The Tucson Homeskillet (Sort Of) Year In Review

Why the "sort of" in parenthesis for a year in review? Well, officially The Tucson Homeskillet got its humble humble start in 2011.

At the time, I, Metal Mark, was working as a chef and kitchen supervisor while my dear partner in culinary crime, She-Ra, continued her rise to fame and power at her base of beer and food operations at Old Chicago. It was around this era that the both of us came to the conclusion, as we discussed future plans, that we would love to open a place of our own. You know, a fun bar concept that serves up really good food. Or...something like that, we're still working on it. So in the moment I thought it would be cool to start a sort of food blog to track our path to small business ownership.

Yeah, well...we still have a long long way to go before we are even close to being in business for ourselves.

At first the Homeskillet was just a once in a while "when we got around to it" blog that was very basic, very homey without any real care, ambition or focus. It was just sort of a...'whatever' thing with us.

The Tucson Homeskillet debuted in 2011 with this funky banner

We did things like recipes with leeks, how to save money during the lean times of the summer here in Tucson and, of course, eating crap fast food when we (I) got too drunk. It was just an amusing venture to do when we got around to it and that was honestly all there was to that.

But then, suddenly, the Tucson Homeskillet came to a skidding halt.

In 2014 She-Ra and I experienced a very tragic, very emotionally trying year, one that was wrought with the loss of five, count them five, family members in the course of a few short months. We don't want to go into it but, yeah....2014 sucked and the last thing on our minds was writing about our favorite happy hours, how to cook leeks or the secret to our amazing homemade burgers.

(It's infusing bacon and brisket into the beef...shhhhh!)

Man, I was really in love with that stupid font

The aftershock of such a terrible and draining collection of months stayed with us (me especially, since I lost both of my Dads within a few short weeks) was so devastating that all I could do was work my day job in a zombie-like haze and eat and drink just to get by. It was rough. Really rough. For quite a spell "Metal Mark" was definitely not himself and that alone was just sadness piled on sadness making a sadness cake of bummed out sad.

After wallowing in my own suck mire for long enough, I decided that it was time to move on. Not so much 'get over it', but at least try and get back into the groove of real life. So I made a short list of things that make me happy and try to find some amount of inspiration and solace in that.

Here is what it said:

She-Ra

Food

Metal

My friends

Bad movies

A good honest drink

Our garden

Lil Poundcake 

(who adopted us on New years Eve of 2014, so she was like the best thing ever...still is)

So I broke it down and decided that if I could infuse all of those elements into a fun project I just might be able to pull through. But how, but what and but where?

Hey, why not revive the Homeskillet?

Another early promo when the Tucson Homeskillet was (kind of) just known as The Homeskillet

That seemed fine and dandy and all but, really, I didn't feel like giving life to some silly old blog, one fixated with the AR Christy font and cartoon bunnies as my header logo.

Huh. When I put it like that, the bunny thing seems kind of cool. Still...it was time to take the site to a new level.

To motivate me into the foray of food journalism I contacted the one big name in town, a food site that covers any and all culinary goings on around town and one that I had been following for about a year or so.

I met with the head honcho of the food site and I immediately started pitching ideas. He liked my one about the best banh mi sandwiches in Tucson so I was soon off and running around southern Arizona, looking for, finding and then eating the delicious Vietnamese delicacy. In about a week I had consumed about a good dozen or so banh mi sandwiches and, yes, to this day, I still have yet to touch another one. They're good and everything, it's just that, well...when you've done nothing but eat one item everyday in such a close amount of time the smell and flavor of it all becomes a trite prosaic, even unappetizing. But I got my first assignment in and was soon on to my next article for the site.

Love me some banh mi sandwiches but after that piece...ugh

Well, it didn't take long to see that I was a poor fit for that particular website. My style is just too loose and my focus is far from the downtown hipster scene or the newest and trendiest eateries in Tucson, which is what the site kind of prides itself on.

I turned in three articles then we parted ways. But it wasn't a total loss. To contribute to the site you had to have a badass camera, so I had purchased myself one and, eventually, was able to finally pay it off with tax returns. Plus it had lit a fire under by butt and in my belly that I had the chops to do this food blogging thing on my own.

So on a day off, while She-Ra was at work, I sat down and reconfigured the design of the Homeskillet, added a bunch of extras, got rid of that lame AR Christy font and blasted the header with a picture I took after a run from a farmers market alongside an old piece of pizza I found in the microwave.

The idea was simple: Put all of the elements I had written down and just turn the Tucson Homeskillet into a fun passion piece.

After I had gotten the design to a decent specification, I threw this post up just to see what would happen:

The blog reboot in 2015 with this proclamation

Not much happened. I think a good dozen or so people saw that post. I mean, it really wasn't much of anything so I then decided that my first real article was going to be a fairly big one.

I took a long day trip down 6th Avenue, sampling some of the food truck fare, visiting the massive Food City, eating pastries at La Cave's and just getting myself out there to see what I could see. It was a clunky piece, fairly unfocused, but it was a start into a new and bigger direction. Promoting it online and such got me more responses but just a scant above the usual low double digits or so. It was then that I made the decision to be a proper website and not just a blog page.

So I registered the name, paid the small fee and from then on Google allows me to be www.tucsonhomeskillet.com. It was then that things started to take off.

Sort of.

Once we got the web address, the adverts started going out

Still small time compared to some of the heavy hitters in the food writing sites and publications here in Tucson, but with a goofy edge and a Metal song waiting for you at the end, my subscription page began to grow...ever so slightly.

But I needed more content. My goal was at least one post a week, and my posts aren't just lil' blurbs and a photo or two of food. Oh no. The idea was to have at least a dozen full color photos and the writing was to be fluid and conversational with an emphasis on the food and, above all, to tell stories. I needed to have a different angle than most food sites, blogs and periodicals that I have come across in all of my pre-blog relaunch research.

The Tucson Homeskillet was to be broken down into two nouns and a verb: Food, Fun and Metal.

Seems simple enough. With those words emblazoned on the splash page it was time to hit the streets and get the lowdown on what is happening in the underground and hidden in plain sight food scene of Tucson.

One of the first features on the new site to get a few hundred hits

If I wasn't driving around town in different neighborhoods trying to find a hidden gem, I was online doing searches such as "worse burrito", "weirdest sushi", "scary place, good food". When I would find something of my liking, I, and oftentimes She-Ra or a close pal, would go out there and check it out. The results were sometimes awesome. occasionally tasty and even totally gross here and there.

Yes, I did find the worst burrito in Tucson. Blecch. That was a rough assignment.

Luckily I have a day job that allows me to research some of this when I am manning the front desk and it's slow enough. I've been working for the Pima County Library since 2012, a strange and welcome transition from my time as a chef and kitchen manager, but one that lets me utilize my background in literature and theater. For that I am grateful.

But because of the Tucson Homeskillet and my occasional blog post on the library's website, I am now known as the resident "food guy". Which is cool, but trying to answer everyone's question on where they should go to lunch can sometimes be a little, well...daunting. Because I don't know. Most librarians don't want to eat in dark dive bars or hunt for street tacos from a vendor in an abandoned lot somewhere.

Metal Mark works in a library to support his food blog habit (yes, I was on bus benches promoting the library's job help program for quite some time...cool right?)

So the design of the site was pretty good, better than the first installment. I had a proper web address. I made a Facebook page for the blog. Got me some business cards. When I contacted various food trucks, restaurants or bars to feature them on the site, most said yes, which was and is very cool. Unfortunately a decent amount said no or just never got back to me. Which is not so cool.

Here's one example of a rejection I got because the Tucson Homeskillet isn't so widely known:

A big charity organization that does a huge Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless, was interested in me covering, at first, their preparation for the free feast, enough that I met with some of the higher ups and organizers in order to do so. Cool, I thought. Getting the word out about all of the hard work it takes to serve thousands of hungry and homeless people in Tucson seemed like an amazing article to me.

Then about a week before the event, I got an email from them. It basically said that after they reviewed the Tucson Homeskillet, I, and the site, were deemed "inappropriate" for what the charity stands for. Inappropriate? Really? It must be the Metal thing because nothing else on the Homeskillet is offensive or "inappropriate". I don't even curse on the site. Fxxk that. This is a family friendly food blog and for that I became even more disillusioned with the good Christian organization.

Not going to say who they are, but the bell ringers every Xmas outside of stores gives you an indication.

Still don't know? Um, they rhyme with Cralvation Blarmy.

Yeah. There you go.

The Tucson Homeskillet's first big break was covering the good folks at the Tucson Hop Shop which was the first time an article gathered over a thousand hits

It wasn't until I happened to find a tucked away beer shop that things began to change for me and the Tucson Homeskillet.

Up a few blocks from our favorite bar, a new place called The Tucson Hop Shop opened up. Run by a husband and wife team, the beer venue sits among the art encampments in the Metal Arts Village off Dodge Blvd. and was only open a few short weeks when I pulled up and checked it out. The Hop Shop was really cute, had a great beer selection and the fact that it was 100% local made me contact them the minute I got home. When asked for an interview and feature, both Jessie and David, who own and run the shop, agreed to be a part of the Tucson Homeskillet.

Within a few days after posting the article I had hit the 1,000 views mark.

Wow, I thought. People are actually reading my stuff. Thanks to the Tucson Hop Shop, my goofy food blog was starting to get recognized.

But the next one I posted, something about holiday gift giving, didn't even come close to 1,000 views. So that knocked me down a bit. Although right after that I did a feature on the food truck American Flying Buffalo and, boom!, I was back in the thousands again.

Then not much. Then not much again. Then something slightly better. So on and so forth.

It became very clear that it depends on who shares my posts and how I promote each piece that gets the biggest hits.

I'm still learning this whole online promotion thing.

I just want to eat, drink and write about it. The rest I am totally winging it.

 Mmmmm....wings.

This logo will soon be everywhere

One day in early 2016, as I was checking my email, I found a glorious message with an attachment on it. My good pal Josh Cicci, who is a cartoonist and comedian, drew up a rough sketch of what will soon become our new logo. Yes the one right above all of this. Look up!

"I love your blog," Josh said, "so I thought you'd like this."

Yeah, he just drew it up one afternoon, scanned it and sent it my way. It is beautiful and with a little finesse and clean up we can do great things with it.

Now here comes the funny part.

Lately I have been getting business "mail" with letters and such all addressed to not just me but to the Tucson Homeskillet.

Oh yeah. Ever since we went dot com I have received catalogs aimed at (get this) the shipping and distribution manager for the Tucson Homeskillet. Shipping and distribution? Manager? Guys I sit in my underwear uploading food photos then writing clever copy on a crappy laptop in my living room as the cat tries to jump in my way hoping that, maybe, a few folks might click on the link and read my stuff.

Shipping and distribution manager indeed. Love it.

The best is getting these random business "credit cards" with my name and the Tucson Homeskillet etched out in raised yellow letters and numbers. What the heck is National Funding anyway? Total scam I'm sure but, man, they really want me to start an account with them. For now, my one debit and one credit card is all I need to buy locally produced beer and the signature dish from a food truck parked in a dusty lot.

Here and there I get free product when I chat them up but for the most part I have to budget in food and drink costs. So the Tucson Homeskillet is more than just a non-profit...it's an anti-profit! Whee!

Whatever. I love what I do and I'm just glad that some of you out there appreciate what we do and read and share our wacky little website.

Thanks for that. If it wasn't for you all in Tucson (and beyond!) the Homeskillet wouldn't be what it is today. Heck, I'd probably shut it all down and try to write another book.

Naw. Screw that...this is too much fun!

Because book writing suuuuuucks.

Yeah, credit cards and business proposals for a blog that makes absolutely no money...sweet

So the first year of the new Tucson Homeskillet has been an amazing one. We are still learning, still evolving and are always up for a new challenge.

It's fun to go back in time to the first few posts, from like 2011-13 and see how the page has developed and improved. Heck, even the first few from the revamp in '15 were kind of wonky and archaic, but it was a step in the right direction.

The goal, for now, is a new post every Friday (which is a chore seeing as I am doing this, almost, by myself with a full time job and a life..sort of) and to deliver something worth reading, worth looking at and above all worth getting you out there to try some delicious food and drink. The Tucson Homeskillet may be home grown and relatively small, but we are having way too much fun to care. With our good friends and readers such as you all we can do is keep doing what we are doing, keep moving up and moving forward and hopefully we will ride along with the other bigger food sites, blogs and periodicals here in town (and beyond!) as a contributing member of what truly counts in life:

Food, Fun and, of course, Metal.

Thank you Homeskilleteers for making this the best year ever! Just keep reading and, more importantly, just keep eating.

Cheers!

She-Ra and Metal Mark doing what they do best...thanks everyone!

Some Camera, Mostly Typing and Often Remembering
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Monsoon Season, 2016

Metal Influence:

ELECTRIC WIZARD

"Return Trip"

Who needs the crust? We made pot pie stew y'all!

The culinary world seems to have come to an almost full circle. Because of the enormity of success and exposure chefs and funky restaurants are getting these days, mainly due to way too many TV shows dedicated to exploiting them, a lot of talented cooks and restauranteurs are going back to their roots for innovative menu items.

A big deal of late, thanks in much to possum quaffed Paula Deen (hence me saying “y'all” in the header), is taking comfort food and spinning it around, just enough where you get the essence of the dish but are still scratching your dome and going “I thought they said this was nachos.” You can only go so far, in my teeny tiny lil opinion, until you loose sight of the dish and you wind up with a truffle oiled, ramps and lardon laden take on mac 'n cheese. Just give me some fxxking mac 'n cheese bud. If I want, I'll add chopped hot dogs on it later. 

 

In this tradition of slapping up, flipping, rub'n it down (Oh no!) “reimagining” of classic comfort food dishes, She-Ra and I have found something that is not only super tasty, but really easy, quite healthy and easy on your wallet.

We made chicken pot pie stew.

Now, I know what you're thinking, not the most 'out there' thing you've heard of in the last few years or, heck, maybe you've even tried and made it yourself, but take it from us if you want a hearty and healthy option to the traditional gloopy and carb loaded chicken pot pie, then keep reading because have we got a savory recipe for you.

Okay. You will need:

2 TBSP butter

1 yellow or white onion, chopped

2 carrots, chopped

2 or 3 cloves of minced garlic

Cup of crimini or white mushrooms, stemmed and quartered

Cup of frozen peas

2 stalks of celery, chopped

1 to 2 (depending on size) russet potato, chopped

1 ½ cup low fat milk

2 cups of warmed up low sodium chicken broth

¼ cup flour

2 cups of chopped or pulled chicken, either rotisserie from your local market or slow cooked

Salt, pepper and season to taste

I'm gonna be honest here, She-Ra and I came up with a variety of spices and seasoning that I wont go into here because, well, this just might end up as a future menu item. So I'll leave you to discover and alchemy on your own.

First off you want to heat the butter in a pot or large saute pan over medium heat. We used a pot for ours because we always make enough soup or stew to feed a small battalion of midget vikings. Once the butter is melted, add the onions, carrots, potatoes, celery and garlic and cook until the onion is translucent and the others softened up a bit. About 5 to 10 minutes. Then add the mushrooms and keep on stirring. After stirring for about 5 minutes, add the cooked chicken and flour. Be sure you are using a wooden spoon here because, well, not only do you not want to scrape the pan or pot but you want to ensure the chicken and veggies are perfectly coated with the flour.

Once your satisfied with your coating with flour abilities, slowly pour in the chicken broth (which you can heat up in the microwave for like a minute or so) using a whisk to avoid that rotten and annoying clumping that occurs when using flour. That's why you want the broth to be warmed up, see, it helps smooth out the sauce. Once everything is incorporated, slowly whisk in the milk and simmer for at least 15 to 20 minutes, at least until the sauce has thickened and clings to the other ingredients. Once its done that, add the peas and season it up to your hearts content. Keep tasting as you add and simmer. Remember: You can always add but you can never take away when you cook. Like too much salt. Ugh, ease up on that stuff will ya?

Let this simmer over a low heat for a while, until the wafting smell of awesomeness is too much to take and ladle it into bowls. We like to serve ours with some good crusty bread. Eat up and enjoy!

This is an economical and fun recipe now that winter is waning yet I know some of you in Northern territories are getting hit with some gnarly chill. I mean, you can add this into puff pastry but this recipe cuts the carbs and calories down considerably and that's kinda what its all about.

Of course, we still served ours with some bread. But it was really good bread. C'mon. I'm only human.

Have fun!

The secret to our "kitchen" success!

Recently, my lovely lady She-Ra posted on Facebook about how we saved so much cash at the grocery store and how we also saved so many calories in our meal planning. This garnered a lot of interested parties, people asking her what her secret is, are we extreme couponers, do we dumpster dive, what the heck are you talking about and have you seen “Breaking Dawn” yet? Point is, at this stage in our lives, with our budgeting and counting of fat grams, we had to come up with a solution to the dinner and money crisis. It's not that its really a 'crisis', per se, but there have been a few nights where we stare at each other after a long day and ask “What the heck do you wanna do for dinner?” I'm sure you've been there. You're probably there right now. If you have kids, double plus crisis.

We actually came up with the meal planning solution on the eve of a rather bad thing. I was relieved of my duties as kitchen manager for a busy mom and pop bar and grill and am currently (as I type this, hopefully for not long) unemployed. I mean, they canned me over the phone, the day before the Super Bowl. I mean, who does that? Well, it was a sketchy endeavor from the get go and, luckily due to said budgeting and savings, we're okay for a while. It's just that...I like working. Makes reading and writing all the more precious. When you can do something that you love all day, it kind of makes it a bit less special. I love tater tots but I don't eat them everyday. Do I? Wait. Yeah. No, I don't.

In any case, the point is She-Ra and I both love to cook and eat. But we don't always have time for it. Or do we? Actually, we really do and when we began to map out our meals and set a goal and budget for ourselves, we found out that if we're smart about it, cooking amazing and healthy meals can be quite easy. You just gotta know how and what to cook. And I know a lot of folks out there don't like to do either, even though they watch Paula Deen make her whipped cream and bacon turd dumplings on the Food Network and be all “Oh yeah, I could totally make that” as they shovel another handful of cool ranch Doritos into their face and pop in a microwave lasagne for dinner.

Wait. I actually like microwave lasagne. What am I saying here?

Anyway, I know that if you're reading this that you yourself and hopefully your family enjoys cooking and preparing good to eat and good for you savory meals. Right? Yeah. Because your awesome. But if you seem to be having a bit of trouble making it all work, with what you have in your bank account, in your pantry, whats on sale at the Piggly Wiggly, whats dying in the veggie crisper and getting frost bite in your freezer, then maybe what we have come up with will help you on your road to culinary success.

Okay. Here's what we do.

#1 : Get some real cookbooks

Now, I'm not talking about any of those Food Network rip-off books with recipes loaded with crap your waistline doesn't need or celebrity chef how to books with ingredients you'll never use again or have never heard of before. Yes, it's fine to try to decode a Richard Bayless recipe once in a while to make a super fancy south of the border dish, but we're talking day to day stuff here kids. The French Laundry Cookbook is incredible but how many times do you use foie gras on a weekly basis? Yeah. Uh huh. That's what I thought.

For real, there are so many healthy eating cookbooks out there that aren't connected to a fad diet or emaciated celebrity. Heck, some even come with a weekly meal planner so you don't even have to think about anything except the preparation. I think Rachael Ray does something like that. Doesn't she? She probably does.

Just do a bit of research and you'll come up with a smorgasbord of options. One series of cookbooks we love are the “Cook This, Not That” ones. Basically, these handy little gems, put out by the editors of Men's Health magazine, compare popular options at chain restaurants and give you a better, healthier and cheaper version of the dish. For example, at Applebee's you can get a Southwest Jalapeno Burger for $10 that is 1,110 calories, 70 grams of fat (24 saturated and 3 trans) and 2,100 mg of sodium. Sure I bet it tastes fine but...are you kidding me? That's disgusting. The recipe in Cook This, Not That chops 750 calories off, is a fraction of the fat and sodium and saves you almost eight bucks. And, the best part is, it's freakin' delicious. Now, who wouldn't want to save fat and calories and a few bucks? Plus it's fun to cook and if you have a partner or family to get involved, even better. 

 

#2 : Plan your weekly menu.

Get together with everyone and see what looks good on the pages or websites. Sure tacos, pasta and hot dogs all sound good, but do they share a common ingredient? This is where the budgeting comes in. Try to find 7 meals that at least share a few items. For example, the steak salad we made calls for some chipotle peppers, so does a chicken tenders recipe, and the BBQ sauce for our southwest pizza calls for some in the sauce with some honey and the honey can also be used in the glaze used for the pork chops and also the chicken tenders, etc etc. You see. Buy a bunch of cilantro and it can be used in tacos, Thai dishes, that southwest pizza I mentioned. So on and so forth. A red onion goes a long way, as does good leafy lettuce, garlic, a bottle of hot sauce (like how can you not live without Frank's red Hot or Sriracha?), a block of good cheese and, of course, bacon. Even vegans like bacon. I actually have a recipe for vegan bacon. No really. It's pretty good.

And of course you know eggs can go a long way. Not only to be scrambled or poached, those guys can act as a binder for coating a chicken, a base for your favorite souffle or a topper to a steaming hot bowl of pho. Always keep eggs in the fridge. Unless, of course, you just happen to be a vegan. Then you're screwed.

By the way, you need to get to like brussels sprouts. Don't like them? Put them in a gratin or casserole or, even better a slaw. That's right my little dumpling, those things are mini cabbages and taste amazing shredded and tossed in dressing. Give it a try. No really. Trust me here...

#3 : Shop smart.

When She-Ra and I go out for a serious grocery shopping run, you better believe we hit at least three or four markets. Yeah, yeah, I get the whole “well, you're just wasting gas and that's like money down the drain and blah blah blah...” but in this day and age markets, at least where I have lived in the past, oh, thirty years, have all been in at least a cozy 5 mile radius. We know the butcher and deli guys at Albertsons so we'll stop in there and get some meat. Then its off to Sunflower for organic and slightly exotic produce. Food City for anything Mexican. Safeway for basics. Trader Joes for nick knacks. Total Wine for booze. You get the idea. We know where the best deals are and we go to them when it's time to stock the fridge and pantry. Sure we go to high end and hippie markets now and then for the absolute best of the best when we want it and can afford it, but, again, we're talking about the everyday survival kit here, not an anniversary, a birthday or the season finale of “Real Housewives of Belt Montana”. Those deserve a trip to the land of Kobe beef and radicchio picked from the backyard garden of someone named Cleric Tree Heart Lotus, because you know that stuff is gonna be bomb. But with bills, rent, kids, debt, school, mortgage and owing Earl down at the tracks big time, you really need to plan ahead and shop smarter. It'll save you a lot of cash and calories down the line and we could all afford a bit of that. 

 (Trust me here, Total Wine has the absolute best deal for beer, wine and booze. I've done some shopping around...)

#4 : Take the time to do it right.

“But Mark,” you're probably saying right now, “I just don't have the time to cook and prepare meals every night!”

Stop whining you cry baby!

Actually, no, it's true. There are going to be days and times where you just can't get it together and get in the kitchen and get cooking. After a twelve hour day, the toilets clogged, the kids have soccer practice, the spouse is out on a business meeting and the cat is on fire, the last thing you probably want to do is shred chicken and slice peppers. Here's the thing: if you have the tools and the means, you can prepare meals in really no time at all. Heck, we even do slow cooker / one pot meals all the time when the clock is the enemy. After “smart shopping” and having your menu all laid out, all you have to do is take a few moments to grate the cheese and saute the onions. It's really not that hard. While the roast is in the oven, go take a long deserving bath and play Farmville with the towel wrapped around your head afterward. When you've had that ever eluding “me time” all you gotta do is put the stuff on plates and serve it up. Bonus is you have kids or pals around that are willing to help out. Teach junior how to get juice from a lemon, to toss and dress a salad, proper ratio of salt and pepper and for crying out loud how to do something else except microwave chicken nuggets. Isn't that why you have kids in the first place? To do crap around the house? That field aint gonna plow itself boy. Better get behind the mule and help ol' ma and pa out.

Cooking is pretty easy and totally awesome. We love to do it and now that we have a solid plan from week to week, it's gotten even better. I can't tell you how many times we've gone to a bar with a dinner planned then after a few drinks go “Nah...let's just order a pizza.” Dude, that noise just adds up, both cash and fat wise. After a while we just looked at ourselves and realized we were wasting time and money and getting chubbier because of it. Not cool. Now we keep bar visits to a bare minimum and keep the kitchen stocked for weekly meals. And, if you're a soup maven like She-Ra, she makes enough to keep you prepared for lunch and late night snackin' for days. Her minestrone, which was the best I've probably ever had, is still in the fridge. She made that stuff like four days ago. Unreal. So good. 

 

#5: Have fun.

This is the most obvious one. If you hate cooking, enjoy wasting money and want to get fat then go for it. Can't do nuffin' for you son. All I'm trying to do is share the wealth that She-Ra and myself have acquired over the years as serious eaters and cooks. Now that we pretty much have it down to a science, we just want to pass it along to you. These five easy steps is what we do every day, every week, and have noticed a significant difference in just a short amount of time. Hopefully it can be an inspiration to you and help you along the way to better eating and cooking. Unless, of course, you're like some health guru or fancy dietician chef with a TV show and book deal.

Then...why the heck are you reading this?

Good luck everyone. And good eating!

The Groupon Chronicles part one: KON TIKI

Part one: KON TIKI

For most of us here in Tucson, Kon Tiki is that curious Polynesian lounge in some dilapidated strip mall around the corner of Broadway and Swan. It looks cool but, well, the parking probably sucks and I bet it's filled with all sorts of characters from some beat lore drunken rejects from a Hemmingway or Bukowski novel, so I best not bother the regulars and just go to Appleby's for a Bud Light. For the rest of us, it is a curious piece of tiki themed Americana that does cater to a swill tank of bumbling rummys and aging red nosed Jimmy Buffet fans who want to “let loose” all too often in rotten loud printed shirts and sing 'Margaritaville' extremely off key and inventing words as the infusion of booze-a-hol makes one tend to forget that its actually “a woman to blame” not “a worm on my name.” And what the heck does that mean anyway? Having a male ponytail at 60 must make ones brain stretch and pull all pertinent residual information now hovering in a reek sack of bong resin and much too many scorpion bowls.

Kon Tiki, is, indeed, all of the aforementioned bliss: It's dark, it's retro, it's in a bad neighborhood, it's kind of sticky, the fishtank needs a cleaning and for gods sake would that lady please shut up about her cat being diabetic? I mean, for real, another gin fizz and she'll be weeping about Muffin and the fact that he's now on kitty insulin.

My first experience with Kon Tiki was questionable at best. Having recently moved here from San Francisco (which was 7 years ago) I thought going to a Polynesian tiki hut bar would be a great idea because back there, tiki bars were really cool and plentiful and we usually had a great time in them. The Tonga Room was probably the best, with amazing happy hour fare, huge drinks (that were also hugely expensive) and a tropical storm would crackle and rain over you every half hour. Trader Vic's on upper Geary street was a smaller and more tame version and the same one where we got in trouble for playing the first Spice Girls album on the jukebox in constant rotation from front to back. So, when the option to go hang out at Kon Tiki came my way I got kind of excited and promised myself to not drink the Hurricane because last time, I well...let's say I woke up across town next to somebody else with the words “poop here” written in sharpie next to my mouth.

The facade of Kon Tiki was interesting to me, although it felt a bit worn down and shabby. I liked the little bridge leading up to the big red door but the surrounding landscape was mossy, grown over and littered with urban debris. Upkeep here, I thought, must be at a minimum because the interior is the main priority as are the stiff and sweet drinks.

Nope. The interior, although decked out like an early 60's swinging bachelor pad, loomed in a haze of old drunks and yellowed from years of too much cigarette smoke clinging to decades old plastic tiki gods, bamboo screens and black velvet paintings of scantily clad island temptresses. We sat down near the back, in full observance of a huge and, yes, completely filthy aviary behind the squiggly bar, and I was pleased to find that an impromptu taco bar was set up for happy hour. After ordering my drink, I got up to sample the free fare but was not at all shocked to find that the food all but decimated with some sad shredded cheese mix looking up at me and begging me to put it out of its misery. No matter though, the locals were out for taco bar blood and they pushed me aside to devour the sloppily chopped iceburg lettuce, inhale the gray meat flavored from a dusty concoction in a easy to open packet and shove it all in taco shells that only school lunchrooms should deem appropriate and “edible”. There was one woman who actually got upset at me for standing there and deciding if I should indeed grab a small paper plate and join the masses in their free taco eating frenzy.

“Well what are you waiting for?” she grumbled. “Let's get going. I've been drinking since noon.”

Forget it, I thought, and went back to my seat and joined my friends. Luckily, they too were hungry and had already started ordering off the menu. They wanted something called “Monkeys on a Stick”, some bbq ribs and crab puffs (although the c in crab was replaced by a k...clever). I felt nervous and hesitant to try anything cooked out of sight in a place like this. Sure, the drinks were big and strong like a Samoan warrior, and hit just as hard, but by the looks of the place, I'm sure the kitchen was twice as bad and filled with sketchy characters that haunted the bar, all trying to sing along to Bob Marley but only barely knew the chorus to “No Woman, No Cry.” 

 

When the food arrived I was pleasantly surprised to find the potions just as plentiful as the booze, with decent presentation, and it didn't look like cockroaches stuck on skewers. Monkeys on a Stick are cubed pieces of sirloin, marinated and jabbed onto wooden mini-stakes. I tried one. It was good. Really good. Perfect medium rare with a very pleasant and tangy flavor. The bbq ribs actually fell off the bone and were just as flavorful and cooked with precision just as the steak skewers had been. I'm always hesitant to try seafood from places that are far away from any body of water, but, I have to be honest here, those crab puffs, sorry...”krab puffs” were really good, all combined in cream cheese and some spices. Now, I thought, as always, I should never judge a book, or at least a kitchen, by the look of its cover, meaning the outside and interior. Some of my favorite eateries were usually known as “shit holes” by others, only because the central focus was the food and having to weave your way through back alleys, or walk though low ceiling dark dungeon-like dining areas only to come out the other end experiencing some of the greatest food you've ever had felt like an initiation, weeding out the naysayers and the fearful and introducing the brave and always up for anything clan to flavors you really didn't know existed.

Kon Tiki was sort of like that.

Now, we'd go back to Kon Tiki, now and then, but really, if ever, ate off the menu. It was usually a stopping point for visiting friends or a meeting place before we went out to a “respectable” eating establishment. Then we just kind of stopped going there. I mean, it is kind of out of the way for us and, well, after a bit we kind of forgot about Kon Tiki.

Then, quite recently, the place got a facelift. The torches outside of Kon Tiki hadn't been lit in years. In it's heyday, Kon Tiki had those big savage fire torches lit and you could see them from blocks away. Through the years though, with money and the times being an issue, they just stopped lighting them which gave an extra sad element to it's already fading glory. When I arrived for the first time I had to hear tales of long time residents spinning about how glorious and cool those torches were. But, with some new money coming in and some interested parties and investors, the torches outside of Kon Tiki are lit once again making the new coat of paint shine even brighter. 

 

Then, we got an email from Groupon. “$10 for $20 worth of food at Kon Tiki” it said. If you're not familiar with Groupon, you should be. All you have to do is go to their website (www.groupon.com), sign up and you'll soon start getting emails about deals around your town. We have discovered so many badass restaurants because of it, which is the reason behind this series of Homeskillet blogs. So when we got one for Kon Tiki, we were all “Oh yeah. The food really was good there.” Except for that taco bar mess. I mean, was that salsa or...?

So on a pleasant afternoon, one that we both had off together (a Tuesday, another benefit of working in the restaurant industry, weekdays off) after running some errands we decided to give Kon Tiki another shot.

The front entrance was now clean and very un-mossy, the grounds were kept and free of debris and the big red front door looked brand new. When we stepped inside we were now met with a clean fishtank, shined up tiki gods and happy to see that old crappy aviary was gone and replaced by a real patio. Note to all bar and restaurant owners in Tucson: If you do not have a patio in your establishment you are fxxked. Install one now. Have you seen the weather out there? Yeah. Beautiful. And where are your patrons supposed to smoke? By the dumpster? Get the hint here people. Tucson is definitely patio territory. 

 The old terrarium, now a patio...thank the tiki gods!

Of course there were the expected smatterings of some drooling barflys but, that's a given in any dimly lit bar in any town near a methadone clinic. We sat near the back and were warmly greeted by the bartender. The menus were new, our table was clean and it seemed to have a much more open and friendly vibe. Maybe it was because it was a Tuesday afternoon and not Friday night in the middle of the pineapple soaked rum rage puke holocaust that I was so used to in places like this. Still, it smelled a lot better.

She-Ra, of course, got the Monkeys on a Stick and a large house salad while I got the Hawaiian bbq chicken with steamed rice. Our salads came out first accompanied by fresh made banana bread, which literally melted in your mouth. The salads were fresh, the dressing was tangy and so far we were pretty impressed.

Then came the entrees. The Monkeys on a Stick were a lot bigger than I had remembered from trying them so long ago. Huge chunks of marinated sirloin clung to those skewers. She-Ra tried one and her eyes closed. “These literally,” she mewed “are melting in my mouth.” I had to try one. It was true, that meat was so tender and cooked to medium rare perfection. Who's back in the kitchen, I wondered. I was envisioned a large dark skinned man hailing from an island that I had never heard of somewhere in the bright blue pools off of Polynesia. My chicken was amazing. That Hawaiian bbq sauce was packed with flavor, doused over a large pineapple ring and my chicken breast, which was generous, juicy and perfectly cooked. We basically ate in silence. Were we that impressed with the food or were we happy that a Tucson staple had gotten a much needed facelift and planned to come back as soon as possible? It was both. It had to be. Not to mention my side veggies were steamed just enough and seasoned just as well, a perfect accompaniment to a perfect lunch.

We left Kon Tiki satisfied, walking out into the late afternoon sun with smiles on our faces and in our tummies. Not just pleased with our meal but happy to know that people who give a crap and want to maintain a tradition in our city made the effort and gave a quirky institution the attention it deserves. I highly recommend eating at Kon Tiki, now that they have revamped and, obviously, hired a new chef. Let's all hope he looks like that image I hold in my imagination: Grinning a toothy grin as he sharpens curved knives over an open flame of ribs and steak, his ample Maori form a testament to all things great about eating good island inspired fare.

Of course, they still do happy hour and that taco bar is featured on Fridays. And you just read about my experience in tiki lounges on Fridays right? So, yeah, good luck with that one.

Thank you Groupon for re-introducing us to a place we had lost faith in. It's good to know that when you're in the hub of Broadway and Swan, and are craving a tall fruity well hooched drink, such as a (gulp!) Hurricane, Zombie, the famous Scorpion Bowl and something called The Suffering Buster, before the heady death swagger of one sip over the line hits your system, you can order something off the menu that will soak it up and stick to your ribs to boot. You just gotta love Kon Tiki and now that we've been back after all these years, we love it too.

But I will love it less if that crazy cat lady comes back and tells me Muffin has died because of some diabetic coma. C'mon lady. I'm only on my first drink and the surf and turf is to die for.

No offense... 

 

The Homeskillet's ode to the 4th Avenue Street Fair

What would modern living be without the proverbial fair? It's been in the fabric of what we do and who we are since the beginning of townships forming, communities coming together and neighbors that just wanna show off their cute dogs and apple pies. Heck, I'm sure there were some cavemen that got together on some regular basis and shared like different ways to prepare Mammoth or had some contest such as “Best Use of Rock as Weapon”. There had to have been. We're human. We like stupid crap like that.

Well kids, I am here to tell you that I am no different in my appreciation and participation in any way, shape or form of fair. Back in California, near my hometown of Carmel, there was the Monterey Squid Festival, the first place I ever ate calamari as a kid and was not even close to being horrified to find out it was octopus. Up north from Monterey, we had the Gilroy Garlic Festival, the Castroville Artichoke Festival, the Watsonville Strawberry Festival, etc, etc, etc. So, as you can see, festivals were a big part of me growing up; and they still are. No matter where you live, be it metropolitan or rural no-wheres-ville, I'll betcha right now they're planning the next fair or festival as we speak.

Deep in the hidden confines of the Ozark outback, I am nervous as to what “affair” they are putting together.

Nevertheless, here in Tucson AZ, my home now for over 6 years, outside of the rodeo (which is a school and state business holiday, I am crapping you negative) and a bunch of other stuff, we have the bi-annual 4^th Avenue Street Fair.

http://www.fourthavenue.org/fairs/general-information/

4^th Avenue is the hip shopping and restaurant district, second only to maybe to Congress Street, which tends to be a bit more upscale. 4^th is full of funky shops, casual dining, great bars, tattoo parlors and the like. But, before summer hits and right before the holiday season, the long stretch of road becomes filled with all sorts of vendors and artists all pandering their wares under tents in usually pretty high temps. This spring fair was no different. It reached 100 by 1pm.

Still, they come out every year, sometimes twice a year, to sell their goods, only to pack up and head off to the next street fair or festival. What a life. I couldn't imagine selling Kokopelli decorated crock pots for a living, and that living being one of some new age nomad. Not for me.

(This guy actually has a great product, serving pots that stay cold for hours, but the designs on the side are comical and he's kind of a douche...)

But, seeing as the Homeskillet is my food blog, the main focus of our visit to the 4^th Ave Street fair is, of course, eating.

Now, She-Ra and I like art just like the next person but, lemme tell you here, outside of my buddy Josh and his occasional arrival at the fair (http://joshcicci.com/) or the stuff that Pop Cycle does to old records and vintage toys (www.popcycleshop.com ) most of the artwork is pretty horrendous. Not to mention, how many times did we have to get harassed about getting DirectTV? Really, a good portion of the 4^th Ave Street Fair is kinda dumb...but the mullet count is usually pretty high.

The high point of the fair, for us anyway, is the food. There's always a bevvy of local fare, such as fry bread, Sonoran Mexican food, along with the usual lot of burgers and dogs. We can go to Lindy's anytime (http://www.tucsonweekly.com/TheRange/archives/2009/09/11/man-vs-food-meet-lindys-on-fourth) but it's only at the street fair that we can get our foot long Polish dogs at the Piggy Wiggly. Yep, that's what they call it.



First off, when you approach the stand, you are immediately hit with that wafting grilled aroma of several different kinds of meats and a pile of onions, horseradish and all sorts of slathery goodness.

Sure, just like any other kind of street fair, you-can-only-get-it-once-a-year kind of product, it's a little pricy: $8. BUT!, look at the size of this thing. I mean, it's pretty intimidating.

Our tradition, once we are properly mustard and hot sauced, we sit on the corner, eating our massive sausage (that sounds kinda wrong, right?) and watching the parading lot of fair goers, trying to not only count the mullets but the inappropriate jean shorts (on men!), bad prison tattoos, fannypacks, hairy backs and unattended children. Yessiree, it is always quite the spectacle.

It takes a while to get through the sausage but once you made that thing your lil' food bitch, the end result is not only having to not worry about eating for the next, oh, day, but also the gloppy mess that resonates on your hand afterward.

The rest of the day is usually spent running into friends, considering buying yet another Alice in Wonderland print from Pop Cycle, perhaps buying that sweet but spicy chipotle lime BBQ sauce (which we did) and trying to drink as much water as we can. Otherwise, the only vendor we spend a decent amount of cash on is the guys from the Garlic Festival (http://www.garlicfestival.com/)

All I gotta tell you is their products are a staple in our kitchen. Sure, we always use a lot of garlic in our cooking as it is but these guys have it down pat, as far as rubs, sauces, shakes and infused oils are concerned. We buy enough to get us through till the next time they arrive but, oh man, I always get excited when the newest street fair arrives because I know the Garlic Festival wizards will be there with their patented garlic gharni and spicy garlic mustard. Holy yum balls!



Usually after the fair we head home, count the loot then take a nap. Walking around 4^th Ave for a few hours in the hot sun while avoiding gothy teenagers in Marilyn Manson shirts and 'the end is near' religious freaks can be pretty exhausting. It's always a fun time, if not for a good laugh, but the food is always the star and our corner is always empty, waiting for us to sit down, watch the free show while eating way too much tubed meat.



But, do I really need DirectTV? I mean, those guys were so...insistent. Gosh. 

 RIP Mary's Taco Bar...I was pretty sad to see it all boarded up and closed down. This place was awesome and really helped when drinking at Che's or the Wench went a bit too far. Those tacos were amazing. Cheers!

Winter can only mean one thing....its time to make sicky soup!

Our beefed up re-imagining of the classic chicken noodle soup

Late winter. There's snow on the ground. Frost on the windows. Black slush in the streets. Frozen dog pee on your bike. Sure it's a great season but, hey, there's some crap that comes along with the “winter wonderland” poetic butt wax as well. Like those bills that are starting to pile up from Xmas? Yeah. I bet you can't wait for summer.

Thing is we live in Tucson and shop using debit or cash. So I actually like late winter. Except for that recent deep freeze that killed everything in our garden. That sucked. Another aspect of late winter that everyone seems to be prone to these days is one annoying and drippy thing:

The common cold.

I mean for real! Everybody is sick right now. Most of my pals on Facebook have updates like “Sooo sick. Feel like crap. Watching 'The View'. Feel even worse.” Most of my co-workers seem to be ill as well, and not in the approved hip hop style either. My prep guy has to stop every five seconds to cough into his sleeve and a line guy didn't even show up because his sneezing and fever were so bad. Even my boss recently locked himself in the office, bald head covered in a wool cap, sucking down chicken noodle soup and hot lemon tea. And the guy hates tea.

Even She-Ra and I got a bit of the ick. Fortunately, me being the consummate hypochondriac that I am, I pop a lot of vitamins and drink a lot of Emergen-C, that and consume tons of water, so my “cold” only lasted a day. She-Ra, on the other hand...not so much. As I type this she is tucked into bed, eyes half mast, blowing her nose and coughing every few seconds. Poor thing. Luckily for us we have a recipe for the perfect get-well-soon sicky soup that you have to try next time you feel like garbage. Unless you feel like that now. Well then...you better get someone to make this for you stat!

Here's what you're gonna need:

½ bulb of garlic (I am not fooling you, at least 6 to 10 cloves)

Pre grilled or baked chicken breast (the kind you find cooked and ready to go at your local deli or meat counter works really nice here, and is way easier)

A zucchini, diced or matchsticked

Yellow squash, sliced or matchsticked

A shallot, cut thin

Kale

Spinach

Package of Buitoni tortellini, the spinach and plain variety works best here

2 large cans of chicken broth

Few hearty tablespoon fulls of Sriracha

Good pinch of Garlic Powder

More pinches of Dried minced onion

Salt and pepper to taste

* Chicken bouillon: Only if you have too much stuff and you need to make more broth - chicken stock works perfect here as well if need be *

OK. Here's what you do.

Get out the biggest soup or stock pot you got and fill it full of the broth. If you're entire family is sick, as is/was the case with my line guy pal at work, you'll need to add a lot more broth and stock. Just eyeball the soup, it should be hearty but not too much nor too thin.

Next, add the garlic, shallot, Sriracha, salt, pepper, garlic powder and minced onion. Let that simmer on low for about 10-15 minutes, infusing the broth with the spicy garlicky awesomeness. When you lift up the lid, you're going to want to tear up a bit from the spices and garlic. That's the idea. This soup is not only delicious, but it'll sweat out the bad stuff. 

 (we had to add some chicken stock, which is what that bulbous lump in the middle is)

With your pre-cooked chicken, get out a fork and gently scrape the breast (or breasts depending on how big a pot of this stuff you wanna make) and shred it up making it into thin long pieces. Toss it all into the pot, stir it up and simmer for a few more minutes. Your broth should be at a good roiling, not a full on boil, like it should have some bubbling but not be all erupting volcano.

After a few more minutes, lets say 5 to 10, of simmering, the tortellini gets added. Like any other pasta, its a good idea to stir it for a minute or two to ensure that it doesn't all stick together. Once you are satisfied that you're not going to have blobs of pasta, kinda like when nachos stick together (mmmm, nachos) put the lid back on and simmer for another 6 or 7 minutes. 

Now it's time for the squash and zucchini. Get those essential vitamins in there and stir it all together.

The soup should look pretty hearty and smell amazing right about now. Literally, you can feel your nose open up and that annoying mucous character from that Mucinex commercial be all “Sicky soup? Oh Nooooooo...!” About a minute or two before serving, add in the spinach and kale, which could either be rough cut or even chopped depending on how you feel about amazingly good for you leafy greens and how you like them in soup. Us? We like big hunks of the stuff. Plus the spinach and kale will render down some so if you add say a cup of them each, the end result will be more like ½ or so. 

 

Once everything is cooked, combined and smelling like a pot o' spicy garlic yum, ladle it into a big bowl and serve it up to your favorite person who is feeling like absolute ass. Even if that person is you. Sure, standing up and “doing stuff” when you feel as if you've just been handed a Petri dish filled with major suckage, the type that makes you watch and appreciate afternoon telenovelas, is near impossible, this soup can be accomplished. But I highly suggest getting a good soul to whip this up for you. And the next time they feel like ass, you can do the same.

Well kids, I hope this recipe helps a little when you're feeling as if your head's about to cave in, your nose is basically a snot faucet, your throat is filled with gerbils and Tribbles (look it up) and the floor around you is covered in used tissues, because, well, it works for us. In fact, She-Ra is back at work and feeling better after eating yet another heaping bowl of this stuff. I'm pretty sure you'll be happy with the results.

Oh yeah, and wear lots of thick socks when you're sick. And watch Disney movies.

This combination always makes me feel better. I mean...with the soup too.

Feel better!