burrito challenge at this taqueria on 1st Avenue. I was always curious about doing that.

CS: You should! When?

MM: Probably when my wife is out of town and I have the next day free to just lay on the floor and wallow in regret.

CS: Well let me know when you want to do it and I'll be there.

MM: Do you want another taco?

CS: Absolutely.  

Tucson's champion eater! (nope, didn't take this pic either)

After about an hour or so of just talking about our weird food obsessions, why we love our bizarre hobbies and being proud to be living in Tucson, the first US city to be recognized as a gastronomy destination, it was time to pack it in and head back out.

This probably wont be the last time Michelle is going to be on the Tucson Homeskillet. If we do that burrito challenge, or anything else to keep Metal Mark from being "not slim", you know we'll dictate it all and throw it on the site.

But for now we were just glad to get to know this amazing woman, a true athlete in our eyes, and a kind heart for all she does in education and charity. That alone should be enough for all of the attention she has been getting lately.

That and the fact that she eventually took down the Lindy's OMFG burger in just over 2 minutes.

2 minutes.

It took Metal Mark almost 15 minutes to devour the OMFG's little brother, the Hooligan, and he did almost have a full reversal after. Almost.

Oh man. We have some training to do.

Thanks everyone for reading. And thank you Michelle for being a part of the Tucson Homeskillet. We'll let you know about that 5 lbs burrito thingy. But we may need a ride home after.

To the emergency ward.

Cheers!

Michelle is pumped up and ready for the next big food challenge

Camera, Typing and Some Uploads
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Late July 2016

Metal Influence:

SAILLE

"Eater of Worlds"

The Best Burger AND The Best Burrito In Tucson? Alright...Let's Do This.

Okay, we almost feel bad about posting this article.

We at the Tucson Homeskillet are not in the food blog game to put anybody down, smear against restaurants that we deem shameful and gross or even turn our nose up at places that make us mad because the service sucks as well as the food. If the place doesn't do it for us we just move on and focus on the stuff that does make us happy.

Yeah, we did feature what we knew to be the worst burrito in Tucson but...we didn't give out the name of the place and we never will. And, sorry, it was kind of funny.

That's sort of the case here.

Well, a lot of you have been asking if we could do this particular challenge and, yes, we did (with a heavy sigh) and to not let you down we went ahead and published the results. So without further ado, here is our take on a place that claims to have the best burger and burrito in Tucson!

(Apologies to those who know who we are talking about and more apologies to the place in particular...because you know who you are. But maybe this can be an inspiration to not ride on the results of a readers poll from years past. Just sayin'...)

Well...the chips and salsa were good, so...that's a positive

The Tucson Homeskillet has been meaning to do this piece for a while. Since winning a readers poll back in 2013 for Best Burger in Tucson, this casual Mexican concept up on Broadway also won the same poll for Best Burrito in 2015.

Best burrito and best burger in town? Now that, my friends and dear readers, is quite the boast in a city literally overflowing with amazing burritos and burgers. So on a rather hot afternoon, the Homeskillet crew rolled in to see if the food lived up to the hype.

The mole was choco-chocked and that's about it

The place itself is nice. Its clean with easy to follow instructions on how to order and a menu that is extensive without being overbearing. Thing is, it was high lunchtime on a Wednesday and the restaurant was nearly empty. Not always the best sign, especially for a eatery that is boasting the best burrito and burger in Tucson.

The best huh? Man, this establishment should be booming then. Lines out the door even. If you have huge banners outside advertising the fact that you make the ultimate burrito and burger you'd think folks would be beating at the doors and windows trying to get in.

Nope. Just us, two old ladies and an Asian man on his laptop who looked rather confused about something. Possibly his food.

We give you: The Best Burrito in Tucson!

We get to the counter and order the burger, the winner, medium rare, and the burrito, the winner's circle one as well.

Since there was three of us and two items didn't seem like enough, we also got the mole fries appetizer and the chicken flautas, because if you are a Mexican food joint and screw up flautas, you need to rethink what you're doing and just go into the pest control industry or something.

And...the best burger?

The first item up was the mole fries. Seemed like a decent enough start to the judging of the restaurant's bold claims. We love poutine and fries covered in a good spicy mole sauce sounded pretty good at the time seeing as we were all rather darn hungry.

Let's just say our stomachs were in control and definitely not the brain. Or tongue.

The mole was weird. No real flavor or spice but a definitive chocolate taste overcame the thick black gravy. It clung to the piping hot crispy fries for dear life much like caked mud on a boot. The dish just didn't make any sense. In fact, it just kind of made us sad. It was as if they melted down some Hershey's Kisses into a paste and sprinkled sesame seeds on top. Really odd and really flat.

"Maybe if I just keep powering through my tastebuds wont mind after a while," Chili said as he chomped another tarred up pile of fries.

Nope. It didn't help. So we left the bowl half consumed hoping the entrees would live up to all the hoopla.

The presentation was nice and it stopped there

The flautas were the next to arrive and, sadly, they didn't help much.

The side of rice was cooked nice and the greens were fresh, but the black beans (much like the mole) were gloppy and tedious, without any real flavor and kind of a pain to eat.

The worst though was the flautas themselves.

"Tastes like dog food," chimed She-Ra as she threw one down on the plate, laughing in spite of her spite. So I took a bite and confirmed her observation.

"Yeah," I said wincing. "This beef is terrible."

"Um, that's chicken," she reminded with a grin and grimace.

Oh yeah. Oh wow. Man, so far this place isn't doing us any proper. Oh no.

But the burrito and burger...c'mon, they have to be good, right? No...the best!

Right?

Oh, there it is...yeah, it's kind of medium rare, if you squint

Eventually the two winners of a Tucson reader's poll arrived.

The burrito looked really good and was presented nicely; cut in half and stacked on top of itself with some greens, radishes and salsa on the side. As did the burger, smothered in a chipotle aioli on a decent looking brioche bun and, yes, served with those fries. Sans mole.

But the results on the actual taste of both the (supposed) best burger and the best burrito in Tucson?

Umm...

Not good. Sorry.

Chili says: These fries put the poo in poutine

First off the burger was not cooked medium rare, not even close. It was "cooked", that we knew, but it didn't have a red center until we got deep down into it, and then only if you looked hard enough for it. The bun was okay, the chipotle aioli was fine but the meat seasoning was not all that great and at the bottom of it all was a collection of mystery "greens".

They looked a bit like watercress, didn't really have a distinct flavor but one thing was for sure they were really tough, so much it made cutting the sandwich in half quite a chore. Was it...grass? It might have been grass. Anyway, the patty was juicy enough to pass for acceptable but it was a far cry from being the best burger in Tucson. By far! Most dive bars with kitchens and old school steakhouses put this meager meat flounder to shame. A lot has changed since 2013 and the Tucson burger game is a tough one to beat. Getting people to vote for you via social media seemed to have worked once but I doubt this'll hold up against the magnitude and magnificence of the burgers we have here today.

Might be time to take that banner down.

Please let it end

But what about the burrito?

Yeah, what about it?

The first thing we got was salt. It was really salty. Packed with grilled vegetables such as corn, carrots and red onions, it was also filled with grilled chicken, rice and black beans. And...so what? That's it? That's all you got? C'mon best burrito in Tucson.

It was bland. But salty.

How can this be the best burrito...in Tucson? TUCSON! We are basically Mexico and the Mexican food here in unreal. I've had amazing burritos from small carts parked outside of gas stations, burritos ten times better than this one, one that garnered a "readers poll best of" over three years ago. There was absolutely nothing outstanding about the burrito or the burger, in any capacity. There are way, way better options out there and waiting for you.

Trust us here.

See, we went into this assignment with a bit of hope; we wanted to like the burger and we wanted to like the burrito. A small family run establishment beaming about how they hold the trophy for best burger and best burrito in Tucson? Great! Let's see what you got.

Unfortunately we had to stop what we were doing and just call it a day. This challenge was a bit of a fail, so we left a bit grumpy, a little hungry, and crawled into the oven like car to try and find some immediate salvation.

Sorry little place up on Broadway but the Tucson Homeskillet didn't like your food. And good luck with holding onto the "Best Of" votes for that burger and burrito. We just...yeah.

Sorry.

It says John on my shirt and that's where this food belongs

Anyway, our salvation came in a large icy goblet filled with rum, gin, brandy and lots of fruit juices from a dark and cool lounge just up the street. The Scorpion Bowl at Kon Tiki put us back in order and put smiles back on our faces.

Huh...and the food here is good too. Did you know that?

But that is another story all together.

Cheers!

This goblet of firewater made the bad man go away...temporarily

Camera, Typing and (unfortunately) Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Early June, 2016

Metal Influence:

REPULSION

"Horrified"

A Food Blog About, Uh, Food Blogs...Apparently

OK, food websites are a really big thing, have been for quite some time. Heck, you're basically reading one right now. Sure the Tucson Homeskillet skips about here and there but at its very essence we are a blog dedicated to all things gastro, cooking, eating, drinking and matters that make you go "Yum!"

Luckily we of the southern Arizona fold have it pretty good with food options on the internet, as far as eating and drinking local is concerned. You can always follow Andi Berlin and her food columns at the Arizona Daily Star, read Heather Hoch's reviews on the Tucson Weekly, find out all the sustainability and future of southern Arizona gastronomy with Edible Baja Arizona or subscribe to Tucson Foodie, a website I briefly wrote for before revamping the Homeskillet, which covers all things food and trending here in the Old Pueblo.

Then there's this site: Goofy, capricious, vaguely unfocused, slightly inebriated but hopefully fun with a more conversational approach to food writing. We like to talk about all things food and drink that's going around town, and sometimes it doesn't come from a locally sourced or owned organization, even though I'd say 99% of it is local. Sure we're small and a bit kooky, but those that do follow us and read the Homeskillet on a regular basis (that is when I do post which is like, what?, once a week?) seem to appreciate what we do here.

And, you know what? We appreciate you!

Thing is those sites and writers I mentioned above, including us, is a crazy insanely finite collection of websites dedicated to cooking, eating and drinking. The web is now bloated with blogs and pages focused on just cooking and eating. Heck, I love me some Damn Delicious now and then and get great ideas from Closet Cooking (because that's what the wife and I do in our cozy lil' desert bungalow) but there are some big sites with real budgets that I refer to on a daily basis for ideas and inspiration, such as what they are doing over at Thrillist with food and drink. Sure they may not cover what is happening in Tucson, although sometimes they do, but there is no denying the attention and proficiency some of these writers, chefs, travelers and eaters accomplish on a regular roster. Maybe someday the Tucson Homeskillet can get to these levels but...well, I doubt it. Unless we get some major sponsorship and Anthony Bourdain mentioning us saying: "All I know is that a rotund Metalhead out in Arizona is doing the food writing world a favor, and for that you need to seek out the Tucson Homeskillet and never go back."

That....may not happen anytime soon. Or at any time. Or... Yeah.

So recently I was asked by a co-worker what food sites I follow outside of my own and, for the fun of it, I listed just a few, the ones that get the most Metal Mark foot traffic, reposts and the most abuse from our kitchen. Hopefully you will discover a new favorite food site or at least rediscover one that you might have forgotten about from our article here. Either or, these are the ones we like to click on when we're not working or writing on our own.

You ready?

Here we go:

OOLA!

What we like about Oola! is how fun and clean this site is. Its one of those food pages where they invite you to play along with their concept and design, to sort of hop down this trail or that one, always finding something entertaining about what and how we eat. Ever wonder why Whole Foods charges like $200 for some mushrooms or what the grossest things McDonald's employees find in their Playplace kids area? Oola! lays it down, but in a most decent and pleasant way.

Plus their cooking tips and recipes are always interesting and fairly easy to follow and fabricate. Now it's rare to find a Tucson restaurant to admire and ponder on Oola! but, really, we have so many local publications and websites here that we don't really need a major website to tell the world where to get a Sonoran hot dog (don't get me started!) or which downtown eatery has the best brunch (again, Tucson Foodie can help you with that. Us? Well, we don't do brunch much, cuts into that late sleeping and not standing in line for flapjacks thing...).

Still, Oola! is great and very user friendly. You know what...it's just darn friendly. Dare I say, it's kinda cute. But not so much to make you throw up a bit in your mouth. Just enough to be all "You know what? That looks pretty cool. Let's eat that. In fact, let's cook that instead."

Oola! is just encouraging like that. And for all those reasons, it's bookmarked and well used by us on a fairly routine basis.

Check it out.

Oola! makes being a food fan that much more enjoyable

Yeah, Google Oola and you get the slave chick from Jabba's palace, pretty funny actually

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC FOOD

If you can't get to your world traveling chef shows or afford to fly to Indonesia and eat the anus of a komodo dragon on a stick cooked by a twelfth generation komodo dragon anus cooker, then you need to seriously get into the food page on National Geographic.

Outside of the exotic eats from all points on the planet, they also have a very astute and caring approach to how we as humans eat and how we get that food we eat. It's a world tour of all things we crave, be it extremely upscale, such as rare cheeses in Paris, or the completely, shall we say "curious", such as why we should be eating Lionfish or what the diet is of the bush folk of the Sumerian outback consists of.

But I wouldn't go to National Geographic Food for recipes though. There is a cooking section but really the focus here is on the global appeal of eating and drinking as a species and they get really in depth about it making it wholly fascinating as a lover of everything food and drink. OK, consider this site as more educational than entertainment, when, if you really look at it, most food sites are educational. But this is a new level though.

Like, think of the Food Network as the junior high of food sites which only makes National Geographic Food the masters program at an accredited university. In a sense.

Regardless, for all of those out there even remotely inquisitive about the feeding habits of the Appalachian inbred as compared to the dirt people of Ghana, then you need to click on the link and start exploring. It's extremely fascinating.

And sometimes a bit gross. Which is awesome.

Squid toes and cockroach faces? Sure, I saw it on the web!

EATER

Eater is great. Eater makes us feel a bit inferior. But we like Eater.

The hip and the whipsmart that run Eater know exactly what they are doing and they can make you feel a bit dumb if you don't know how to catch up. Sure, it's just a website and, yeah, it's easy to navigate but the overall know-it-all about Eater is both enticing and a little daunting.

There's a lot going on here and that's what we love about it. There are updates and new articles popping up all the time which means you need to try and keep up. Eater sure is neat but with a full time job, wife, cat, garden and the Homeskillet to update here and there, it's a challenge to reap the entire benefit of the website regularly. I mean, these kids are in the current, if not a bit ahead of the food game. Before you even hear about a new chef or food show or trending drink, the folks at Eater are already bored with it and have moved on. In the same vein of the popular kid at school; you want to look away but you just can't.

Oh why are they so good looking? How do they predict what others will be wearing this year? And the band they are listening to now will become the next hit long after they grew tired of them.

But...with food.

Eater is great. Eater is a constant in my pantheon of food and beverage on the internet. But I can never write for Eater. Because I am old. Because I like 80s thrash metal. Because I live in Tucson. Just...because.

Love me Eater. And if you can't love me, just look at me once and smile.

Thanks.

Let's see, I'll take....yes please!

TASTING TABLE

Tasting Table is just an extension of Eater and Epicurious (which is coming up next), sort of sandwiched between the two which is why, yes, I sandwiched it between the two.

First rate recipes, not too challenging, concise guides to restaurants and chefs and brand new with their lovely #TTNow, you can get the latest food news piping hot right off the panini press in an easy to access stream. Very handy for those wanting instant access to the world wide news of culinary happenings. Did you know there is a vending machine in Paris where you can buy fresh raw meat and eggs? Did you know that? Well I sure did. Thanks to Tasting Table and the handy #TTNow I can be jealous of Parisians much quicker and from the safety of my bathroom.

Bright photos, easy to follow directions, lively articles and I just love their guest chef space where renown cooks do what they do in the Tasting Table kitchen and dazzle you with their skill and style. There's really not much more to say. We use Tasting Table a lot and for that reason alone you should give it a whirl.

Still no Tucson on their city guide though. Oh well...

Tasting table makes it look easy...because it is!

EPICURIOUS

Now we're talking.

The wife is an Allrecipes.com gal. Me? I've always leaned toward Epicurious. Why? Well, it may sound a bit pretentious of me, but...the website is slightly, if not a lot more, progressive and ambitious than most. Sure it's nice to cook with canned peas and dried potatoes now and then but I kinda need more than that. Allrecipes, and I'm not calling it a crap site!, is great for simple and easy dishes you can make pronto. But when you want to diversify your cooking and what you got handy in the pantry, Epicurious has never let me down.

Outside of the obvious recipe index, Epicurious has a dandy community forum where you can get to know all of the contributors and even follow them in the manner of Pinterest (we'll get to that soon) and the ominous The Future link where they can deftly predict what will be the trends in the culinary trade in the next few years. This site is a no brainer for real cooks and real food fans. It covers all the basic bases and then some.

Best thing is Epicurious does not have a city guide so Tucson is safe here! Otherwise this is our favorite recipe tome on the web and hopefully it'll become yours as well.

Easy, breezy, beautiful...Epicurious

MUNCHIES

We've been reading Vice Magazine for quite some time now. When I lived in San Francisco, I used to pick it up for free at local record stores. The magazine was always filled with content you would expect from a title like Vice; boundary pushing, deep rooted in the underground, pervasive, salacious and the best part is that it is downright hilarious. So when I heard that they put together a site dedicated to just food and eating, I knew it would be amazing.

And it is.

Munchies is mainly a video streaming site where you can watch all sorts of chefs, musicians, idiots, hipsters and weirdos jaunt around their fair city and explore the culinary underbelly. I mean, it's always fun to watch rap beardo Action Bronson get stoned as all living heck then make guacamole. His series "Fxxk That's Delicious" is a hoot and I had no idea he used to be a professional cook before dropping rhymes and dimebags into the crowd. He's funny and strangely charismatic just like the website and if you get where Vice is going with everything that they produce, you'll immediately get the gist of what Munchies is all about.

But don't go into Munchies expecting a trove of recipes and user friendly cooking advice. This is a dope regime on a new level and they are taking the notion of a food site and flipping it on its back much like a turtle on the side of the road expecting it to learn how to get back on its feet. This is pure entertainment but for the hungry and culinary conversant. With a little luck you'll get offended at times which only means the J is for Genius heads over at Vice have done their job.

Just go to their "Watch" option on the upper left hand corner and click on the various shows and episodes they have to offer. Then lean back and be prepared to seriously get the munchies. And I don't even smoke weed. I mean, I have, but...

Nevermind.

When you this high, I'm sure poke tastes like the sunbeams of heaven

PINTEREST

Seriously, how can you have a blog about food blogs without mentioning the be all end all of websites dedicated to organizing your already hectic hedonistic fooder existence? Pinterest baby...Pinterest.

Look, thousands upon thousands of "Pinners" use the site to coordinate their favorite things, ranging from gardening to fashion to movies to girls with very large butts and everything in-between. I myself do not use Pinterest to show pictures or feature links of girls with very large butts but (uh...) now that you mention it...

Anyway, we love Pinterest because when we find a recipe on Tasting Table, Epicurious or any of the ba-jillion other sites we use and love, all we do it copy and paste it into our page and the recipe will be saved forever. Or until we delete it after trying it and realize that durian fois gras was a bad idea. It's just way too handy dandy for those who come across aspects of inspiration but just don't have the space to keep all of those clippings. Pinterest is the clipping and for that we would like to start clapping in your general direction. 

Most websites that have recipes or gardening hints already have a link to "Pin" your current intention to get to some day or food to try once you buy that other ingredient you pinned last week. It's organization for the unorganized and even the most scattered of manner will be able to find some symmetry here as the site does all the hard work for you. 

Oh...what's that? Is the Tucson Homeskillet on Pinterest? Well, sort of. 

You can follow Metal Mark on Pinterest HERE.

Apologies to the numerous and nameless food and cooking sites that did not make the list. I think you know who you are. Do you? Probably not.

Cheers!

Typing, Research and Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Early March, 2016

Metal Influence:

BLACK SABBATH

"Technical Ecstasy"