And The Award Should Have Gone To...

We can't say how honored and proud we are that Metal Mark is contributing to the publication that puts out the Best Of Tucson every year. He is having a lot of fun and thanks for reading his stuff.

Okay, enough of the pleasantries...let's get down to the brass tacks here.

Every year the Best Of's come out and every year we go "No! Are you kidding? That place over the other one? Come on Tucson. You're killing us Smalls..."

Thing is, the publication has very little to do with the choices. It's the good people of Tucson that do most of the voting. So this is on you T-town. You brought this on yourself. 

While most of the arts and entertainment, kid's stuff, home and garden winners we are fine with but when it comes to the food part we always slap our collective foreheads with disinclination and slight horror at some of the choices that run away with the trophies. Sure, a good portion of the winners and runners up are great but there are always a few that we can't get on board with. It's as if the polls went out in the late 90s and never got changed.

So this year we are going to do our own Best Of and we hope you can agree with some of the things we agree on.

Agreed?

Lets do this.


PS: We are not in the business of pissing anybody off; this is purely for entertainment and just our own dopey opinions...that's all. So apologies to anyone that gets mussed up about our preferences. Cheers.
 


Best Delicatessen
Their pick: Dickman's Meat and Deli
Tucson Homeskillet's pick: The Sausage Shop
 

C'mon man. The Sausage Shop wasn't even mentioned. This place rules.

Dickman's is cool but in our humble food opinion the little deli that could, that being the Sausage Shop, just plain dominates.

The bajillion different styles of sandwiches are all amazing, their meat counter selection is incredible and if you bag a deer or accidentally run over a bear just bring that beast in and they will break it down for you for an agreeable fee. No really. These guys know their meat and in such a small space they do the deli game a big favor.

Anyway, not to dis on Dickman's but if you haven't been to the Sausage Shop please do yourself a favor and do so. It might change your mind to switch your vote for Best Delicatessen next year. It might.

Just sayin...

Gaze upon the glory that is the Sausage Shop

 Best Place To Get A Sandwich
Their pick: Beyond Bread
Tucson Homeskillet's pick: Sausage Deli
 

Okay, we didn't want to dote on the Sausage Shop too much but we will drool over the Sausage Deli for a bit.

It looks as if we just love sausage...don't we?

Beyond Bread is great but we went for a single stand alone place for our sandwich spot pick. The Sausage Deli is awesome, they have a fun bar with a great craft beer selection and the layout is more cafeteria style than an open forum of scattered tables. The Sausage Deli just has this East coast 'get in here, get your sandwich, eat it then get on with your life' feel to it, which we like.

If you want to laze about and sip coffee and click on your laptop for hours then, yeah, Beyond Bread is totally made for that. And the sandwiches there are good...we just like the Sausage Shop's sandwiches a bit more though.

Which brings us to the next category:

Best Sandwich
Their pick: The Cheesesteak at Frankie's
Tucson Homeskillet's pick: The Omar from Sausage Deli
 

Here's the thing: We frikkin LOVE Frankie's. It is one of our neighborhood go-to places for a cheesesteak sandwich but, here's the thing...you can get a cheesesteak at a lot of places. Not as good as Frankie's most likely, but if you go to Philly they are all over the place.

But the Omar? That is a Sausage Deli original.

It sounds pretty basic when you break it down: Turkey, salami, Swiss cheese with bell peppers, onions, pepperoncinis, mustard and house Italian dressing on an onion roll (we prefer the sub style though), but when you eat it the Omar takes on a whole new sandwich dimension.

We love the Omar so much that we even did an ode to it a while ago. Remember that one? We sure did.

The Omar didn't even place this year and that is a weird and crying shame.

Go to the Sausage Deli, get an Omar, vote for it next year and we can all live in some kind of syncopated serenity all thanks to a sandwich.

It can be done!


Best Greek Food
Their pick: Opa!
Tucson Homeskillet's pick: Either Pappoule's or Greek House

Opa! is awesome. We know the family that runs it, its near the compound, its always a delight....nothing bad to say about Opa!.

But have you had the gyros at Pappoule's? Yeah, pretty righteous and apparently very authentic. When we are in that neighborhood we always make a plan to grab some Pappoule's to go. It has yet to disappoint. See, a true Greek gyro should have very little on it, especially no lettuce, and a lot of Greek restaurants insist on putting a bunch of crap on your gyro. Just give us the gyro bro! Hold the stupid lettuce! Hold it between your knees!

Pappoule's didn't even place for Best Of and we just wanted to shed some light about their food, which is great and as close to the real deal as you can get.

Next up is going to be the fairly new Greek House restaurant. It wont be long until that starts winning some votes. Watch. You watch.

Yeah.

Best Vegetarian Restaurant
Their pick: Lovin' Spoonfuls 
Tucson Homeskillet's pick: Renee's Organic Oven
 

With the expanding culinary scene here in Tucson the choices for vegetarian and vegan establishments continues to grow and grow. We bet by next year there will be another good dozen or so places to get non-meaty, non-animal based dishes to satisfy your belly and conscience.

Unfortunately Lovin' Spoonfuls always wins Best Vegetarian because a lot of folks just think that's the only option in town.

Its not. By a long shot.

We personally love Renee's Organic Oven. Their Italian inspired items that can be gluten free if you need  are really tasty and fresh. Their black bean hummus that goes with a lot of dishes is innovative and a bit tangy. You just need to get out there and try for yourself. It's a little place on Sabino Canyon and Tanque Verde so it might be slightly out of the way for some of you (as it is for us) but it is well worth the trip.

Plus Renee is really cool and she's there a good amount of time so, there's that.

Best Salsa
Their pick: Guadalajara Grill
Tucson Homeskillet's pick: Rosa's Mexican Food
 

Okay, Guadalajara always wins Best Salsa because they make it fresh right there at your table and, yes, it's pretty darn good.

But, c'mon now...the house salsa at Rosa's is the best thing ever.

It is spicy, it is flavorful and best of all it is garlic-tastic. Every time we have even have a hint of a cold we b-line it to Rosa's and order up something hot and steamy then smother it with their salsa. It is a cure all and we're sure it is what keeps us looking good and smelling even better.

It's the garlic.

Rosa's salsa is just necessary and a Tucson treasure.

But they wont make it table side because then you'd find out what their secret ingredients are.

We know what one ingredient is.

Yeah. Its the garlic. We just said that.

Weren't you reading?

Gosh.

Rosa's salsa = Yum

Best Breakfast
Their pick: Blue Willow

Best Brunch
Their pick: Prep and Pastry

Tucson Homeskillet's pick for both: Baja Cafe

Blue Willow is great for when the folks are in town. Its that kind of a spot. Its good but its not blow your socks off great. It's fun and clean. Your parents like that.

Prep & Pastry continues to dazzle but we feel they are a bit heavy with the pork belly. We like pork belly its just that...you know. In moderation.

Then you have the plethora of other options that are always a delight: Bobo's, Frank's, Mother Hubbard's, Robert's, etc, that we love and will always love but there is one (well two now) place that we just can't get enough of.

Baja Cafe just slays for breakfast and brunch. The benedicts are really hearty and fanciful, the pancakes are incredible and everything else is just plain awesome. The thing is is that Baja only serves breakfast and lunch and closes at 2pm, so you gotta get there early. And we highly suggest getting there a bit early. The place fills up fast.

A word of warning: Don't go on Sundays unless you wanna wait an hour for a table! No, for real, both locations are packed on Sundays so we are there most days but. Unless you like waiting a while for eggs and corned beef.

Well, it is worth it so...its up to you.

Plus Baja has a full bar too. Did we mention that? Well now we did.

Put another gold star by their name for that addition.

So good.

Yep, these are one of the benedicts. Yep, they are amazing.

Best Sushi
Their pick: Sushi Garden
Tucson Homeskillet's pick: Anywhere but...
 

The Beardown Roll at K Sushi

Sushi Garden? Really Tucson? Really?

Look, maybe at one point long ago the Garden was the spot for raw fish wrapped in seaweed and covered in rice but the sushi game in the T-dizzle has changed son.

Changed!

At this point Sushi Garden is a sports bar that serves Japanese "inspired" meals but it is far from being the best sushi in town.

Far!

Sorry to harp on the place, we don't mean any disrespect, but places like Kazoku, Sushi Ten, Samurai, Shogun, K Japanese, Ikkyu, Obon and so on and so on literally destroy the factory like flavor at Sushi Garden. You kids need to get out there and sushi explore for yourself. This one just feels as if you looked on your ballot from the last ten years and went "Oh, yeah, that place. It's fine."

Which it is. Sushi Garden is fine. Good bar, comfy patio, decent lunch buffet, all that, but the wizard-like ingeniousness that is coming from tucked away locations by chefs that have honed their craft and continue to push the flavor envelope further and further is what we are focusing on here. Just awesome family run businesses that are serving up amazing food.

It's up to you Tucson! Now get out there and get you some sushi. Some real sushi.

Do it!

The Passion Roll at Kazoku

Best Neighborhood Bar
Their pick: Tap and Bottle
Tucson Homeskillet's pick: Danny's Baboquivari Lounge
 

Tap and Bottle is awesome. But here's the thing:

It is not a "bar" and it is not located in a real "neighborhood".

This win just feels like people just see the name of the place in the paper and went "Oh yeah. They serve beer. That's a bar. Whee!"

Yeah. No.

A real neighborhood bar is in a real neighborhood and the corner of 6th Avenue and 7th Street isn't exactly a "neighborhood", its more of a destination when you are shopping and eating up on 4th or getting some supplies at Miller's across the street. Not a lot of homes in the vicinity.

And a "bar" serves liquor and mixed drinks as well. Tap and Bottle is just craft beer and select wine service, so it can't be officially labeled as a bar. See where we're getting at here?

Our vote, as usual, goes to Danny's Baboquivari Lounge; a real bar in a real neighborhood.

Danny's placed for Best Dive Bar this year but it is far from a dive. It's cozy, relatively safe, great staff, good beer selection, honest drinks and above all it is in a neighborhood. Yes. There are homes surrounding the place, there are regulars, heck...WE are regulars. We're at Danny's like 4 to 5 times a week. We love this place.

And we also love that Danny's won Best Jukebox in Tucson. Anything that holds old school Metallica, 70s yacht rock and classic hip-hop we are so down with.

So on any given night (not too late because we're old and have to get up early) you might find the Homeskillet crew nestled at the bar with some of our good friends and, yes, neighbors, enjoying a stiff drink and eating from some of the diverse food trucks they get on a regular basis.

Cheers on that!

That would be Metal Mark on the far right with some pals at Danny's

Best Beer Selection
Their pick: Tap and Bottle (again)
Tucson Homeskillet's pick: Old Chicago 

Yes, Tap and Bottle gets some really amazing craft and small cask beers. Yes. On any given day you can drink from around the world or just up the street. They get some fantastic brews and we applaud them for that.

So does the Tucson Hop Shop. And we love them as well.

But check this out. None of the local places has a selection of 110 beers at any given moment. That's one hundred and ten...beers! For that you're going to need some corporate backing and Old Chicago on Campbell Avenue has that.

Sorry, we know you are reading this and sticking your nose up at a fairly large chain concept, but Old Chicago is about as un-corporate-y as you can get and their selection of beers is astounding.

Why we pick them over, say, the Yard House or something like that is because the people that work there love what they do and do a darn fine job getting some hard to reach beers and near impossible ales from around the globe. With their World Beer Tour (which we have tried and failed at...now that's a lot of beer!) you can even earn rewards like free food just because you love drinking beer. Drink beer, get free stuff. Done.

Look, please please support local businesses such as Tap and Bottle and the Hop Shop but don't forget to sneak into Old Chicago to see what's new on the board. You'd be surprised.

We always are.

Which brings us to our final category and pick:


Best Bartender
Their pick: Barbacide Trujillo (Club Congress)
Tucson Homeskillet's pick: Sherra Stewart (Old Chicago)

Now here is where things might get sticky, and we apologize in advance:

Barb Trujillo is awesome. We love her, she is a Tucson tradition and institution and we have nothing bad to say and will never have anything bad to say about her. This isn't personal. At all. 

Thing is...there are other amazing bartenders out there. 

Jana at Danny's, running around like a crazy squirrel (even now when she's super pregnant) is one of the best ever, or Kimmy or Jerica...we just love everyone at Danny's. We're a bit biased. 

But we pick Sherra Stewart at Old Chicago because she is able to create relationships and be creative within a "corporate" environment and it shows that she really enjoys and loves what she does. 

Sherra's influence gets us regular barrel taps from local and international breweries, she cooks food for events and kickoff parties, she travels around the US training other Old Chicago bartenders to try and be as awesome as her (wont happen, she is too awesome), she invented her own spicy Bloody Mary mix that got her front page recognition, she has a loyal fan base, she's funny, she's brash and she always has a big smile on her face. 

And she has been there for over 12 years now. That's a dedication in which we can support and we totally love.

What we are trying to say here without making anyone upset or burning bridges is that there seems to be a pattern with the Best Ofs year after year. Changes are rare it appears with the winners and runners up and with us scooting around town trying new and different restaurants and bars, we come across so many amazing servers, dishes, chefs, bartenders and the like and it'd be nice to see some diversity. That's all. Tucson is just chock full of awesomeness and we just wanted to give some recognition to some of the good people, and food, and drinks, that we personally love and admire and we hope you will visit them sometime soon to see, and vote, for yourself. 

That's all.

We cool?

Hope so.
 

Sherra and her award winning Bloody Mary...so spicy and good

And another thing!

Nico's was voted Best Burrito in Tucson. Umm...not too sure about this one. There are just far too many options out there right now that destroy Nico's (although we do love us a Pollo Asado now and then) so this one felt like it was phoned in. You need to get out there for yourself to see, and eat, all of the incredible burrito options this city has to offer. 

We prefer Sher-E-Punjab over Saffron for Indian food. But that's just us. 

Still waiting on some real down home, kick butt BBQ. Red's is doing well as are a few small food trucks but the continual winner in this category has never impressed us. Sorry, just saying.  

We really like what the kids over at Pueblo Vida Brewing are doing with seasonal ales and lagers. The winner and finalists in the Best Brewery are fine but we just have a taste for Pueblo Vida. 

Don Guerra of Barrio Bread makes the best bread in the universe. He came in second...sorry but wrong. Our man shuts down any bread making business but thanks for trying. 

Not too sure if Serial Grillers is even doing a food truck anymore now that they are opening up a second brick and mortar. So our vote will go to American Flying Buffalo where chef Eddie takes you on a culinary ride  through Asia, the south Bronx, the deep south and, of course, the Old Pueblo. Really good stuff. 

But we are totally stoked that Yoshimatsu got best Japanese and Boca Tacos Y Tequila got, yes, best tacos. So cheers on that.

Okay, enough ranting. 

Let's do this again next year shall we? See you then...

Uploads, Typing and Opinions:

"Metal" Mark Whittaker

A Few Days Before Election Day, 2016

Metal Influence:

ANNIHILATOR

"King of the Kill"

  

"We Are In This Business To Make People Happy"

Campbell Avenue was a parking lot that day.

For some reason, the few blocks around the U of A were jammed packed with automobiles sitting there, not moving, just watching the traffic lights turn from green, to yellow, to red and repeat. Checking our phone to see if there was a game going on; there wasn't. Switching the radio to see if there was an accident in that area; there wasn't. So what gives? Why is there gridlock traffic on a Wednesday afternoon? We're expected somewhere!

The worst part though? We were hungry.

Knowing that we were going to hang out with the good people of Roma Imports, we wanted to bring our appetites with us. This is not a tough notion seeing as we are always bringing our appetites no matter where we go. But on this day? Forget it. Just some fruit in the morning only made us rather dizzy with our ravenous craving for their sandwiches, pasta dishes, pizzas and....oh man.

Why aren't we moving?

Plus we were late. We told them that we would be there around 2 pm and it was well past that. And we hate to be late! Especially when food is involved.

Eventually the cars ahead of us began to move and soon we were on our way, to that near hidden gem of an Italian market and deli, tucked away in an industrial section of Tucson knowing that homemade goodness and salvation wrapped in chewy bread and stuffed with cured cold cuts and sharp cheese awaited us.

So when we saw their Italian flag waving proudly in the distance in the late afternoon breeze, we knew that everything would be alright.

We had arrived. 

We want to drown in this sea of cured meats

If you haven't been to Roma Imports, well, then...you need to get here. For fans of authentic Italian food, deli sandwiches and retail cooking needs, this is the place to come. Sure it had been a while since we stepped foot in the place but thanks to wanting to feature them in this article, we were so glad to be back.

What makes Roma Imports so special is not only the quality of its food, the friendly staff and the hard to get to kitchen items, but it has to be the location.

Nestled in the near desolate area between the South Kino and Aviation Parkway, the only real sign of its life is a tall spire displaying the Italian flag (as we mentioned before) and the collection of cars and trucks parked around it from dedicated customers and fans of Roma's delectable selection of house made pasta dishes, desserts, deli items, salads, fresh soups and, our personal favorite, the homemade sausages and sauces and, oh...all of it, so delicious.

Another factor that distinguishes Roma from other specialty delis and markets is that they have a long stretch of prepared frozen items for you to take home and cook at your leisure. You might have a favorite pizza joint to go to but you seriously need to give the hand crafted pies here a go around. Straight hot from your own oven, you might just keep making the drive to the little white bungalow of goodness when you are craving a sumptuous pizza.

We at the Tucson Homeskillet, if you have been keeping up with us, are decidedly deli obsessed and to get to one with a definite Italian spin on things just drives us a little more crazed with a food fervor. You know we love us some Roma and promised ourselves and the good folks there that we wont be such strangers and plan on coming back on a regular basis.

"You look familiar," said Koreen, who claims to not be the manager but rather the resident mirth maker.

"Yeah," said Metal Mark, "but it's been a while. Sorry."

"How about an Ultimate Roma sandwich?"

"Make it a Matt's Special and we're on!"

See, you're going to have to get here to see what we were talking about.

More pasta than you can shake a penne at

After our well needed, and amazing, sandwich, we sat down with owner Lilian Spieth to get the lowdown on her variant background and how Roma Imports, as it is known today, got to its near food cult status.

"So I was born in India and my family immigrated to Israel when I was 14," Lilian said in her small office by the front entrance as phones rang and employees clocked in and out. "I married my husband, who is German, and he was into mining so we moved a lot. We lived in England, Denmark and Scotland and then Washington state, then Colorado, then Germany then Arizona.

"When we came to Arizona I needed something to do. So this business was up for sale and I kind of thought maybe I could do this. And I had never done anything like this. I was a stay at home mom, which I had done when we moved around."

Imagine that: A woman born in India, growing up in Israel, marrying a German man who then bought an Italian food shop in Tucson, Arizona. On top of all of that, has never worked in the food industry.

Oh yeah, this is some good stuff here. Article nearly writes itself.

Love it.

International flavors galore

"It belonged to a Sicilian family," Lilian mentioned when she initially was interested in buying the original concept of Roma Imports, "but they did mainly wholesale, basically providing products to the Italian restaurants at the time. This was in the late '90's and there weren't so many providers; like some of the bigger corporate services didn't carry specialty Italian items such as they did. They sold a lot of grated cheese, pasta, tomatoes to restaurants and pizza places...but they wanted to get out.

"The owner was getting old and when they sold the business to me I decided to see if retail would work. So I started cooking and the more I cooked, well, it just took off from there. People seemed to really like it."

That is putting it mildly. Sure the shop is a bit hidden, but you should see this place at lunch. Lines out the door. Luckily we got here between the lunch and dinner rush so we were good, but, oh yeah, we've been here at prime lunch time and little Roma is packed.

And if you've had their food, you know why.

Probably best if you just get one of each

Intrigued by Lilian's very diverse upbringing and the fact that she has never worked in the service industry before she purchased Roma Imports, we just had to know how her amazing culinary rise to local acclaim came about.

"At first when I started to cook here I tried to keep the integrity of the Italian influence, because that's what it was. I didn't want to rock the boat. So I made lasagnas and baked ziti, meatballs and fresh mozzarella, so I just started to expand the Italian items first.

"Only later, when I got more comfortable with what I was doing, I wanted to see if I could challenge my customers with other things that I grew up with which is what you see on the shelves and in the counters today. Everything developed over time.

"You know when when I took over this business I never stepped foot in a commercial kitchen. I had never even owned a business before!" 

Which makes her, and her success, so awesome.

House made sausage just chillin'

Never owning a business before and not too keen on how things work in the food world, the neighborhood Roma sits on isn't exactly a bustling thoroughfare of families and casual passersby. Quite the opposite. We've been here before and we still had a bit of an issue getting there...again. But once you make it a regular routine (which we totally plan on doing) then the idea of 'turn left here, then another left' becomes common, it actually doesn't seem much like a chore at all.

In fact, it becomes a bit of a treasure hunt, which we can totally food geek out on.

"I guess I was too naive at first to think that the location was a problem," Lilian laughs when asked about her secluded locale.

"So I honestly was not aware of the challenge of the issue. I just did my own thing. But it doesn't seem to be a problem now."

When you got customers busting down your door for your food, yeah...no problem at all.

Bold and beautiful selection of cheeses

"Listening to customers was the way I expanded our business. If five people asked me for something I brought it in. It was very easy to expand," notes Lilian on the difference from the tiny space of the original concept to what we know Roma Imports today. "The store was really tiny when I first bought it. Most of the space you see today was originally used for storage for the wholesale. In fact we expanded three times, slowly moving the wall back a little bit and back a little further. Until we finally pushed it to the end.

"It was about five years that we were open when we started the sandwich station. At first I said that if I sold fifteen sandwiches a day I would be happy. And it just kind of took off."

They sell fifteen sandwiches every five minutes. C'mon now...

Shelves and shelves of absolute deliciousness 

Asking about the biggest challenge to running a food based business in Tucson, Lilian had this to say:

"I would have to say staff is the biggest challenge of running a business such as this. Its making sure you are taking care of them and making sure they stay. I am very lucky to have people that have been with me for many years but like other food related businesses, you have rotation. I try to keep the good ones because, you know, they become family."

And, the biggest reward?

"And that is also the biggest reward as well. You come here in the morning and it's like....home."

You can't eat just one, trust us...we tried

"The lasagna is one of our biggest selling items but I would have to say our porchetta sandwich is one of the most popular items," is what she had to say if there was a signature item at Roma's. "It's a slow roasted pork and it is very delicious. Pork may not be for everybody but for those that do love it, love this sandwich."

As far as future plans for her business, Lilian was pretty firm on one thing.

"Honestly," she said nodding, "stability is my goal for this place. Over the years I have been asked countless times to open a second location and I have not felt comfortable with that idea. Basically my goal is to run Roma with the same...soul, if that makes sense?"

It does.

"It has to make us happy and for my customers and me to be happy...and that is enough."

It is.

Mini pizzas, mini pizzas...get in our bellies!

For those of us that know and love this place, think of this blog post as an ode to one of our favorite markets and delis in Tucson. The food, as well as the staff, are always fantastic.

But for those that have yet to venture out to the yonder where Roma Imports reigns supreme, let this be a prompt for your upcoming culinary adventure. Take it from us, you just need to try one of each.

Of what you may ask?

All of it.

One. Of. Each.

To find out what their daily specials are, their amazing "feasts", upcoming events and all of the fun and fare happening there, you can (and must!) follow them on Facebook.

Now it is time to stop typing and to figure out what to do with all of this sausage, sauce and noodles.

Like we said...one of each.

It's a tough job, but...somebody has to do it.

Cheers!

Thank you Roma Imports!

Camera, Typing and Eating
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Middle of September, 2016

Metal Influence:

ANTHRAX

"State of Euphoria"

The Tucson Homeskillet Celebrates H-E-B, The Greatest Grocery Store In The Known (Western) Universe!

The first time I walked into an HEB supermarket I knew I had discovered something amazing.

Not too sure how to differentiate it from other large grocery stores with aisles of fresh produce, fresh baked goods, fresh deli meats, fresh everything and just being so funky fresh...but HEB has a certain quality to it that immediately grabbed me and made us feel at home.

It's like the first time I heard Black Sabbath, or bit into a real pastrami sandwich; that feeling that the Almighty has reached down, touched your heart and stomach and announced:

"This! This is where you belong!"

Yes. The HEB is where I belong.

It's where we all belong...

Picnic foods ready to go? Oh, this is only the beginning.

It was maybe 7 or 8 years ago, like 2008 or 2009 (?), when I stepped foot into the flagship store in Kerrville Texas. She-Ra and I were in town to visit her grandparents who have lived in Kerrville for many years. In fact, her grandfather's family can be traced back generations in the near sleepy Texas hill country territory as it is a hot bed for German immigrants who have set up shop there and the nearby populace of Fredricksburg making the location a go to for eastern European fare and fun.

Sure Kerrville is in Texas but it kind of doesn't feel like a real "Texas" town. If it didn't have the Texas state flag everywhere to remind us that we are in the lone star state, this quiet municipality could be along the coast of northern California or a tree lined borough skimming the eastern seaboard.

Most Texas cities to me are sprawling metropolitan conglomerates or hipster hubs, all soaked in BBQ sauce and beer (nothing wrong with that though...) and over run with ironic beards, huge hats and folks driving tucks that block out the sun they're so obnoxiously wide and jacked tall.

Kerrville is kind of the opposite of all of that. Sort of.

There are big trucks everywhere...but that's just Texas.

What are you going to do?

Never ending bins of hot wings...YAY!

But Texas is lucky. Why? Because it's mainly the only state where you can shop, admire, love, gawk at and embrace the awesomeness that is the HEB.

And I think they have no idea how lucky they are to have the HEB in their immediate zone. Do they? I sure hope so. But I don't think so.

They probably do.

Anyway, the place has just got...everything. In an unpretentious, welcoming environment, HEB stands alone in the full service, full throttle, full on fully store that entices, inspires and entrances those that walk through their doors and envelops them in a food world of edible bewitchment and flavorful retail divinity.

Or...something like that.

Oh HEB...is there anything you can't do?

No. No there really isn't...

Yes...more buffet style vittles!

"So what is this HEB you speak of?"

Well, if you're not from Texas or frequent the big ol' state where Ozzy peed on the Alamo, you may not be familiar with what HEB really is.

Here.

Let me give you a quick history lesson:

There aint nothing cheesy about fromage.

A lady by the name of Florence Butt (yes...that's the B in HEB) opened a store called the CC Butt Grocery Store, in Kerrville, back in 1905. Pretty unfortunate name right? Well, it wasn't until her youngest son, Howard Edward (yep, that would be the H.E.) took the store over in 1919 that it began to find mild success. Thing is, ol' Howard tried to expand the shop into other locations way too soon after doing so and all of them fell flat and had to close.

But in 1927 when Howie opened a store in Del Rio, Texas, his name and his franchise began to take off. Hence the HEB started to become, well...the HEB.

Now HEB has expanded into other names and trades, yet still sticking with the service and food industry, and is worth several billion dollars in stock.

Now that's just good Texas business know how if you ask me.

Yeehaw!

Fresh baked bread as far as the nose can smell.

But enough of all that "business" stuff...we don't care about that. What we really love about the HEB is, well...everything else.

First off the deli counter is one of the finest I have ever witnessed and consumed. And the deli is a big thing for me. Like big.

Always staffed with friendly and skilled workers, the selection of meats and cheeses rivals any corporate name store in any town or even some of the smaller names that I pride myself to be a regular patron of.

(Apologies to any and all delis here in Tucson that start with the word 'Sausage')

The bread comes straight from the ovens of the adjacent bakery and the extensive line of product, again, is some of the best and freshest we've had.

(Again, apologies to those local bread companies that begin with Beyond and Barrio)

But check this out: They have a full service sushi counter with a sushi chef that is right there making the rolls that he/she packages up and is ready for you to take home and devour. They have this one roll, the Firecracker Roll, that is topped with, get this, flamin' hot Cheetos. And you know what? It's delicious!

I mean...c'mon. Fantastic right?

Well...we think so.

Gosh.

No, really, there is a sushi chef making these...really.

'So what', you might be telling and shrugging to yourself. So what?

Other stores have services and product like the ones I'm mentioning at the HEB. High end shops always have chefs and sommeliers at the ready to guide you into a blissful food and wine coma.

OK, fine. HEB, at least the ones that I have visited so far, does not have a sommelier nor does it need one. HEB isn't super fancy, by any means, but it is a step, or few steps, beyond the wake of most super markets, local or global.

So why do we love the HEB so much? Hmm...

It's like trying to describe how you feel when you're at a really good concert and they are playing your favorite songs or putting a new engine into some classic car you just bought from some cruster on the side of the road who was just going to junk the darn thing or that feeling of driving that car once it's up and running and cruising along the coast as all eyes enviously watch you and your magic rig glide happily across the surface of a wind swept, ocean kissed highway.

It's like that. Kind of.

But with food and booze.

From the nearby rivers and right to your face.

The best part about the HEB is that there is usually some kind of food demonstration going on. A talented cook can be found in the round kiosk towards the center of the store, grilling up and tossing together a grand heap of featured items and seasonal fare. Not only do you get to witness such badassery, but you get to interact with the cook and then sample what they are putting together all with the idea that if this person in the floppy chef's hat wearing a microphone can do it...so can you.

By the way, this meat product is on sale and you can find the olive oil on aisle 5.

To round it all off, the kiosk is surrounded with recipe cards, all filled with easy and inventive dishes, most of which end up in our never ending and always expanding book of ingredients, techniques and cooking ideas.

Thanks HEB. That Asian inspired salmon dish was just delightful...

Texas loves them some meat...like, they love them some meat.

Here's the thing:

We need an HEB here in Tucson. Why you may ask? Because.

Because we just do.

AJ's is fine but way too pricey and a bit out of the way. Basha's is alright but would be better if it had regular food demonstrations and an area dedicated to bacon jam and locally jarred pickles (as does the HEB has). Food City is the absolute favorite of ours but the one in our neighborhood, midtown, corner of 1st Ave. and Ft. Lowell, closed down and is being primed for demolition.

You know what's being built in its stead?

A "Neighborhood" Walmart.

Yeah. You heard right.

Another stinking Walmart.

Ugh.

Local products stocked mile high.

You know what would be amazing at the corner of 1st Ave. and Ft. Lowell? That's right...

An HEB!

Sure a Neighborhood Walmart is going to do well in that spot...heck, anything at this point is a welcome addition to that scrub of a pocked marked parking lot. That old Food City has been shut down and sitting dead for over a year now and is a constant reminder of all the good times we had there from years past. It's going to be nice to see that area come back to life, even if it is at the hands of (blerf) frikkin' Walmart.

But an HEB. Oh, just imagine the possibilities! It would be glorious. Midtown would convert from a brokedown meth toilet to an upscale meth "spa". That questionable vicinity could be the new Foothills...or at least various nooks and crannies of Oro Valley. Okay, maybe some east side condo laden neighborhoods. Kinda.

But...you get the idea!

Our recipe book is packed with these things.

It is here that we start the campaign and imploring to the higher ups at the HEB:

Please come to Tucson!

No really. Texas (and certain areas in Mexico) are fine and all but none, NONE!, are a designated city of gastronomy. You know what city is the first to be honored with that distinction?

We are! Tucson!

It's too late to find a home on 1st and Ft. Lowell, but I'm sure you can find a spot, oh....anywhere else! But just be sure that you are sort of close to our neighborhood so we don't have to drive too far to get to you.

It's bad enough driving a half hour for a taco served out of a gas station. And let me tell you, that is one fine taco. But the car travel is getting silly.

So I'm sure you can find a grand location in some bulldozed central or midtown Tucson neighborhood because, believe me, you would do great here in Tucson HEB.

Sprouts? Meh. Whole Foods? So done. Trader Joes? Okay, we do like Trader Joes but...they don't sell soft shell crabs or crawdads still wriggling and pinching in the briny sea water they were caught in.

But the HEB does! Whee!

If they came to Tucson, you'd see me doing this.

So hear us out Tucson and those who make all the decisions at HEB:

Set up shop here in the Old Pueblo.

It's a win-win situation and you could use the expansion territory and we could use a HEB. Everyone could use an HEB. The world would be a better place with more HEBs.

But start here in Tucson.

Think about it HEB. Think about it.

For now you kids reading this will just have to travel to Kerrville to fully experience the majesty that is the HEB. Once you do, you'll want one in your neighborhood too.

Trust me here.

Thank you for reading this and thank you HEB. Thank you for just being you.

Did we mention that we love the HEB?

Because, well...we do.

Cheers!

The Tucson Homeskillet loves HEB!

Camera, Typing, Shopping and Worshiping
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
 Road Trip in Early August, 2016

Metal Influence:  

SLEEP

"Holy Mountain"