Five Stars In The Food Court

When you're checking reviews online and you come across a place you had no idea even existed and there is nothing but 4-5 star ratings down the line, it kind of peaks your interest right?

I know it does with us.

In fact, we are the ones that are totally enthralled with a restaurant that boasts loads of 5 stars, a few 4s, couple of 3s here and there then a bunch of 1s. You're like, 'wait, is this place...good, or is it a bucket of urinal cakes soaked in farts?' It is then up to us to go there, get a bunch of food, eat it and judge for ourselves. In fact, that's the whole idea behind online review sites; everybody has an opinion, everybody has a different experience and everyone takes something away from that place in their own way. That's why I'm not big on reviews in newspapers and magazines. One dude/dudette with the power of a publication behind him/her can walk into a place, not have a good time then write about it which reaches thousands, if not more, people and then sullies the name of a joint that is a favorite to a whole other lot. Maybe the cook was having a bad day, perhaps they accidentally dropped sugar in when it was meant to be salt. It happens.

We have heeded the call of the online opinions and have come away equally stoked and disgusted. But a place in the Tucson Mall has garnered almost nothing but 5 stars and for that reason alone we set aside our contempt for all things shopping arenas and had to check it out.

A lot of food for not a lot of money

Here's the thing: When we got to the food court almost every other stand had a line...except Kebab King, the reason for our visit. Checking again on the online reviews, we just had to be sure that this was the spot.

Yep. It was.

When I talked to the smiling gentleman at the front counter he informed me that the owners of Kebab King are also the ones that run Babylon Market on Speedway.

Oh. I see. It's all starting to coming together now.

With that in mind we decidedly ordered up a good amount of stuff to sample so here is what we thought.

Small shawerma, big flavor

We liked the fact that you can choose a size shawerma that you want; small, regular or jumbo. Seeing as we got a decent allotment of what they offer, and that we hadn't had their food yet, we went for a small shawerma.

Even for it being 'small' it was pretty hefty. It was about street cart burrito sized and it made us wounder what the 'jumbo' option looks like. Next time.

The flavor and textures were there. It was a pretty classic shawerma, nice and mellow with spice while nestled with fresh tomatoes and lettuce. I was totally happy with this.

The tzatziki was good too; cool and creamy with a distinct cucumber and lemony bite. So far we could see how this colorful stand in a busy food court could hold down a 4-5 star rating.

But why weren't there more patrons? It was high lunchtime and folks were queued up for sloppy fast food and greasy "Asian" fare.

Huh.

Get those olives offa my salad!

Our salads were really good as well. All of the components, lettuce, red onion, crispy pita bits, cucumber, feta cheese, was bright and flavorful. The only thing that threw us off was the dressing.

It was really olive-y.

And that is something we can't get behind: Olives. Blecch.

I personally can't stand them and if you have been keeping up with this blog you know this. Unfortunately on almost everything we ordered there were olives. Just be warned: For those that despise the lil briny dingleberries of Satan just say "No!" when you come to visit Kebab King. We didn't know.

Now we know.

The dressing was just a little too overpowering for us and that is the only complaint you will hear.

Otherwise, yep...good stuff.

The hummus was amazing...except for that olive!

Outside of the salad being a bit disappointing, the hummus made up for any shortcomings because of our disdain for olives. Yes, there was an olive perched proud right in the middle but it was easily removed and flung towards Forever 21.

Maybe a little heavy-handed with the olive oil (we like olive oil just not olives...go figure) but otherwise it was perfect. Silky, great use on simple spices, tahini and a good amount of garlic. This made me want to drive over to Babylon and purchase a bin of this stuff. A bin!

The pita was a great accomplice. Warm, fluffy on the inside with a tight grill on the exterior. We couldn't get enough.

As mopey shoppers shuffled by pushing strollers under florescent mall lights, we danced and delighted with our lunchtime win. Our smiles probably threw some of them off but we didn't care.

We were digging into the food at Kebab King and were really digging what they were doing.

Finally we dove into some signature plate dishes. We opted for a chicken shish tikka and a gyro platter. Once again, we got the 'regular' size and were stunned how generous they were.

The basmati saffron rice was awesome, very flavorful and toothsome. It went really well with the hearty cuts of meat that were just brimming with flavor. Luckily our plates came with more hummus. Yay! With a side of fresh vegetables that had just a slight dribble of herby oil and vinegar we were stoked to get acquainted with the Kebab King.

It's a good amount of food for not a lot of bread. We left full and elated and maybe spent around $30 for all of it. We will definitely be back and for me I go to the mall every now and then to get some new Vans so when I do I'm gonna sample more wares from the King.

All hail!

Now we can see why this place has such good ratings. But they need more customers.

It's up to you Tucson.

See you there...

Everything was so good but the olive? Yeah...no.

Eating, Typing and Camera
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
I'm in a mall!, Early Summer 2017

Metal Influence:

CARNIVORE

"Retaliation"

Feeling At Home In The Shish Kebab House

Believe it or not it actually gets cold here in Tucson.

No, really.

The weather stream here in the Sonoran southwest can be pretty extreme. Like just a month ago we were in the 100s then, boom!, before you know it we are wearing jackets and turning on the heat at night. It can really be that quick of a temperature change. Where once our garden was suffering because of the beating heat and intense stare from the sun, a few weeks later we have to cover up the plants because of a freeze warning. It's pretty crazy.

It can even snow in Tucson.

No, really.

One of the first winters here since moving from California it actually snowed a bit in midtown Tucson and we made tiny snow people in the courtyard of our home with our then neighbors. That was like ten years ago and its has only flurried a few times since then. But, still!

It snowed.

Not that this day that we are blogging about now was anywhere near a wintery wonderland but...well, it was a lil' chilly.

So, there's that.

Come on in

The temperature of this particular day was probably somewhere in the high 50s or low 60s but because of the piercing wind it felt much colder than that. Plus it was really overcast. The usual blue sky was blanketed in a thick gray screen which doesn't happen a lot here. Late autumn/early winter was definitely upon us in the Old Pueblo and we needed to warm up a bit.

Finding ourselves near the Park Place mall on Broadway (for no real particular reason, we were just there, not shopping just...there) we took to our phones to see what we could find lunch wise that didn't come in food court form or some mega chain glop. Luckily we hit pay dirt.

Tasty tasty pay dirt.

Can we have some salad with our feta please?

The Shish Kebab House is a place we have been meaning to try out for quite some time and fortune smiled on us seeing as we are rarely in that neck of the woods. Craving some hearty grub and a spot to chill out in away from the chill, we walked into the little restaurant in a strip mall bookended by pizza joints to see what we could see. And eat. That was the most important part.

We were really hungry. Hopefully Shish Kebab House would not disappoint.

Happily, it totally did not.

Kafta Be Seyneyiah be amazing

Hate to use this word but, The Shish Kebab House is cute. Its cute! Just a few tables lining the length of the place with a bar prominent in the entrance, with a look and feel of an Arabic cafe, we took a seat near the window so we could stare out at the midafternoon gloom and gawk at people entering a pizza colossus with a roller coaster inside as we dined.

Wait. Did we make the wrong decision? Pizza AND a roller coaster? Oh man, we should really...

Oh. Nevermind. There's a kid's party going on and dads in golf shirts are hitting the Bud Lite pretty hard.

No, we're good. We're happy here.

Whew...that was a close one.

Gyros about to go down

We got the gyro platter, some salads and something called kafta be seyneyiah which is a Jordanian dish made with beef, lamb, potatoes and tomatoes. Sure. let's give it a whirl.

Yeah. It was incredible.

First off, the plates are huge. Not just the plates, but the food atop them. Heaping mounds of delicious seasoned meat, steaming and sizzling among the holiday shoppers wrapped up like Eskimos...but with cargo shorts. All of it succulent and divine.

We really wanted to try a traditional dish from Jordan called oozie (mainly because its called oozie) but we weren't in the mood for pine nuts which that recipe calls for. Made with rice, peas, lamb, beef, chicken, ton of spices and, yes, pine nuts this dish is ginormous and we will definitely try it next time we are here.

Just not a fan of pine nuts. Eh. What are you gonna do?

Shish Kebab House also house makes their humus, falafel and offer a zatar pizza that we are sure will rival their neighbors. All the patrons in the place were silent yet happy, eating and thriving on the savory goodness of very generous portions. The service was friendly, the music was lively and mercifully muted and we left with full bellies and a lot of leftovers.

This is a place everyone should try. Plus there are a lot of vegetarian options so you can bring your picky yet conscious minded friends with you. The flavors and use of spices and ingredients were supple and well honed. The dressing for the salads were herby, bright and fresh over crispy greens and seasonal tomatoes. The meats were cooked to perfection and warmed us from the inside because once we got back outside we needed that Mediterranean influenced heat.

At first you might be put off by some of the prices (you will average about $10-15 per plate) but believe us it is well worth it. We had Shish Kebab House food for lunch and dinner and, yes, we could have had it for breakfast too.

So when you find yourself by the Park Place mall and want an incredible and very satisfying meal, do yourself a favor and avoid all of the corporate crap that tends to bottom feed near shopping areas and step inside Shish Kebab House. Even if it's not cold out it'll wrap you up in a warm pita blanket and give you visions of cous cous dancing in your heads.

Give Santa a shawarma to eat instead of some crappy cookies and milk. He deserves it even though he forgot to bring you at new iPhone thingy you wanted. Maybe next Xmas he will make all of your wishes come true, all because of the power of Shish Kebab House magnificence.

Gyro bless us, feta one...

You need the Shish Kebab House in your life right now

Camera, Typing and Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Early-ish December, 2016

Metal Influence:

PELICAN

"The Fire In Our Throats Will Beckon The Thaw"

The Tucson Homekillet celebrates the 2015 Greek Fest!

I've lived in Tucson now for a better part of a decade and only one of those years did we miss the annual Greek Festival at St. Demetrios church on Ft. Lowell and Mountain. And why did we miss that one year? Because everyone had to miss it. There was a huge fire in 2013 from their chapel (a candle fell over and it went up in seconds) destroying a good portion of the art and charring the inside to a deep coal black. It was really sad. In fact, the area was condemned and we couldn't even go near the place. Sucked. 

Luckily the Greek Fest was back up the next year and for that we owe a big gratitude to supporters and volunteers that made it happen. 

See, for us, the Greek Fest means the end of summer (and living in the Sonoran desert, this is a good thing), the onset of the holidays and the one time we get to suck down Ouzo in mass quantities. It also means a time to eat until the wrinkles in your toga are worked out. So many amazing Greek cuisine options to choose from and the 2015 festival was one of the best. 

I'm not going to bore you with a big story, or an interview, because if you've been to the Greek Fest you know what goes on there. So I'm just going to let a few pictures I took tell the story here. 

And thanks to the nice people that let me get behind the scenes and take photos. You guys rock and the lamb shank was crazy delicious. 

Enjoy...

A beautiful afternoon for a Greek Fest!

First things first though...

Ouzo and Mythos, once a year I can handle this stuff...

OPA! Flaming cheese better known as saganaki. So good.

This picture doesn't do the sizzling awesomeness that is saganaki...

Always a crowd, always packed...

Frying up some loukoumades...

Think of a very light donut hole dipped in honey. Yum.

Working that line, keep the plates moving...

Souvlaki about to go down!

Like heaven on a stick...

They go fast though...

Another satisfied customer.

Acres of delicious sweets.

All you need is a comfy chair, some coffee and you're set.

Dancers getting down on the main stage...

Some young volunteers cooling off by the ice troughs of soda and water.

Gotta keep moving because the line never lets up...

Plating up pure amazingness...

Pitas pitas everywhere!

Grill 'em all! Jump in the fire!

Spanakopita all day man...

This guy is about to go for it...

Day before the eclipse, a huge moon looms over the festival...

Had a blast. See you next year!

Camera and Typing
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Late September, 2015


Metal Influence:

Warrant

"Heaven"

(Ok...not exactly "Metal" but...you get the idea. Thanks...)

Consuming More Garbage Food For Your Pleasure: Wacky Potato Chips and a Sandwich Stuffed with Uninspired Hatred

That's right. The Tucson Homeskillet crew is back in action and this time we ate a crap load of crap. Again. It's what we do. For your entertainment. And to feed our ridiculous cravings for even more ridiculous flavors that the corporate juggernaut keeps sending our way, we went full throttle this time. Four crazy potato chip flavors that only a drugged out Tourettes victim might imply as "tasty" and a sandwich that I know one did create.  I mean...who thinks up stuff like this? The question is, why do they keep doing stuff like this? 

Remember the 90s? Yeah. Well ,back then, due to the incline and demise of the fated "grunge" era, things were all about being extreme. Cartoons were more nutty and extreme, music, of course, was becoming splintered and extreme, but what I noticed most was the flavors, ideas and presentation of food was becoming the buzzword of the moment...extreme! Dips, tacos, hoagies, flan, coffee drinks and all things fast and junk food suddenly went 'extreme'. What did this mean? Not too sure. I was too busy trying to navigate random "dot com" jobs and discovering, well, extreme doom metal. But the label was everywhere. Thing is, when you purchased a bag of extreme Doritos, you were wont to find that it just had more of that infernal yet highly addictive nacho dust sprinkled on every triangle. Big deal? Does adding a tad more mulch on already crap munchables make it extreme? Screw you crazy corporate food wizard, locked in your tower of decadence filled with heavy pharmaceuticals and pots roiling with your infused power of giggling hate and crotch salt! You don't scare us. Not now....not ever. 

That it...until right now now. 

Lately the powers that be have thrust upon the shivering masses a line of potato chips so vile and bizarre that only we of the Tucson Homeskillet stomach pumpage can endure and appreciate...well, that and thousands of others out there that have Tweeted, Instagramed, Snapchatted and all around asked people "Dude, have you tried this?" about such edible nonsense. So we had a taste test recently and here are the results. 

Here's the thing. Because this one went a little long and beyond the stretch of our normal "just one item, like a foul burrito or horrifying pizza", I had to call upon the power of uncle James Hetfield (he's not really my uncle, he's just been around so long and that title has just stuck throughout the years....you understand) and the power of his infamous "YEAHs!" to aid in letting you know how we felt about the products. You get the picture, yeah? 

Okay. Here we go.

For those about to snack, we salute you.

We lined up the bags for all to try and discern with these four new and utterly fantastic/why God why? flavors: Biscuits and Gravy, Reuben Sandwich, Truffle Fries and Gyro. 

If you've kept up at all with what Lays potato chips have been up to, recently they have had 'contests' of who can come up with the craziest flavor profile and the winners will get their harrowing creations somehow made and produced.  Thing is how...HOW can the crazy corporate wizard recreate such flavors as a Reuben sandwich? Or Truffle fries? Truffle fries!? C'mon man. Sure, there are endless memes out there with folks making up their own un-doable flavors such as Benedict Cumberbatch, Tears of my Enemies (extra salty), Virginity and Everybody Forgot My Birthday, but these four bags are filled with straight up mystical science gone freaky pothead and we couldn't wait to actually see, and taste, what they were all about. 

First up, was this one:

Yeah. Let's do this. 

So on the first bite of this particular chip we got a strong sausage flavor and a weird creamy character right away. The follow up was a distinct buttery biscuit note that drove me back to long road trips traveling through the South and stopping in small diners to soak up the previous night's excesses. Strangely enough, I liked this chip. Because of the memory of early morning breakfasts in  small truck stops somewhere in Louisiana, the biscuits and gravy flavor made the top of the list. Some didn't like it...heck some even grimaced and spat when they put the crispy weirdness in their mouth. For me though, I kind of liked the combination of breakfast food meets late night snack while watching an endless parade of "Archer" episodes flavor combo. 

Still, how is this accomplished? How did the flavors of sausage and gravy get followed up by  a homemade biscuit? It freaked me out a little. No. A lot. Still. To this day.

Regardless, it was pretty tasty. 

With that, uncle James gives the biscuits and gravy potato chip a regaling:  

Next, came the Reuben:

As a certified deli fanatic and a worshiper of all things pastrami, I was really curious/horrified about trying this one out. The first bite was subtle; I didn't really get any "meat" taste until a few chews later. But then, ba-jango!, there it was. Not a huge cured deli meat sensation but there was a distinct hook of one. Whoa.

Then the real head scratching moment hit when I began to get hints of thousand island dressing. Holy Diver! How is this done?  Because of the Reuben flavored chip idea, I really wanted to be in the flavor lab to see what torturous combination of dusts, chemicals and fairy dung it took to make this happen. 

The Reuben chips, for me anyway, weren't as good as the Biscuits and Gravy (although most seemed to like this one better but...this is my food website so what I say goes!) but I did like it. 

Good thing I didn't get any twinges of sauerkraut because if you know me, you know how much I hate sauerkraut. Blecch. Like crappy cabbage gone bad from sitting in the toilet too long then you want to throw that junk on my sandwich? Aww, heeeeeeellz no. 

Anyway, with the help of ol' J. Hetfield, the Tucson Homeskillet gives the Reuben chips a hearty:

Third on the list was this business:

Now, I can dig on the notion of just straight truffles, but the addition of fries kinda threw me for a curve. Well, now that I think about it, I suppose the flavor of "truffle" on a potato chip is close enough to fries so... Wait, now I'm confused. Why not just call it truffle? But didn't I already ask that just a second ago? Am I saying this out loud? Jeeze. This has gone nowhere fast.

And what makes this "west coast"? Is this some kind of gang thing or is this chip supposed to induce images of beachfront frolic while afterwards your stuck on the I-10 for an hour when your exit is right there! It's right there! I can see it! Is that it? 

Don't know.

These chips were thicker and had the "wavy" thing going on, meaning they were, well...wavy. Anyway, I popped one in my mouth and crunched down. Immediately I was subjected to a distinct dirt flavor. Not like earthy and "truffle-y" sort of essence, but straight up dirt. Like I had dropped this chip in some soil, sort of brushed it off and then ate it. Right after the dirt came the fries. Sure, I was eating a fried potato product already so the idea of fries might almost come from just the suggestion that it might have fry extract but....no. I got fry flavor full frontal. It was traumatic. First dirt, then fry. Those wily alchemical sorcerers locked in their sick laboratory have somehow created a mess of dried mud followed by America's favorite side dish gone snack chip. At this point, I was sort of getting over it all and I wasn't a big fan of this combo of flavors. 

Because of the dirt notes and soggy fry twinge, uncle James is giving the Truffle Fries chips a shrugging:

And, finally, the last in line was this shuttering number:

(Note: I just noticed I have quoted RJ Dio twice in this piece but am using James Hatfield as my rating avatar. Hmm. It's late and these chemicals are staring to get to me...)

Okay. Gyro huh? So who is this James Wagner that suggested a meat slabbed Mediterranean sandwich for a grand idea of a potato chip? Maybe he is one of the federated necromancers chained to a stove and lab table lined with bubbling beakers who create such malformed snack intentions, high on PCP and watching endless loops of Teletubbies reruns. 

Perhaps. Because after the first bite of this one all I could taste was sour meat. It was pretty gross. Then, just like the first three, there was a subtle second flavor. This one wasn't as bad as fetid spit beef because it had hints of dill and cucumber; a twisted take on tzatziki of sorts. By this stage my mouth was contorting from the artificial roller coaster ride of  flavor devilry and the gyro taste just made me grouchy. Just to be sure, I took a second chip to keep fact that the suckage on this particular idea was clear and present. 

Yup. Balls. It tasted like noxious dead caveman balls. 

So, to salute the craptastic aura of repulsive gyro potato chips, my man James only has this to say:

Are we done here? Are we done with the potato chip taste off? Okay...good.

Wavy does not always equal "good"...

Here's the rub though. Yeah we were done with the four horsemen (Okay...I got a Metallica quote in here, now it sort of makes sense with Hetfield right? Yeah...didn't think so) of the potato chip apocalypse but we still had one more disastrous "food" idea to deal with. 

This time it didn't come in chip form, this one was served between bread and came courtesy of Eegees. 

We here in the 520 know all about Eegees. Its a local chain famous for their delicious icy treats that are a welcome breeze when it gets well into the 100s here. They also serve sandwiches, hot dogs, pretzels and, my personal favorite, loaded crinkle fries. Believe me, much much better than the truffle fries variety noted above. The loaded fries are greasy, drippy, stupid, bad for you but so so good late at night after a bender of 40 oz liquor swiggin' to fuel you up for further punishment and hopefully a nap. 

Not only does Eegees offer up a monthly flavor for their shaved ice refreshments but also a "limited time only" for some of their food items. This time around, they concocted something so ridiculous sounding that the Homeskillet taste testers just had to get a hold of it and see what all the commotion was about.

We give you...the flamin' hot Cheetos chicken sandwich:

Yup. You can just see the middle finger in that sub roll...

Umm...yeah. Why not? A chicken sandwich topped with flamin' hot Cheetos. There has to be something to this right? There has to be an angle. You can't just fill a sandwich full of spicy cheese droppings and call it a "special"? Can you?

What Eegees promises with their "Flamin' Hot Chicken Sub" is this: Chicken breast served between a sub roll, paired with bacon, jalapeno cream cheese, buffalo ranch, your choice of cheese and stuffed with the flamin' hot variety of Cheetos. It sounded so nauseating that we just had to do it. 

Here is what we got:

Note: actual size of terror

Eegees delivered on their promise of chicken, tangy ranch, jalapeno cream cheese, (we picked) provolone and the Cheetos but...the question is why? WHY are flamin' hot Cheetos on this sandwich? The spicy ranch and peppery cream cheese alone was fine, I guess, but to add red hot Cheetos as well? I didn't get it. 

The first bite was like all of the others that followed: it was a chicken sandwich topped with flamin' hot Cheetos. They added nothing, nothing!, to the sandwich other than the fact that the poor thing was rammed tight with frikkin' spicy Cheetos. What, did the Eegees CEO (probably one of those culinary drug slob prestidigitarians I keep mentioning) just approach Jeff, a stoned and zitty cashier, one day and go "Hey man, we need a new idea for a sandwich. Any ideas?" 

At this point, Jeff, who was daydreaming about being the third member of the Insane Clown Posse, just started word vomiting some of his favorite things to "cold munch on" when he is higher than Jesus on planet Helium.

"Uh. Um," he probably drooled. "Chicken. Ranch. Cheese. And, uh...those flamin' hot Cheetos. Yeah. Can I take my break now?"

This sandwich made no sense because it made perfect sense. Not too sure what we were expecting, but when Chester Cheetah takes a big dump on a chicken sandwich after a night of consuming habanero poppers stuffed with demon squirt this is exactly what it tastes like. Mournful, salty, strangely addictive and downright spite loaded, the flamin' hot Cheetos chicken sandwich is lucky to be just a limited time offer. Because if this thing were to be a permanent menu item, Tucson would suddenly explode into a grizzly sea of hate mongering sandwich zombies and begin to shove hot coals up our rectums just so we could "feel something" due to the emotional soul suck that this death hoagie bestowed upon the masses. Just say no here kids!

Thank you Eegees. I'll send you the bill for our therapy and bathroom tissue stock pile that we're gonna need after eating that glob tube of harassment. 

You're welcome.

Like gazing into the depths of Hades if it were sponsored by Frito-Lay...

And so, on that note, which ended on a rather bad one, all we at the Tucson Homeskillet, along with grandpappy Jimmy here, have to say about the Flamin' Hot Chicken sandwich is a simple and expected old school salute:

Cheers!


Camera and Typing
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Mid August, 2015


Metal Influence
Metallica, "Jump In The Fire"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ll1-yV8YSw