More Cool Sh*t in this Amazing Food Town of Ours

This latest edition comes in two parts, so....bear with me!

Whew.

Man, it's been quite the culinary odyssey for me lately. Not only has the Weekly kept me busy but also trying to get this blog here updated. That and having a full time day job and a wife and cat, boy...it's kind of a wonder I get anything done at all. 

Thing is autumn is here and that means the snowbirds are slowly coming back, students have arrived, the weather is (sort of) cooling down and the Tucson food scene is heating up. Lots of events, lots of fun stuff and lots and lots of delicious food to be eaten. 

Outside of the normal specials and seasonal dishes happening at local restaurants, there are several goings-on to keep our rich culinary culture alive letting the rest of the world we are the little desert city that could, does and always will be. 

The two that I am featuring here are a recent block party out on by the GUT collective (Gastronomic Union of Tucson) and a margarita throwdown at the El Conquistador resort where I got chosen to be one of the judges! Neat right? 

See...they keep on trying to make me feel cool. C'mon now. 

Anyway, let's get to it shall we?

We shall!

GUT Block Party

On a hot day, a great turnout

On Sunday October 1st, from 3pm - 6pm, at the corner of Broadway and 5th, the GUT cooperative came together to throw an epic block party.

Why? Because why not!

20 chefs from all over Tucson gathered to slow roast four whole hogs and do what they do best: Feed us, impress us and make us all proud to be a part of this amazing city.

It was really warm that Sunday and the little plot of land was packed with patrons and those running the event. Each corner was set up with a pig roast station and beer vendors sat by their side. I first grabbed a cold IPA from Barrio Brewing, chatted with some friends I ran into then began to make the rounds to sample the goods.

Sorry buddy but you are delicious

My first stop was to Michael Elefante of Mama Louisa's. His hog was done porchetta style, meaning it was stuffed with all sorts of porky goodness - sort of like southern dressing in a turkey but gone full Italian. It was glorious. Crispy skin, the meat was succulent and the stuffing was delicious and savory. He paired it with some tender baby potatoes and a garlicky broccoli rabe. All of it collected together extremely well.

I then scooted over to where Mat Cable from Fresco Pizza (who is also one of the head GUTters) was set up. Mat slow smoked his pig overnight which harnessed a very distinct, very campfire-y flavor to the beast. It sort of reminded me of a luau where they bury the pig under ground and just let it do its thing for a day. Loved it.

Mike Elefante, just one of the 20 chefs involved with this event

More cold beer was to be had from new kids Crooked Tooth and Dillinger, who are straight killing it in the local brew scene. And one of my favorites, Pueblo Vida, was there serving what I think was a saison, which was lovely, and quite malty, and helped as the late summer sun was setting yet still a bit impending.

By 5pm the block party was in full swing and I still had two more pigs to try out.

We are here to eat all of it

Obie from the Mountain Oyster Club cooked his in a special roasting box called a 'Caja China', which is pretty popular right now. Apparently it cuts cook time in half but...whatever. Obie's hog was awesome, really crispy and juicy. Maybe I should front the $500 and get myself one of those BBQ boxes. But then...where would I put it? The wife would kill me if I did.

Last to try was from Gary Hickey, head chef at Charro Steak. This man churned his pig on a spit over mesquite wood for several hours. To me, this was a distinct "Tucson" delivery of the product as it wafted of southwestern distinction and flavor. Good job man.

Good job everybody!

Devon (L) and Mat (R) two of the organizers and founders of GUT

The best part for me was seeing so many new and old friends at the block party. The chefs, of course, but then there was Devon Sanner (another GUT master), Andi from the Daily Star, Jackie and Adam from Foodie, Rita Connolly, Bianca Ortiz, Mark Aubrey and, of course, the man that provided everyone with sausage, Tucson's own master butcher in residence Ben Forbes.

So good and it was so good seeing you all.

And thank you chefs for doing all of us proper.

You all rule!

Mass destruction, Tucson style

* * *

World Margarita Championship

Wait, there are two Ts in my...oh never mind

It's not so much because of this blog but more of because I am the food and beverage writer for the Tucson Weekly that I get invited to judge culinary competitions now. But when I walked into the judges room my name (which was misspelled) was over the title of this here blog so...I got a bit confused. Didn't matter. If they want me to rep my blog I will rep it so hard!

First off, it has become quite clear rather quickly that events such as the World Margarita Championship (which was held in Tucson and hosted bars and restaurants....from Tucson - so I guess they mean our 'little desert world', or something) are kind of haphazard. There is a lot of running around, confusion as to what or who goes where - which is probably how my last name went missing a T.

I had difficulty at the check in table as the volunteers had no clue who I was or where to send me. Once I finally made it in, I was escorted into a room equipped with a long judges table along with a black clothed stand that was in front of a dark scrim. I only recognized one of the other judge's name, Devon Sanner, from the Carriage House. Once we were all there one of the organizers gave us a quick run down on how things would go:

Competitors have 3 minutes to make the drink, serve, inform and take questions. We then jot down on a pad our opinion of the drink, rating it from 1 - 10 on things like aroma, taste, garnish and presentation with an overall impression at the end. So we weren't part of the event at all, we were sequestered away from it; a secret panel of food folk about to get hammered.

Judges getting prepped

I have learned real quick to pace yourself when doing food or drink competitions. With this one we were to sample 20, 20!!!, margaritas from various restaurants and bars across southern Arizona. A lady to our left had a timer so when a competitor was at the presentation table she would say "Time starts now", then the margarita folk would do their thing and then the timer lady would say "One minute" which instills last minute panic for the margarita people and then timer lady would yell "Time!" and then margarita dudes and dudettes would have to stop.

The judges also had a spit bucket if they needed. Blecch. Yeah, if you want pro drinkers with palettes and opinions you would think that they could handle a bit of hooch coming their way.

We don't need no stinkin' spit bucket!

Anyway, before long the first competitor walked in and the judging had officially started.

So good when it hits your lips

Thing is, one of the other judges who I know, Andi Berlin, from the Star, wasn't there yet. So as some margarita man was doing his spiel I was texting her going "Where you be at?" and "Dude, it started." She would text back "On my way" or "Just parked" but the lady who, apparently, was in charge of things had already removed Andi's placard and said "Six judges is fine...I'm fine with this." She was kind of uppity.

Finally Andi shows up, sits next to me and I tell her we're on our third margarita. Then weirdly tense in-charge lady comes up to Andi and was all "It's just not fair, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Damn.

So Andi just split. I would. There will be plenty of other events like this to judge so...whatever.

But still.

Some of them were spicy, others were really sweet

I'd say about a dozen out of the 20 competitors paired their drink with a small entree, so we were getting fed as well. Drinking/sampling 20 margaritas on an empty stomach would be brutal. Kinda fun but...holy crap.

By the 10th contestant my little area on the table was jammed with snack plates filled with all sorts of tasty nibbles. There was a decent amount of tacos alongside bacon wrapped shrimp, meats, cheeses, rice dishes and such. By margarita 15 I was pretty full, food wise, but still wasn't getting really buzzed.

Yum

My strategy was to use the straws they put in front of us, dip it into the drink, plug up the end then extract it before dabbling a bit of drink on my tongue. This way I get to 'taste' the margarita but not really drink it. Even though lately, as I said in my last Homeskillet blog, I've been holding back a bit if not a lot from my usual drinking habits, I still have a mighty tolerance for booze.

By the halftime mark I was feelin' it without really succumbing to the alcohol. If that makes sense.

Although by drink 18 or 19 I realized the judging was coming to an end and I was totally clear headed so I started to sip a bit deeper getting me a bit more buzzed, which was fun.

Hey. I had a ride home. No worries.

Geesh...

The Gourmet Girls gettin' down

The event was held at the El Conquistador resort out in Oro Valley. Luckily my wife always worries about me when I do stuff like this so she drove me to and from. It's a bit of a trek from our place in mid-town Tucson but I got home safe so...thanks She-Ra!

That would be crystalized ginger going in, thank you very much

Once again, there were a lot of friends out there, some competing, some not, but one thing is for sure the ballroom where the public event was being held was wall to wall people. DJs were spinning dance music and drunk people were gyrating uncomfortably to the beat, food and booze was everywhere and everyone seemed to be having a good time.

The judges got a 10 minute break around drink 12 so I had a chance to walk around and take it all in. Tickets were $55 in advance and $70 at the door.

$70?

Yeah, sure, there was a lot of drinks and food to be had but...I wasn't convinced that it was worth the $70 door price. Although if you can afford to stay at the El Conquistador then I'm sure a paltry $70 isn't going to stop you from attending a food and booze festival.

Just saying.

Elote margarita? Muy bueno!

Some of my pals that were competing consisted of Mat Cable from Fresco, Rocco from Rocco's Chicago Pizzaria, Michael Elefante from Mama Louisa's and Chris from Pastiche.

Other contestants ranged from Le Rendezvous (who did a Thai chili margarita), Rigo's (that had a agave nectar one with smoked orange and lime), Trident (which offered a kiwi inspired drink), Tequila Factory out in Casino del Sol (that did this passionflower number and was easily the most stunning looking), Cielos at Lodge on the Desert (who did a Cadillac version)  and one of my favorites of the night, the Gourmet Girls made a prickly pear margarita that was a satin purple color and was really tasty.

Man, this judging thing is tough. Not too sure who I wanted to win.

So lovely I almost don't want to...forget that, let's drink!

By 8pm the judging was done. I was really full, not only from the food, but from the amount of sugar I just took in. My usual drink is just decent vodka and soda or seltzer water over ice. Not a huge fan of sugary fruit drinks. But all of the entries were awesome and I was really glad to be a part of the event held by SAACA (Southern Arizona Arts and Culture Alliance) and Tucson Originals. Thank you guys for inviting me!

I texted She-Ra to say that I was done. So the 15-20 minutes it would take her to get me, I made my way around the grand ballroom to check out the action one last time before I left.

After running into people like chef Ryan Clark, chef Tim Moore of Pastiche, chef Wendy Gauthier of Chef Chic and doing a shot of Limoncello with Rocco, my phone buzzed and my ride had arrived.

Once home, I had one drink to calm the sugar buzz, drank some water, washed up and crashed out. Thankfully I woke up the next day feeling just fine. See, you gotta pace yourself.

Little advice from your old pal Metal Mark.

Can you imagine if I had actually finished all the tequila laced drinks they placed in front of me?

I'd be dead. 

Packed house

I didn't stick around to see who won but Fresco Pizza was the judges pick and I can see why. They did this sort of boba tea style margarita with lil' balls of tequila goodness floating in it. So yummy. And the people's choice went to Tequila Factory because not only was it delicious but was really nice to look at too.

Apparently the announcers were so wasted that they thanked a Mary Whittaker for being one of the judges.

Mary. That's good. Kinda wish I stuck around to hear that one.

Can't wait to be a part of another food and booze competition. Hopefully this amazing journey will never end because I am having way too much fun. As long as I have this blog and still contribute to the Weekly I'm pretty sure my time as a Tucson culinary judge will continue.

I sure hope so.

Cheers!

And the winner is!

Eating, Drinking, All Of It
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Early October, 2017

Metal Influence:

METALLICA

"Seek & Destroy"

I (heart) GUT

When I got jumped into the GUT collective I really had no idea what was in store for me.

First off, it made me feel real cool. After running the Homeskillet for a few years and doing it slightly under the radar and for my own good benefit, it was fun to get some love and recognition once I started contributing to the Weekly as their food writer.

And it's fun to feel cool.

Second I just thought it'd introduce me to some new and interesting people, which it has, or get me on a list for a food event here and there, which it also has, but rubbing elbows with southern Arizona's culinary elite and getting invites for near impossible to get into pop-ups has been quite the shake up with my middle aged, geeky ego. It is both humbling and really awesome.

Being part of GUT has definitely made me feel cool.

One of the best things that GUT (Gastronomic Union of Tucson) does is put on a multi coursed dinner that is created and supervised by what some have called the 'Justice League of Tucson chefs'. This is open to the public, that is if they want to shell out a good $80 to be a part of the culinary experience. Which they totally should.

It all takes place at the Carriage House downtown and the first one was held on Sunday June 25th. I can't tell you how excited I was when I got my invite.

And I can't tell you how bummed I was when I had to back out.

The mid-summer stomach bug caught up with me and I kept having to text Carriage House executive chef and GUT dinner organizer Devon Sanner with the bad news. He, along with a few other chefs that were involved that night, kept asking me to "fight it", "pull through" and "just get over it already"...but the struggle was too real and I stayed home going back and forth from the couch to the toilet.

The next one was on Sunday July 30th and this one I definitely attended. I told Devon and various others that I would be there "even if things were coming out both ends". Luckily for me I was fine and dandy and was stoked to be fed by such amazing talent as CJ Hamm of Saguaro Corners, Janet Jones on loan from Hacienda del Lago, Jason, Buddy and Matt from Ermanos and, of course, Ben Forbes, Tucson's premiere butcher and owner of Forbes Meat Company.

The food was on point and inventive, taking us all on a tour through Japan, India, China and, yes, Tucson. I had such a blast and it made me look forward to the next and last GUT dinner that was to take place Sunday August 27th.

Luckily this time I took a bunch of photos for the "GUT #3: El Tour de Tastebuds", a rollicking journey through the many levels that our tongue and senses can handle on just one plate.

Here is what went down:

Like eating and drinking electric pop rocks

The Carriage House is located in a sort of alleyway, S. Arizona Ave, between Broadway and E. 12th. It started as the brainchild of both Devon Sanner and James beard award winning chef Janos Wilder as a place to hold demonstrations, cooking classes, weddings and events, such as the GUT dinners. It's a really cool space, wide open with a pass kitchen, theater lights and a sound system. I heard they do dim sum there on occasion. Haven't been invited to that yet. Guess that's a next level GUT entry...

Since this was the last GUT dinner of 2017 the place was packed. My wife and I were given a seating assignment then handed a cocktail. It was a bright yellow lemongrass citrus mezcal creation and they paired it with some kind of puffy stem flower called a 'buzz button'. The fuzzy bud created a numbing and tingling sensation, which was quite the surprise. Paired with the boozy drink, the overall experience was both alluring and almost off putting...but in a fun way.

As we chatted with folk, servers brought around a selection of hors d' oeuvres which included a pork crepinette (which basically means it was flattened), finished with a Szechuan spicy pickled peanut sauce. My favorite was the dry rubbed, pecan smoked ribs with micro greens. This was really good on so many levels. My wife loved the crostini with a pork offal schmear, black garlic oil and crispy kale. I liked that one too. I just preferred the ribs.

But that's just me.

Before long everyone began taking their seats because the dinner was about to start.

Course 1: Bitter

Devon Sanner took center stage, thanked everybody for coming and introduced us to the chefs that created each dish. Tonight they would include Izaak Morhaim of Jackson Bar + Eatery, David Solorzano of Cielos at Lodge on the Desert, Sam Krajnak from Pasco, Mat Cable of Fresco Pizza, Nohemi Montoya from Lowes Ventana Resort and Travis Peters (who recently took the title of Tucson Iron Chef) of The Parish among a slew of other very talented chefs. Like I said, the Justice League of Tucson culinary heavy hitters.

First up was the "Bitter" course which boasted a petite pork osso bucco, charred dandelion greens, a pomegranate gastrique (a sweet and sour sauce deglazed in vinegar), grapefruit espuma (foam) and tripas (tripe) cracklings.

This was interesting. Bitter came in many formats here; the dandelion greens, the grapefruit foam and the pomegranate gastrique.  The pork osso bucco was tender and a lot of fun to eat. It was small, just a bite or two and if this was a proper "meal" sized dish it would kill in any restaurant as a main dish.

We were off and running, taste buds glowing from bits of pungent buds, strong drink, pork nasty bits and tart crispiness.

This is going to be fun.

Course 2: Sour

Course #2 would be the "Sour" element.

Here we were treated to a sous-vide of pork neck (which apparently does not exist but butcher Ben Forbes said he had to push meat up from the shoulders to get a fatty effect on the neck), a tart apple demiglace (or 'half glaze', a sauce that is basically used for other sauces), sour grape and tomatillo escabeche (a Mediterranean dish, usually fish, that is cooked in an acidic mixture), mustard green chips, carrots, turnips and a blackberry croquant ('crisp').

This was the standout for me. All of it came together with each bite to create that perfect mouth feel and flavor and the "sour" invitation lived up to its name. It was playful, jovial and above all really yummy. Cheers to all that came together on this one.

Okay. Lets keep this hit machine on track.

Course 3: Umami

Umami is usually described as a category of flavor beyond the bitter, sweet, sour and salty that our taste buds can handle. Some say brothy or meaty. Quite the challenge for this course.

For this one, chefs offered up hog trotter and barbecue devilfish (usually a manta ray, here it was smoked octopus), chicken fried headcheese, mudbug (crawfish/crayfish depending on where you are from) dashi (Japanese cooking stock) grits, smoked roe, chicory, enoki (long thin white Asian mushroom) and some mayo.

Wow.

Complex only begins to describe what was happening here. The devilfish was rousing as I was not really used to that kind of texture or flavor, one that reminded me of a loose pate of sorts brimming with porky elements and a distinct barbecue finish. The chicken fried headcheese just made me smile as I know that was the product of chef Travis from The Parish who is no stranger to twisting traditional southern flavors and making them his subservient. The presentation reminded me of some Medieval map in which after crossing the dark sea of the devilfish you must solve the puzzle of the mysterious enoki before conquering the tower of chicken fried headcheese topped with smoked roe.

Probably because at this point the food high was beginning to seriously rear its delicious head.

Just one more course to contend with.

Dessert Course: Sweet (duh)

Sweet relief came in the form of a triage of dessert:

1) A chocolate ganache (a glaze or filling made from rich chocolate and cream) cake with cardamom cream
2) Prickly pear limoncello granita (basically an Italian icee)
3) Donut with pork floss cotton candy, bacon and ancho caramel

This was the perfect way to end an extraordinary meal.

The chocolate cake was really rich but not too sweet. If you are going to live in Tucson be prepared to love prickly pear...everything. That granita melted in your mouth and cooled the pork heavy supper down a notch. They explained why the pork floss was bright green but all I could hear was "Mmmm" echoing through my ears and brain. I'm sure there was a reason behind it.

To the chef that created it...get back to me. It looks like the mossy glen to which the headcheese tower casts shadows over, next to the perilous devilfish sea, a donut-y respite from solving the riddle of the enoki.

Is that what it is?

I hope so.

All the chefs making all the food

As we sipped on a really hearty yet subtly sweet port wine, Devon and the rest of the chefs thanked everybody involved and gave a big hand to us, the ones that attended and were privy to such an honor to be fed by the hands of Tucson's culinary Avengers.

We left, not only full, but a bit sad that this was the last in the first series of GUT dinners...at least for the summer. Since it was so busy with people, the two of us exited into the warm evening outside without saying personal 'thank yous' and 'goodbyes'.

So let this here blog post say it for me/us:

Thank you chefs for not only creating GUT but for cooking memorable meals and allowing a dork like me to be part of your fold.

All I can say about that is:

Cool!

Thank you GUT!

Camera, Typing & Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Last Sunday in August, 2017

Metal Influence:

CARCASS

"Heartwork"

PORKED!

The Tucson Homeskillet reports on the AZ Bacon Festival.

Bacon is mutilation!

So far the third installment of the Arizona Bacon Fest (http://www.arizonabaconfest.net) was off to a good start as that was the first thing we heard when we exited the car. Expecting to see a rag tag group of pasty protesters, gallant in their blonde dreadlocks and a reeking of a backlash decade’s long soy bender, what I got was a small group of tanned folk, ethnicity unknown as I was walking too fast to get a fair glimpse, dressed in what appeared to be their Sunday best or perhaps a fancy day out at their local Wal-Mart. I didn’t get it. I mean, I understand your convictions of consuming delicious meat, ripped and torn un-voluntarily from penned dumb animals and sold for our general consumption at your local market, but, jeeze man….this is the Bacon Festival. In Arizona mind you. Wild banditos and bikers high on methane and cheap swill don’t take kindly to piddly antics coming from fairly well dressed protesters such as yourselves. It was a good thing that the small band of baconphobes were slightly hidden and yelling their beliefs from behind the shells of 1980 era Chevys, hopefully knowing darn well that some muscle freak named Toad would not take kindly someone demeaning his favorite snack and his sweaty meat rage would take effect and a beating to those who think that collecting honey from bees is somehow a form of “rape” would be a most unpleasant yet fulfilling sight. 

So we kept on, me yelling the slightly rude “Tasty, tasty mutilation!”, as we grabbed our passes and made our way into the cured pork fray.

Let's do this!

This year’s AZ Bacon Fest was held at Kino Park (http://www.kinosportscomplex.com, 2500 E Ajo Way, Tucson, AZ) which is usually home to the baseball team the Tucson Padres; a team so feared and admired at the same time that at one instance they managed to sell out almost half the stadium when they played a likeminded team from Las Vegas. It was a veritable shut out, 1-2, with the Padres winning and a crowd member went mildly wild seeing as he had some cash riding on the event and his bar tab was close to $100. It’s a very green field. Not just the grass but it’s the seats, the backboards and a sort of “green monster” tribute, giving nod to an actual baseball field to an actual baseball team out in the reaches of Boston.

When we arrived a few minutes after the doors opened at 6pm, the field view from the top tier made it appear sparse with attendees. We could see the perimeter of the field lined with food and beer vendors, we could hear the echoing strains of a band covering “You Can Go Your Own Way” and the tented VIP area in the center filled with food judges and those that shelled out $125 to sit in said area who also received a special beer holder that you wrap around your neck allowing you to eat freely while not having to juggle your beer sample or, god forbid, put it on the ground for a second. But as we descended the steep stairs through the seats and bleachers, which were already dotted with large people that couldn’t complete the lengthy jaunt (this is a bacon festival keep in mind, Jillian Michaels did not RSVP I take it) or those that were already too drunk to stand erect on a soft grassy field. Which got me to thinking: Did folks actually pre-party before coming to the Bacon Festival, a place where free beer is doled out at every other kiosk? That would be madness. That is the same mentality as doing a bunch of blow before entering the great Illinois Cocaine Jamboree, an event where you literally stand on a giant mirror, are handed a straw that can extend up to 5 feet and Roombas set on ‘reverse’ that poop out fat lines all night long and food vendors have been replaced by chew toys and the band covers nothing but death metal. 

Bacon wrapped shrimp...we're off to a promising start

The crowd was bigger than I had anticipated, a thick maw of Tucson’s finest, Tucson’s service industry that got free tickets and dotted with those that seemed to have saved up for this because at $50 a pop just to get in, there sure were a lot of bad faded tattoos, scruffy midriffs, neo-gangster attire and confused looks as to what to do or where to go. Most of them congregated in tight groups, holding desperately onto their 2oz plastic beer mugs, shivering from a gusty late afternoon breeze asking each other what ‘pork belly’ was. 

Well...this line isn't too bad. I guess.

“It’s like bacon,” I overheard one dude say wearing an Insane Clown Posse shirt. “Only different. It’s sort of like bacon, but on a different level.”

He was right actually. It’s the same region here in America, but it is a completely different cut and cure method. Then I got the food knowledge shivers. Is everything here at the “Bacon Festival” going to be pork belly, that fatty and trendy pork product that neo-hipsters put in everything? Even before trying anything I started to get upset. So I calmed myself down, got us two beers and stood in line for…something.

That's not pork belly is it? It's bacon! Yes please...

That was one of the first things we noticed: We really didn’t know who was here and what they were serving. Sure on the website they give a few hints, like Mama’s Hawaiian BBQ, Lindy’s and Augustin Kitchen, but there were clearly more than the ten or so restaurants lining the stadium than was listed on the homepage. A map would have been nice. It became clear, quite quickly, that attendees were subject to their own plight and would just have to stand in line to see what was at the other end. 

We were lucky to get food from these guys. So good...

As we scanned the whole festival that was another factor that we were hit with: Lines. The whole field was awash with people standing there trying to get a gaze as to what they were queueing up for in the first place. My initial impression of the Bacon Festival was that of one filled with open pits of fire, large manly grills sizzling with twisting meats and bacon literally filling the Southern Arizona sky as patrons partook in an orgy of cured pork gastronomy and got high from the levels of smoke and smoke brined flesh and fat that would eventually give them a sweaty hangover for days to come.

Nope. Just lines.

After grabbing a much needed beer from the Sierra Nevada booth (http://www.sierranevada.com) we were lucky to find a food tent that wasn’t too busy. Unfortunately they were too busy playing catch up on their food samples to tell me who they were and what they were serving up, seeing as there was no signage indicating such, we grabbed a cup of whatever they were dishing up and dug in. Mind you, there isn’t a whole lot of “digging in” since these are just samples and tastings of their wares but….you get the picture. 

Delicious mystery bacon soup from a mysterious vendor

It was a spicy and really delicious bean and bacon soup with huge cuts of the meat sticking out of the tasty broth. Oh man. Nevermind what I was just thinking. If the food at the Bacon Festival is in this ilk, then we are going to be fine. Man it was tasty. So much that we went back for seconds. Who are these guys?

Next up we found a quaint and slightly busier venture called Evolve that were serving up some bacon wrapped burger realness. Again, the taste and quality was amazing. The bacon that surrounded the ground chuck was thick and dripping on my hands with pork fatty goodness.  Like the first booth we ate from, I wanted seconds but the burgers were going fast seeing as more and more people were walking down the steps and onto the field. At 6:30pm, the Bacon festival was starting to get busy. 

Chef Jay layin' it down...

Luckily I had a chance to speak with the owner of Evolve, Chef Jay, who informed me that they are a new startup and plan on changing the way we eat locally here in Tucson, especially with the meat. That’s a tall order seeing as our fair and dusty little hamlet is already a boon to the “farm to fork” concept with our thriving local merchants, seed libraries, orchards, co-ops and so on. But I had to give props to Chef Jay as his burger concept was one of the best I have had in Tucson. Then he scampered off because they were running out of food and the line was growing longer.

Just as we were coming down from our pre-conceived judging of the event after ingesting a few delicious samples of food, we were immediately met with another obvious oversight.

The trash.

This was only the beginning...

There was literally one trash barrel to every, say, three to four vendors, all of which were cranking out samples of food and beer at a, now, alarming rate. It was as if we had to play Trash Jenga to not litter the grounds so much. I was actually impressed at the levels of balance ingenuity the eaters and drinkers had at this stage. But it would only get worse and by close to 7pm, Kino Stadium was pretty packed.

At this still fairly early stage of the event, the grounds were now a swirling mélange of bacon goers and the lines were teetering on the idea of ludicrous speed. So much in fact we would just walk up to the table and ask what they were serving up before enduring a tummy grumbling wait.

“Well, what we have for you today is a pork belly…”

“Today we are serving up a pork infused….”

“This is a pork belly terrine with…”

And, my personal favorite: “This is a pulled pork sandwich.”

That’s it? Is it mixed with bacon? Is there a bacon jam? Is the sauce a sort of bacon marinade? Tell me kind sir….is there bacon in your pulled pork sandwich?

A dead stare. “No.”

Another line? C'mon!

So people are waiting for at least a half hour, if not more, to bite into something that isn’t even mingled or even near bacon. At a bacon festival. Unreal. Pork does not automatically equal bacon, especially pork belly. What was most disappointing was a Tucson favorite helmed by a local “celebrity” chef that were handing out tiny pork belly banh mi sandwiches. Now, this came as a particularly funny prospect as I had just written an article on the banh mi sandwich (a Vietnamese creation featuring a savory protein, usually pork, ironically, on a soft roll including jalapenos, cilantro and the like) and more than half of the restaurants that I featured in banh mi piece used pork belly. It got boring really quick. So it felt to me that this hot shot chef was all, “Oh. Bacon fest. Again? So soon? Okay, um…what’s everyone else doing? Pork belly? Sounds good. What’s that popular brunch place do with pork belly? A banh mi! Let’s do that…”

This is getting ridiculous...

Then this started happening.

Wait. We just got here.

At around the7:30/8pm mark, almost half of the vendors went dark due to running out of food. I really wanted to try a jalapeno bacon sushi roll but they were dry. There was yet another that was already packing it in because they had made a few hundred samples of some bacon….thing, and sold out. Did the vendors not keep up with ticket sales or was the “Bacon Festival” the sort of food-served-for-an-hour-then-its-all-beer-drinking-from-there type of congress? I couldn’t figure it out. 

It sounded good but....oh well.

Stopping by the ever amazing Lindy’s (http://www.lo4th.com, 431 N 4th Ave, Tucson, AZ) I found the owner and namesake Tweeting on his phone.

“Dude,” Lindy said, “I had fifteen hundred bacon wrapped pork Sonoran hot dogs…we sold out in an hour. Unreal.”

1500 Sonoran dogs. I don’t blame Lindy at all because that sounds prepared. Obviously when folks hit the turf they ran to where they knew they would get their money’s worth but those that even lagged a bit behind were met with the man himself Instagraming his success and amazement at the rapid rate his wares were handed out and then gone. 

Lindy posting about his 1500 samples gone in an hour

Luckily I did get to try the crabcakes with bacon aioli from Elliott’s (http://elliottsoncongress.com, 135 E. Congress Street Tucson, AZ) and Mama’s Hawaiian BBQ (http://www.mamashawaiianbbq.com, various locations across Arizona) which served up a tropical bacon wrapped pineapple feat, both of which were entirely delicious, savory and, thankfully, available. 

Elliott's crabcakes with bacon aioli was bomb

Okay, now that I had a bit of food in me and a few more beers, I started to settle down and relax. Sure it was crowded, sure the band was meandering on in A.M. lite rock expectancy and, yeah, a bunch of restaurants and food emporiums were shutting down, but it was a beautiful night, I ran into a few friends and my meat and beer buzz was afloat so I decided to ride out the rest of the festival with judgment free aplomb.

But that ended rather quickly.

The crowd, who for the most part appeared to be the Bud/Miller/Coors Lite drinking mob, were subject to sucking down beer that was far and above the 2 or 3% ABV (alcohol by volume) they were used to. Most of the beer they were sampling were in the 7 to 9% APV and the effects were starting to reveal itself. 

I can't believe my favorite brewery and beer was here!

They were getting louder. Some were falling down. Other retreated to the seats to pass out. There was some bro-tastic yelling and their dates yodeling the obligatory “Wooo!” As darkness approached, the seething mass was gurgling with apparent intoxication and now the Bacon Festival had transformed itself into a Beer Farts and Caterwauling Extravaganza. Leather garbed bikers emerged from out of nowhere asking “I wonder if there’s bacon beer!” Only later did I find the Harley Davidson tent so I’m sure certain “clubs” were given free passes and now they cohabitated, briefly, with fraternal drunkards that swayed in the gentle night air and to the band squeaking out a version of “Night Moves”. 

Do you know any Slayer?

Then through the night sky, a cloud emerged. At first I thought it could be Tucson’s lazy ruling on pot smoking laws….but no. It was the terrible whiff of cheap cigars, coming from somewhere in the center lanes. Walking by there I found a vendor selling El Ropo style cigars to beer soaked wannabe mack daddy kids that think by donning a smoldering turd in your mouth you are automatically a playa in a rap video being shot in slow motion. Mixed with piling trash, beer puke and desperation, the smell had overcome my short lived giddy mood and I knew the time had come to call it. 

*cough* Gross...

We mashed our way out, giving away our unused beer tickets to random friends that we passed and were eventually set free in the glorious fresh air above the regaling territory below. 

Bye buster Felicia...

“See you next year!” toned one of the gate keepers in a chittery inflection as we exited. I’m not too sure about that, I thought to myself.

The Arizona Bacon Festival isn’t terrible, but it is a work in progress. Obviously the good people of Tucson and the surrounding areas are willing to shell out a good amount of hard earned dough to eat fatty pork products and drink endless supplies of stiff ales and lagers, but the execution that we were witness to needs a bit of stitching up. 

I can't explain the terror we felt.

Vendors need to step up their supply game and work in communicating with the organizers. Staff up the event, hire volunteers and for craps sake get more trash cans. I mean, for real. There were times where it felt we were in the middle of a garbage strike and to deal with the grim reality of smelly piles all around us those in power decided to throw a bar-be-que and beer picnic to ease the pain. It wasn’t bad it just wasn’t…great. Maybe next year as the lady had prescribed to us.

Maybe next year.

Luckily there was an In-N-Out on the way home and consuming a double-double made things right. But to leave a bacon carnival hungry? C’mon. I just wished there was more pork in my belly when we left.

Wait a minute….

Camera and Typing by

Metal Mark

May 2015 

Metal Inspiration

Cannibal Corpse, "Eaten Back To Life" 

Listen to it here: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_C1Xr-2Qk6c