The Tucson Homeskillet presents: Portobello Mushroom "Deep Dish" Pizzas!

So the idea of making "pizzas" out of Portobello mushrooms isn't all that revolutionary, in fact it's been going on for quite some time seeing as it is a fun concept with tasty results, but lately readers and followers of mine have been asking for my personal recipe for them. Here's the thing: 

I don't have a recipe. 

You don't need one. Really. If you know the basics of cooking and can assemble a simple pizza then there isn't a need for directions. Just go for it. In the newly found immortality of a screaming Shia LaBeouf, "Just DO IT!"

So for this notion of the mushroom pizza, here's what I had on hand and used for the demo here:

• Large Portobello Mushroom
• Homemade Red Sauce
• Garlic
• Basil
• Salami
• Mozzarella Cheese
• Parmesan Cheese
• Dried Parsley

That's it. Super simple. But simplicity is what makes this so delicious because with a fresh Portobello and quality ingredients, what you have on your plate is sheer yummy bliss. And since this is technically a "deep dish" pizza, I always have to eat it with a knife and fork. In the future I'll get to work on a New York style pizza, but, for now, Chicago rules. 


Okay. Let's do this shall we?

First up, set your oven to 400 degrees. (You all in Europe, figure out the Celsius to Fahrenheit ratio because....I don't know. I'm from California. For years I thought Bangers and Mash was a cop show...)

I like to use our toaster oven to make these because the heat ratio here equals proper cooking

Next, get yourself a grand Portobello mushroom.

Not too sure what that creff is on the stem but...I just bought it this morning, so...?

Take the stem off yo.

Bye.

Get yourself a hearty spoon with a pointy edge, cuz we about to dig here son.

Feel free to play Soundgarden's "Spoonman" while doing this...

Dig out all the bloofy ribs and mesh. Be sure to even out the bottom of the mushroom so this cooks correctly. Like, make yourself a perfect lil' mushroom bowl. See what I'm saying?

The best cooking is messy cooking...

Luckily for us, basil just grows like mad in our garden. Thanks to Native Seeds we've been growing southwestern herbs from seed and the results are (usually) pure magic. So I plucked a good looking bunch for this pizza.

I wish this website had Smell-O-Vison, because, man...so fragrant.

Group up the leaves as such because we about to chiffonade here kid.

All nestled, about to get chopped up...

Then roll the basil into a tight little green cigar. You want it as firm as possible because it helps when you cut to make even ribbons.

Sorta looks like I caught some weird green bug or something...

Now get out a good sharp knife and start slicing the basil into little strips. If you don't know how to chiffonade, check out this VIDEO.

I still have some knife skills. Sorta...

Next, get yourself some garlic.

Hello garlic my old friend...

I usually get my garlic from Sleeping Frog Farms when they're at one of the various farmers markets I go to. Their ajo rojo variety just kills for pure garlicky awesomeness.

A thing of beauty....I hate to crush you.

Then, with the flat of a wide knife, smash the bulb a bit and remove the papery skin.

I like to use my "Rocker" knife for this stuff...

Then start dicing it up man. Tiny nibblets equals big flavor.

Done.

I had some salami from the Sausage Shop lying around so I thought I'd throw it into the mix.

Hoo doggies...

Again, like the basil, I thought it'd be fun to chiffonade this stuff too. Why not. I was feeling frisky. I'm a crazy man I tell you...a crazy man!

Salami tube: insert joke here.

And slice it up to make uniform deli meat streamers.

Nice...

Now, I like to add some good olive oil and rub it all over the shell of the mushroom. For me, it adds a good flavor along with some color and texture when cooking. I've tried these mushroom pizzas without the olive oil and they're still tasty but...I prefer to use oil just because. I'm sure you have a preference. Of course you do, you're a free person to do what you want. Go nuts...see what works and what doesn't.

Oil it up...

Since I am a bona fide pasta and pizza freak, I always have some homemade red sauce handy. It can be doctored up for each dish that you prepare and this variety I made a few weeks ago has a bit of sweetness to it, so I thought it'd be perfect for these pizzas.

Want the recipe? Hit me up...

"Great on veggies". I just noticed that. Funny. It's funny...

Now for the fun part...let's make our pizzas!

Here's how I like to do it. 

First, slather the base of your mushroom bowl with the sauce.

If I can use the word 'slather' at any cost, it proves to be a good day...

Then, get yourself some bomb azz mozzarella cheese.

No endorsements here, not yet anyway. But I'm open to suggestions...

You can grate the cheese if you like but if you have real mozzarella in your reach, I always like to just tear it off and just plop it around wherever I like. It'll all melt evenly and perfectly in the end any way and, well, I just like playing with my food I suppose. 

Put a nice layer of cheese on the sauce along with some of the garlic. 

This is good to go right here. But, wait!, there's more...

Then pile on that salami of yours...or pepperoni, or capicola, or prosciutto, or pancetta, or sopressata, or...whatever. It's up to you. 

Remember: Go for it!

Yeah man...

Then on top of that, add more sauce, the rest of the garlic and the basil.

Holy crap...

And then, the final touch, add more mozzarella, the parmesan and I like to shake some dried parsley on for color. That's it. Just for color. Doesn't really add anything but a little dance for the eyes. I mean, it adds a like a little bit of flavor but...yeah, not really.

Check it.

If you're making a bunch of these in a big oven, I suggest making foil rings to place under the pizzas, this way they cook more evenly and leave less burn on the base of the mushroom. But since I usually use our handy toaster oven, I don't need to go this route. 

Again, it's up to you and with your trials and errors, you'll find the best method. 

They help, but, not a necessity.

Now, into the preheated oven it goes. Let's say, 20-25 minutes.

Ugh...can't wait.

You can smell the mushroom and meat cooking, you can hear the cheese sizzling and after a few minutes...bingo! 

A perfect deep dish Portobello mushroom pizza. 

Freakin' delicious!

Now since we use a mushroom instead of dough, this dish could easily go vegan. My basic red sauce already is so substituting real mozzarella with vegan options and omitting the meat or adding other veggies like onions, peppers, squash, etc, could be just as crazy tasty. In fact, I know it is. Like I keep saying, it's up to you. 

Now that you know the basics, it's time to go mushroom deep dish pizza crazy. 

Have fun!

Cheers...

"Lil Poundcake. You want some Portobello mushroom deep dish pizza?"

"Why do you keep torturing me human? Is this made with kitty kibble and mice? No? Then no."

Camera, Typing and Cooking
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Mid September, 2015

Metal Influence
Judas Priest, "Eat Me Alive"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFCZDNwomRA

Who needs the crust? We made pot pie stew y'all!

The culinary world seems to have come to an almost full circle. Because of the enormity of success and exposure chefs and funky restaurants are getting these days, mainly due to way too many TV shows dedicated to exploiting them, a lot of talented cooks and restauranteurs are going back to their roots for innovative menu items.

A big deal of late, thanks in much to possum quaffed Paula Deen (hence me saying “y'all” in the header), is taking comfort food and spinning it around, just enough where you get the essence of the dish but are still scratching your dome and going “I thought they said this was nachos.” You can only go so far, in my teeny tiny lil opinion, until you loose sight of the dish and you wind up with a truffle oiled, ramps and lardon laden take on mac 'n cheese. Just give me some fxxking mac 'n cheese bud. If I want, I'll add chopped hot dogs on it later. 

 

In this tradition of slapping up, flipping, rub'n it down (Oh no!) “reimagining” of classic comfort food dishes, She-Ra and I have found something that is not only super tasty, but really easy, quite healthy and easy on your wallet.

We made chicken pot pie stew.

Now, I know what you're thinking, not the most 'out there' thing you've heard of in the last few years or, heck, maybe you've even tried and made it yourself, but take it from us if you want a hearty and healthy option to the traditional gloopy and carb loaded chicken pot pie, then keep reading because have we got a savory recipe for you.

Okay. You will need:

2 TBSP butter

1 yellow or white onion, chopped

2 carrots, chopped

2 or 3 cloves of minced garlic

Cup of crimini or white mushrooms, stemmed and quartered

Cup of frozen peas

2 stalks of celery, chopped

1 to 2 (depending on size) russet potato, chopped

1 ½ cup low fat milk

2 cups of warmed up low sodium chicken broth

¼ cup flour

2 cups of chopped or pulled chicken, either rotisserie from your local market or slow cooked

Salt, pepper and season to taste

I'm gonna be honest here, She-Ra and I came up with a variety of spices and seasoning that I wont go into here because, well, this just might end up as a future menu item. So I'll leave you to discover and alchemy on your own.

First off you want to heat the butter in a pot or large saute pan over medium heat. We used a pot for ours because we always make enough soup or stew to feed a small battalion of midget vikings. Once the butter is melted, add the onions, carrots, potatoes, celery and garlic and cook until the onion is translucent and the others softened up a bit. About 5 to 10 minutes. Then add the mushrooms and keep on stirring. After stirring for about 5 minutes, add the cooked chicken and flour. Be sure you are using a wooden spoon here because, well, not only do you not want to scrape the pan or pot but you want to ensure the chicken and veggies are perfectly coated with the flour.

Once your satisfied with your coating with flour abilities, slowly pour in the chicken broth (which you can heat up in the microwave for like a minute or so) using a whisk to avoid that rotten and annoying clumping that occurs when using flour. That's why you want the broth to be warmed up, see, it helps smooth out the sauce. Once everything is incorporated, slowly whisk in the milk and simmer for at least 15 to 20 minutes, at least until the sauce has thickened and clings to the other ingredients. Once its done that, add the peas and season it up to your hearts content. Keep tasting as you add and simmer. Remember: You can always add but you can never take away when you cook. Like too much salt. Ugh, ease up on that stuff will ya?

Let this simmer over a low heat for a while, until the wafting smell of awesomeness is too much to take and ladle it into bowls. We like to serve ours with some good crusty bread. Eat up and enjoy!

This is an economical and fun recipe now that winter is waning yet I know some of you in Northern territories are getting hit with some gnarly chill. I mean, you can add this into puff pastry but this recipe cuts the carbs and calories down considerably and that's kinda what its all about.

Of course, we still served ours with some bread. But it was really good bread. C'mon. I'm only human.

Have fun!

The secret to our "kitchen" success!

Recently, my lovely lady She-Ra posted on Facebook about how we saved so much cash at the grocery store and how we also saved so many calories in our meal planning. This garnered a lot of interested parties, people asking her what her secret is, are we extreme couponers, do we dumpster dive, what the heck are you talking about and have you seen “Breaking Dawn” yet? Point is, at this stage in our lives, with our budgeting and counting of fat grams, we had to come up with a solution to the dinner and money crisis. It's not that its really a 'crisis', per se, but there have been a few nights where we stare at each other after a long day and ask “What the heck do you wanna do for dinner?” I'm sure you've been there. You're probably there right now. If you have kids, double plus crisis.

We actually came up with the meal planning solution on the eve of a rather bad thing. I was relieved of my duties as kitchen manager for a busy mom and pop bar and grill and am currently (as I type this, hopefully for not long) unemployed. I mean, they canned me over the phone, the day before the Super Bowl. I mean, who does that? Well, it was a sketchy endeavor from the get go and, luckily due to said budgeting and savings, we're okay for a while. It's just that...I like working. Makes reading and writing all the more precious. When you can do something that you love all day, it kind of makes it a bit less special. I love tater tots but I don't eat them everyday. Do I? Wait. Yeah. No, I don't.

In any case, the point is She-Ra and I both love to cook and eat. But we don't always have time for it. Or do we? Actually, we really do and when we began to map out our meals and set a goal and budget for ourselves, we found out that if we're smart about it, cooking amazing and healthy meals can be quite easy. You just gotta know how and what to cook. And I know a lot of folks out there don't like to do either, even though they watch Paula Deen make her whipped cream and bacon turd dumplings on the Food Network and be all “Oh yeah, I could totally make that” as they shovel another handful of cool ranch Doritos into their face and pop in a microwave lasagne for dinner.

Wait. I actually like microwave lasagne. What am I saying here?

Anyway, I know that if you're reading this that you yourself and hopefully your family enjoys cooking and preparing good to eat and good for you savory meals. Right? Yeah. Because your awesome. But if you seem to be having a bit of trouble making it all work, with what you have in your bank account, in your pantry, whats on sale at the Piggly Wiggly, whats dying in the veggie crisper and getting frost bite in your freezer, then maybe what we have come up with will help you on your road to culinary success.

Okay. Here's what we do.

#1 : Get some real cookbooks

Now, I'm not talking about any of those Food Network rip-off books with recipes loaded with crap your waistline doesn't need or celebrity chef how to books with ingredients you'll never use again or have never heard of before. Yes, it's fine to try to decode a Richard Bayless recipe once in a while to make a super fancy south of the border dish, but we're talking day to day stuff here kids. The French Laundry Cookbook is incredible but how many times do you use foie gras on a weekly basis? Yeah. Uh huh. That's what I thought.

For real, there are so many healthy eating cookbooks out there that aren't connected to a fad diet or emaciated celebrity. Heck, some even come with a weekly meal planner so you don't even have to think about anything except the preparation. I think Rachael Ray does something like that. Doesn't she? She probably does.

Just do a bit of research and you'll come up with a smorgasbord of options. One series of cookbooks we love are the “Cook This, Not That” ones. Basically, these handy little gems, put out by the editors of Men's Health magazine, compare popular options at chain restaurants and give you a better, healthier and cheaper version of the dish. For example, at Applebee's you can get a Southwest Jalapeno Burger for $10 that is 1,110 calories, 70 grams of fat (24 saturated and 3 trans) and 2,100 mg of sodium. Sure I bet it tastes fine but...are you kidding me? That's disgusting. The recipe in Cook This, Not That chops 750 calories off, is a fraction of the fat and sodium and saves you almost eight bucks. And, the best part is, it's freakin' delicious. Now, who wouldn't want to save fat and calories and a few bucks? Plus it's fun to cook and if you have a partner or family to get involved, even better. 

 

#2 : Plan your weekly menu.

Get together with everyone and see what looks good on the pages or websites. Sure tacos, pasta and hot dogs all sound good, but do they share a common ingredient? This is where the budgeting comes in. Try to find 7 meals that at least share a few items. For example, the steak salad we made calls for some chipotle peppers, so does a chicken tenders recipe, and the BBQ sauce for our southwest pizza calls for some in the sauce with some honey and the honey can also be used in the glaze used for the pork chops and also the chicken tenders, etc etc. You see. Buy a bunch of cilantro and it can be used in tacos, Thai dishes, that southwest pizza I mentioned. So on and so forth. A red onion goes a long way, as does good leafy lettuce, garlic, a bottle of hot sauce (like how can you not live without Frank's red Hot or Sriracha?), a block of good cheese and, of course, bacon. Even vegans like bacon. I actually have a recipe for vegan bacon. No really. It's pretty good.

And of course you know eggs can go a long way. Not only to be scrambled or poached, those guys can act as a binder for coating a chicken, a base for your favorite souffle or a topper to a steaming hot bowl of pho. Always keep eggs in the fridge. Unless, of course, you just happen to be a vegan. Then you're screwed.

By the way, you need to get to like brussels sprouts. Don't like them? Put them in a gratin or casserole or, even better a slaw. That's right my little dumpling, those things are mini cabbages and taste amazing shredded and tossed in dressing. Give it a try. No really. Trust me here...

#3 : Shop smart.

When She-Ra and I go out for a serious grocery shopping run, you better believe we hit at least three or four markets. Yeah, yeah, I get the whole “well, you're just wasting gas and that's like money down the drain and blah blah blah...” but in this day and age markets, at least where I have lived in the past, oh, thirty years, have all been in at least a cozy 5 mile radius. We know the butcher and deli guys at Albertsons so we'll stop in there and get some meat. Then its off to Sunflower for organic and slightly exotic produce. Food City for anything Mexican. Safeway for basics. Trader Joes for nick knacks. Total Wine for booze. You get the idea. We know where the best deals are and we go to them when it's time to stock the fridge and pantry. Sure we go to high end and hippie markets now and then for the absolute best of the best when we want it and can afford it, but, again, we're talking about the everyday survival kit here, not an anniversary, a birthday or the season finale of “Real Housewives of Belt Montana”. Those deserve a trip to the land of Kobe beef and radicchio picked from the backyard garden of someone named Cleric Tree Heart Lotus, because you know that stuff is gonna be bomb. But with bills, rent, kids, debt, school, mortgage and owing Earl down at the tracks big time, you really need to plan ahead and shop smarter. It'll save you a lot of cash and calories down the line and we could all afford a bit of that. 

 (Trust me here, Total Wine has the absolute best deal for beer, wine and booze. I've done some shopping around...)

#4 : Take the time to do it right.

“But Mark,” you're probably saying right now, “I just don't have the time to cook and prepare meals every night!”

Stop whining you cry baby!

Actually, no, it's true. There are going to be days and times where you just can't get it together and get in the kitchen and get cooking. After a twelve hour day, the toilets clogged, the kids have soccer practice, the spouse is out on a business meeting and the cat is on fire, the last thing you probably want to do is shred chicken and slice peppers. Here's the thing: if you have the tools and the means, you can prepare meals in really no time at all. Heck, we even do slow cooker / one pot meals all the time when the clock is the enemy. After “smart shopping” and having your menu all laid out, all you have to do is take a few moments to grate the cheese and saute the onions. It's really not that hard. While the roast is in the oven, go take a long deserving bath and play Farmville with the towel wrapped around your head afterward. When you've had that ever eluding “me time” all you gotta do is put the stuff on plates and serve it up. Bonus is you have kids or pals around that are willing to help out. Teach junior how to get juice from a lemon, to toss and dress a salad, proper ratio of salt and pepper and for crying out loud how to do something else except microwave chicken nuggets. Isn't that why you have kids in the first place? To do crap around the house? That field aint gonna plow itself boy. Better get behind the mule and help ol' ma and pa out.

Cooking is pretty easy and totally awesome. We love to do it and now that we have a solid plan from week to week, it's gotten even better. I can't tell you how many times we've gone to a bar with a dinner planned then after a few drinks go “Nah...let's just order a pizza.” Dude, that noise just adds up, both cash and fat wise. After a while we just looked at ourselves and realized we were wasting time and money and getting chubbier because of it. Not cool. Now we keep bar visits to a bare minimum and keep the kitchen stocked for weekly meals. And, if you're a soup maven like She-Ra, she makes enough to keep you prepared for lunch and late night snackin' for days. Her minestrone, which was the best I've probably ever had, is still in the fridge. She made that stuff like four days ago. Unreal. So good. 

 

#5: Have fun.

This is the most obvious one. If you hate cooking, enjoy wasting money and want to get fat then go for it. Can't do nuffin' for you son. All I'm trying to do is share the wealth that She-Ra and myself have acquired over the years as serious eaters and cooks. Now that we pretty much have it down to a science, we just want to pass it along to you. These five easy steps is what we do every day, every week, and have noticed a significant difference in just a short amount of time. Hopefully it can be an inspiration to you and help you along the way to better eating and cooking. Unless, of course, you're like some health guru or fancy dietician chef with a TV show and book deal.

Then...why the heck are you reading this?

Good luck everyone. And good eating!

A Saturday Night Special

First off, let me apologize for the recent infrequency of my Homeskillet blogs. Between work, March Madness and culinary school in the morning and studying at night, it just fell by the wayside. Not that we haven't been cooking or coming up with new ideas and recipes its just, well, we've been too tired to write about them.

But now, after another long and arduous 10 day stretch at work, I have 3 days off and some time to chat with you guys and share some recent awesomeness.

Actually I just wanna show you what I did this one night.

Okay, so, She-Ra, who usually works the bar during the day, switched shifts with someone and got a closing shift on a Saturday night. This particular Saturday was my first of three days off, one of which was spent sleeping in, reading and watching bad TV. It was amazing and a well needed day to just be all 'bleh'. But when the time came for She-Ra to head off to work, I cracked open a deserved beer and scanned the fridge and pantry for the night's cooking mischief.

After some deliberation and even considering ordering delivery, I nailed down a fun snack and awesome dinner that I want to share with you know.

Ready? Here's what I did.

First off, I nailed down the ingredients. We had some leftover BBQ chicken, some beets, cilantro, red and green cabbage, feta and Swiss cheese, sweet peppers, fresh sourdough bread and a bunch of other stuff. As you may or may not know, my recent challenge of late was to convince me that beets are great. So far what I did with them (beet chips, threw some in a salad and this new one) convinced me that beets are awesome. Now I'm just down to pretty much hating olives. And that dear readers is something you will never convince me to like. I ate one just the other day during lunch, just to see if they suck as bad as I knew they did.

Yep. Spit it right out.

So here is an amazing recipe for an appetizer, side or just a fun snack. You'll need:

Couple of beets (I had both red and golden)

Olive Oil

Salt and Pepper

Feta cheese

Lemon juice

Scallions

Dice the beets into little bite size pieces, about ½ or ¼ inches, and toss with a decent amount of olive oil in a bowl. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Pre-heat the oven at 450 and toss the beets in there on a baking sheet for about 10 to 15 minutes. Take them out, stir them, and return to bake for another 10 to 15 minutes.

Thinly chop up those scallions and when the beets are done, immediately plate them, drizzle with the lemon juice, add the scallions and top with the feta cheese.

Blammo! This was a fairly healthy, earthy but savory snack. It'd be a great side for a Mediterranean dish or a different option for a cookout. I gobbled this down in no time flat...mainly because I only had 2 small beets of each variety and was on my second beer. Soooo good!

As time passed, watching a Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives marathon while uploading music onto my MP3 player, I started to get hungry for a real meal. Basically watching those truck stop wizards concoct dishes that would put any James Beard awarded chef to shame for a few hours, I knew I wanted some serious grub. Not to mention, I was on cocktails now.

For the chicken sandwich I decided to make a tangy BBQ sauce. The chicken was already cooked, on the grill, so if you wanna use this recipe in the future, I suggest a fun dry rub on your chicken (salt, pepper, cayenne, chili powder, garlic powder...whatever you prefer) and slather this stuff on a minute or two before plating. Me?, I just heated it up in a small pot before adding the shredded chicken.

Here's that sauce:

½ cup of Ketchup

Tablespoon of honey

Tablespoon of Brown Sugar

Mustard (to taste)

White Wine Vinegar

Salt and Pepper

Paprika

Tumeric

Onion and Garlic Powder

Worchestershire Sauce

Squeeze of Lemon

Chili Powder

Nutmeg

Some Olive Oil

Basically, those are the components I used and you can use them as liberally or conservatively as you want. I personally like a nice sweetness to my sauce but love a good kick so, this is a pretty good one. After combining everything in a sauce pot, letting the flavors meld and seep into each other, about 5 or 10 minutes on a low heat, I added the chicken and stirred it up and let it sit there on warm for a bit.

Knowing I had some good cabbage left, I decided to make a yummy slaw dressing. Here's what I used:

Mayo (we use the reduced fat olive oil Kraft type, it's the best 'best for you' mayo on the shelves there days)

Sugar

Red and White Wine Vinegar

Celery Salt

Mustard Powder

Fresh Ground Pepper

Hint of Salt

Dash of Chipotle sauce

Now, if you guys don't have a mandoline (it's a fantastic kitchen tool for getting perfect uniform shreds and slices) then you need to get one. Unless you don't like cooking then...why are you reading this? Using the mandoline, I shredded up the green and red cabbage and used the julienne setting for the carrots. So fast and easy. Man I love our mandoline.

I combined the cabbage and carrots with the dressing in a bowl and set aside. Then I went about making my sandwich.

Luckily I had some organic sweet peppers and a fresh loaf of sourdough bread. So I chopped up the peppers and cut me some bread. Here's a trick: Once you cut the amount of bread you're going to use, what I like to do is scoop out the excess stuff in the middle, this way your sandwich wont be a bready gluteny mess; just a tasty vessel to get the filling into yo face.

I then put the BBQ chicken in the bread, adding the peppers and topped it with some Swiss cheese. Then it went into the broiler for about a minute to melt the cheese. Once it came out, I added some cilantro (which is amazing on BBQ by the way) and plated it with the coleslaw and some leftover potato salad. I don't have a recipe for the potato salad....we bought it at our local deli. And, viola!, a perfect midnight snack. And, yes, it was actually midnight at this point.

Let me tell you, it was beyond tasty and a good base after a night of some light drinking. I know I had pre-cooked chicken but when you do it on your own just make sure it's cooked all the way through and the juices run clear. I suggest using a grill pan in you're gonna do it indoors. Just adds a bit more flavor and it makes the chicken look real nice. You know, those grill marks and crap.

There you have it kids, another fun time in the kitchen and another grubby yet healthy (as much as I can get it) option for the next time you're left alone with a fridge full of food and beer while deciding which version of Iron Maiden's “Running Free” to upload: the Paul Di'Anno one or the Bruce Dickenson version?

I went with Di'Anno.

Stay hungry and keep cooking everyone!

(The pets usually hide when I'm cooking and blasting the Metal. They're smart like that...)

Winter can only mean one thing....its time to make sicky soup!

Our beefed up re-imagining of the classic chicken noodle soup

Late winter. There's snow on the ground. Frost on the windows. Black slush in the streets. Frozen dog pee on your bike. Sure it's a great season but, hey, there's some crap that comes along with the “winter wonderland” poetic butt wax as well. Like those bills that are starting to pile up from Xmas? Yeah. I bet you can't wait for summer.

Thing is we live in Tucson and shop using debit or cash. So I actually like late winter. Except for that recent deep freeze that killed everything in our garden. That sucked. Another aspect of late winter that everyone seems to be prone to these days is one annoying and drippy thing:

The common cold.

I mean for real! Everybody is sick right now. Most of my pals on Facebook have updates like “Sooo sick. Feel like crap. Watching 'The View'. Feel even worse.” Most of my co-workers seem to be ill as well, and not in the approved hip hop style either. My prep guy has to stop every five seconds to cough into his sleeve and a line guy didn't even show up because his sneezing and fever were so bad. Even my boss recently locked himself in the office, bald head covered in a wool cap, sucking down chicken noodle soup and hot lemon tea. And the guy hates tea.

Even She-Ra and I got a bit of the ick. Fortunately, me being the consummate hypochondriac that I am, I pop a lot of vitamins and drink a lot of Emergen-C, that and consume tons of water, so my “cold” only lasted a day. She-Ra, on the other hand...not so much. As I type this she is tucked into bed, eyes half mast, blowing her nose and coughing every few seconds. Poor thing. Luckily for us we have a recipe for the perfect get-well-soon sicky soup that you have to try next time you feel like garbage. Unless you feel like that now. Well then...you better get someone to make this for you stat!

Here's what you're gonna need:

½ bulb of garlic (I am not fooling you, at least 6 to 10 cloves)

Pre grilled or baked chicken breast (the kind you find cooked and ready to go at your local deli or meat counter works really nice here, and is way easier)

A zucchini, diced or matchsticked

Yellow squash, sliced or matchsticked

A shallot, cut thin

Kale

Spinach

Package of Buitoni tortellini, the spinach and plain variety works best here

2 large cans of chicken broth

Few hearty tablespoon fulls of Sriracha

Good pinch of Garlic Powder

More pinches of Dried minced onion

Salt and pepper to taste

* Chicken bouillon: Only if you have too much stuff and you need to make more broth - chicken stock works perfect here as well if need be *

OK. Here's what you do.

Get out the biggest soup or stock pot you got and fill it full of the broth. If you're entire family is sick, as is/was the case with my line guy pal at work, you'll need to add a lot more broth and stock. Just eyeball the soup, it should be hearty but not too much nor too thin.

Next, add the garlic, shallot, Sriracha, salt, pepper, garlic powder and minced onion. Let that simmer on low for about 10-15 minutes, infusing the broth with the spicy garlicky awesomeness. When you lift up the lid, you're going to want to tear up a bit from the spices and garlic. That's the idea. This soup is not only delicious, but it'll sweat out the bad stuff. 

 (we had to add some chicken stock, which is what that bulbous lump in the middle is)

With your pre-cooked chicken, get out a fork and gently scrape the breast (or breasts depending on how big a pot of this stuff you wanna make) and shred it up making it into thin long pieces. Toss it all into the pot, stir it up and simmer for a few more minutes. Your broth should be at a good roiling, not a full on boil, like it should have some bubbling but not be all erupting volcano.

After a few more minutes, lets say 5 to 10, of simmering, the tortellini gets added. Like any other pasta, its a good idea to stir it for a minute or two to ensure that it doesn't all stick together. Once you are satisfied that you're not going to have blobs of pasta, kinda like when nachos stick together (mmmm, nachos) put the lid back on and simmer for another 6 or 7 minutes. 

Now it's time for the squash and zucchini. Get those essential vitamins in there and stir it all together.

The soup should look pretty hearty and smell amazing right about now. Literally, you can feel your nose open up and that annoying mucous character from that Mucinex commercial be all “Sicky soup? Oh Nooooooo...!” About a minute or two before serving, add in the spinach and kale, which could either be rough cut or even chopped depending on how you feel about amazingly good for you leafy greens and how you like them in soup. Us? We like big hunks of the stuff. Plus the spinach and kale will render down some so if you add say a cup of them each, the end result will be more like ½ or so. 

 

Once everything is cooked, combined and smelling like a pot o' spicy garlic yum, ladle it into a big bowl and serve it up to your favorite person who is feeling like absolute ass. Even if that person is you. Sure, standing up and “doing stuff” when you feel as if you've just been handed a Petri dish filled with major suckage, the type that makes you watch and appreciate afternoon telenovelas, is near impossible, this soup can be accomplished. But I highly suggest getting a good soul to whip this up for you. And the next time they feel like ass, you can do the same.

Well kids, I hope this recipe helps a little when you're feeling as if your head's about to cave in, your nose is basically a snot faucet, your throat is filled with gerbils and Tribbles (look it up) and the floor around you is covered in used tissues, because, well, it works for us. In fact, She-Ra is back at work and feeling better after eating yet another heaping bowl of this stuff. I'm pretty sure you'll be happy with the results.

Oh yeah, and wear lots of thick socks when you're sick. And watch Disney movies.

This combination always makes me feel better. I mean...with the soup too.

Feel better!